Having a rough day?

[Music] Perhaps this will lighten the load. (It made me feel happy!)



(Brandon Burt)

Me, too, kid. Me, too.

[Meme] It's the turtle kid:


It's Bill O'Reilly interviewing the turtle kid:


It's the turtle kid—remixed!


A "where is Jonathan now?" investigative piece from the future:


Aww, this is just too cute to pass up:

(Brandon Burt)

Buzz Kill

[Crimewatch] Yeah, those yellowjackets distributing Media One's Trib-lite "commuter daily" the Buzz are still annoying, albeit a little less so since management forced them to use their indoor voices and stop dumping their papers on car windshields.

But my heart goes out to the girl posted on our cruel section of Main Street near the Gallivan TRAX station. The yellowjackets are issued handtrucks for carting their bundles around and, yesterday, some downtown ne'er-do-well swiped hers. (The thief was thoughtful enough to leave the stack of papers behind, though, which meant no knocking off early for her.)

Today, when I saw an unfamiliar yellowjacket in the area, I feared the worst--could some heartless suit at Media One have sacked her? It's not like it was her fault.

Well, those fears were not borne out; she's back on main street hawking her issues--sans handtruck. I wonder when they'll get around to issuing her a new one?

Most interestingly, what in the world could somebody have wanted with one to begin with? Did somebody have stacks of papers laying around that they wanted to move? If you're the culprit, let us know (even anonymously). I'm curious.
(Brandon Burt)

DMT: The Most Complicated Hallucinogen

[Drugs & Rec] Here's a no-nonsense video from a woman who has found a way of taking dimethyltriptamine (DMT) without first having to go on a pesky weeklong vegan/MAO-inhibitor diet.

It's a simple enough technique, with only a couple drawbacks.

Some people worry that the media glamorizes the drug culture, making drugs seem like a hip, fun thing to do. Well, I don't see them worrying now.


(Brandon Burt) [Via SLOG]

He's Still In Office, Folks

With all the high drama surrounding the battle of the Dems, it's easy to forget that Idiot Bush still occupies the White House. He's been plenty busy, too, zipping around the world, refusing to back troop withdrawal, getting dissed by Congress on attempts to veto the GI bill ... basically being a weasal. Oh, and he's coming to Utah to nosh with Mitt Romney at the Massachusset's Gov.'s private Park City abode. It's the perfect opportunity to tell him what for:

On Wednesday, May 28, former SLC Mayor Rocky Anderson's new project High Road for Human Rights will hold a Peace & Human Rights Rally, "a gathering of active citizens saying 'No More' to disastrous war, deceit, domestic spying ... and crimes against humanity." Guest speakers will include Danny Ellsberg, legendary voice of conscience who disclosed the lies that led to the Vietnam War, and Kathy Snyder, mother of a serviceman who was killed in Iraq.

Troy Williams will emcee and Rich Wyman will play some tunes. Rally starts at 5:30 p.m. at the City & County Building, 451 S. State.

Bush ain't out of here yet--let's show him the door.

(Jamie Gadette)

Your Local Media Is a Joke

[News-ish] After weeks and weeks of relentless, ass-pounding David Archuleta/American Idol coverage ("Archie's first zit! Tonight at 10!"), you'd think the local media would be ready to hitch onto the next Utahn-does-reality-TV wagon, right?

Today, not a Single. Damn. Word. about Salt Lake City comedian Marcus (just Marcus, he dropped the "Man of 1,000 Voices" suffix) making the first cut and moving onto the next round of NBC's Last Comic Standing last night. Nothing. Guess working on the road for years and actually writing your own material is no dues-paid match for being a cute Mormon high-schooler with a squeaky voice.

Not that last night's LCS footage reflected Marcus' comedy material; NBC went with his impressive menagerie of voices. Not everyone can do a conversation between the entire Family Guy cast in a single breath, but those of us who've seen Marcus' entire act know there's more to him than that. Let's hope he survives on the series long enough show it.

Here's NBC's 2-minute recap of last night; that's Marcus toward the end in Phoenix, with the tats and Captain America T-shirt:



(Bill Frost)

Calico On The Road

Local experimental sound manufacturers Calico are currently on a mini Northwest tour and gearing up to release the anticipated follow-up to their self-titled debut scheduled for release June 6 at Slowtrain. You can track their progress here. And if you happen to be on their tour route, check 'em out! The boys will play KRCL's Live at Five on June 4 and try their hand at Urban Outfitter's new, somewhat erratic local concert series July 12.

(Jamie Gadette)

Babies, Please Stop Pooping

[Price Gouging] Many economists are saying the higher gas prices go, the more likely we are to actually conserve resources or to get serious about alternative energy sources.

Can the same be said of disposable diapers?

Kimberly-Clark, producer of Huggies, has announced a big price increase in diapers and Kleenex tissue, come July.

