[Economy] Shopping is good for the economy, and it is our patriotic duty to rescue the economy by taking advantage of this Black Friday (apparently Congress' multibillion-dollar bailouts haven't done the trick, since CEOs needed that money to buy private jets) to wipe out any remaining credit we may still have.
It is up to you, proud consumer! Your country depends on you! No matter how dangerous it gets out there, you must go out and save America!
On the other hand, everything will likely go to hell no matter what we do. So, we might as well just relax, do our shopping at the liquor store and enjoy the season.