Could it make a dent in Utah's super-sized families? Oh, how we wish... (Holly Mullen)

Quartered & Dollared to Death

[Cost of Living] When I notice a business starting to price gouge, I tend to think, “That’s it, I’m done patronizing that place.” And I stay away.

But it’s getting harder to do that.

For example, a while back, Utah Transit Authority raised its monthly pass to $50, the same amount we City Weekly plebes paid to park our cars each month. So I said, “Up yours, UTA. I’m now driving my car to work.” With gas, and wear and tear, I paid more to do so, but it gave me pleasure not to drop my coins into UTA coffers.

But then the parking lot—let me be clear: the Diamond Parking lot—behind the old Zephyr Club raised its rates to $90 (!) in January 2008. So I said, “Up yours, you thieves at Diamond Parking. I am migrating with the rest of City Weekly to the more reasonably priced Ampco lot east of Squatters.

In the meantime, prices at the pumps began their breathtaking ascent. And I wanted to show my outrage at Big Oil, but to do so, I had to come crawling back to UTA. Only now, a monthly pass costs $58.50. And if UTA gets its proposed “surcharge,” it will go to $66.50 in July.

So where does that leave those of us who vote with our pocketbooks? It leaves us to save up for a decent pair of walking shoes and to get real interested in alternatives to the internal-combustion engine.

Oh, I hear you, bike people! Yes, I could pedal and have done so. But bikes aren’t an everyday mode of transport in light of the riotous Wasatch Front weather we live at the mercy of. Plus, we all have appointments across town, trips to the grocery store and children to schlep around. It’s nice when it works out to ride but you can’t depend on it.

Thus, we’re waking up to thrilling and freaky times. Since everything we consume is highly oil-dependent, everything we consume will soon cost a lot more than it does today. And since it’s not practical or meaningful to boycott all businesses, it might just be time to take that wild leap and figure out how we’re going to live in a post-$5/gallon world. Any suggestions? (Jerre Wroble)

Giddyup

Hey all ya'll cowboys and cowgirls, Langhorne Slim is riding into town tonight to strut his stuff at the Urban Lounge! I saw this young guitarist perform in the blazin' Austin sun at South By Southwest and was impressed by the natural born storyteller's dynamic stage presence. Slim will also be playing on KRCL today at 5 p.m., so if you're not quite convinced of his appeal, be sure to tune in. Yee Haw and all that

Friday Letters Round-Up (Thursday Edition)

• How can there be global warming when it's raining outside? How can something that feels so right be so wrong? If God is good and omniscient, how can there be suffering in the world? Why do people ask how you are if they don't really want to know?

• I know a way to encourage young people to vote: Make them all delegates!

• Oh, you wussy elitists with your "breathing"--here in the real world, we've got bills to pay!

• Maybe this time, if we ask nicely, the Legislature won't divert our Commie public-transportation tax toward good, old-fashioned, red-blooded American road construction.

• Everybody knows it's all Bill Clinton's fault.

• The judiciary should butt out of this "determining whether or not laws are constitutional" business and stick to what it's good at: selecting Republican presidents.

• You call shenanigans? Poppycock, I say!

(Brandon Burt)

Soundtrack To Our Teeny Bopper Lives

I was researching an album released in 2001 when I came across a list of hits from the same year. This made me curious: what provided the soundtrack to my senior year of high school. As a graduate of the class of '99, of course Prince reigned omnipresent over every house party and school dance, along with Nena's "99 Luft Balloons," a ditty about the nuclear holocaust which we sang at graduation. I'm not joking. That's just a sample of the numerically themed songs that colored my life. What about the hits that were actually released that year? Click here to see the sad state of affairs of 1999's pop charts. Was your senior year any better or worse?

(Jamie Gadette)

Southwest Suburbs Stripped of City Weekly

[Suburban Scrub] City Weekly circulation manager Larry Carter is on a fact-finding mission today, trying to determine who would have stripped more than 20 of our distribution stands of this week's issue in long stretches of West Valley City, Kearns and Taylorsville.

Could it have been, oh I dunno, maybe someone incensed over Stephen Dark's cover story, Taylorsville 911!? Just because Dark delved into a case that started with the theft of a Boston terrier, then drew Taylorsville police ire because one of the players in the drama is a fellow cop (on the Midvale force) and is now headed to U.S. District Court alleging civil rights violations--well, is that any reason to go (again, allegedly) stealing more than 1,000 copies of City Weekly?

Maybe it's the cover photo illustration that bugs the alleged thief or thieves the most. Just sayin.'

Circulation manager Carter says the entire inventory of newspapers disappeared overnight from boxes from 1300 West to 4000 West along the busy artery of 3500 South. Boxes in key locations in Kearns and along 5400 South in the heart of the Taylorsville business district have been emptied, as well.

Drivers filled the boxes in question late yesterday afternoon. As proud as we are of our newspaper, the idea that every copy would get picked up overnight is a bit of a stretch.

A person is legally allowed one free copy of City Weekly. A sticker stating such is affixed to all of our racks for public view.

Carter plans to spend the afternoon visiting grocery stores along the routes in question, saying "it would take someone with a lot of nerve to walk into Harmon's or Albertson's, scoop up a whole stack of papers and walk away."

And of course, there's always the possibility that some business along the route(s) caught the action on video. Don't people realize that nothing escapes a video camera anymore? Not even alleged newspaper theft. (Holly Mullen)

Jesus Trucking Christ

[Roadside Attraction] Spotted today at 8:28 a.m. on westbound Interstate 80 and the Bangerter Highway exit: A semi-trailer truck with the company name "Husky Transport" on the cab doors. Emblazoned in bright red, 2-foot-high letters on the sides and back of the trailer was this message:

JESUS CHRIST IS LORD
NOT A SWEAR WORD!

(I doubt Utah Jazz coach Jerry Sloan got the memo.)

**Above: Another crazed truck owner for Jesus. (Holly Mullen)

Free Concert Free All Ages Free

Did I mention it's free? And local! Salt Lake City's own Glinting Gems will be performing tonight at the Main Library. I'll be onstage with the adorable trio prodding them with insightful questions, a la VH1 Storytellers (without the drama). All you Gems fans, take note: Leena is back in the band, replacing Terry who replaced Leena when she left to tend to the twins (watch for future Von Trapp Family-style performances). The action starts at 7 p.m. in the Auditorium. Woot!


(Jamie Gadette)

Sabre Rattling

[Liquor Laws] At last night's Utah Hospitality Association's emergency meeting, both the successes and the problems of the group dedicated to making drinking a more pleasant and more profitable experience for bar owners and public alike were evident.

Legal spitfire Lisa McGarry, who has represented Clearfield-based bar, Bogeys, in its struggles with Utah's liquor czars, the DABC, told the less than packed meeting room at the downtown Salt Lake City Peery Hotel about the UHA's much-publicized plans for an initiative petition to end clubs having to demand membership when you fancy hoisting a brew. Ideas of how to solicit votes were swapped, ranging from vote boxes in the booze aisles of supermarkets to putting leaflets in publications such as City Weekly.

Bar owners also heard how the UHA had almost expired for lack of interest from the bar industry. One UHA official said of the 300 bars in Utah, only 25 are fee-paying members of the UHA. A bar owner suggested his competitors were suspicious of his motives when he rang up to encourage them to attend last night's meeting.

"What we've done up to now hasn't been working," another official opined. But recent media interest in the UHA's cause, support for the private club member bill even from Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr., suggests at least that if not a turning tide there just might be the beginning of a groundswell for change. (Stephen Dark)

Beluga? Beluga!

[Animals] Hump Day got you down? Well, nothing will perk you up like a tricky Beluga!

Meet Nana-chan, a whale residing at Nagoya Public Aquarium in Japan, entertaining herself by blowing air-bubble rings underwater.

That's right: "air-bubble rings." I know, I didn't think it was possible, either. Now I'm intrigued. (By the way, if you see a weird guy at Steiner blowing bubbles. that'll be me practicing.)

Just check it out:



(Brandon Burt)

Wooden Indian Burial Ground

[Music] Last night's show by Wooden Indian Burial Ground made for one of the most haunting, disturbing and overall pleasant shows I been to in a while. The duo rocked Burt's Tiki Lounge last night, employing banjos, marimbas and tambourines, in a show that in another time and place could have been mistaken for some backwoods medicine show/revival. The lead vocals, Justin sat with a banjo propped on his knee and a tambourine lashed to his foot that he would stomp furiously, wailing a hoarse howl as cohort Judy slowly rocked back and forth pounding her bass drum.

The duo seemed so enmeshed in their own music it was like they were hypnotized. It was one of those great performance where its not that the band doesn't know there's an audience in front of them, but you almost get the impression that if no one would have showed up they would still have played the same tense and simultaneously slow and pulsing set to a dark and empty bar. It wasn't until halfway through someone in the crowd barked out: "Who are you guys?!" To which Justin, shook from his reverie announced: "Oh we're Wooden Indian Burial Ground, oh and we got some stuff over there for sale if you want," then lowered his eyes to the ground and began playing again.

All and all a fantastic show, I must admit as it was the first I'd heard of them, a lot of lyrics just washed over me, but when they closed with a cover of Rolling Stones "Dead Flowers" I was quite happy to see them render it with more rock and roll than the stones did and with an as equal of a helping of soul and angst as the Townes Van Zandt version. (Eric S. Peterson)

Becker Names New Captain of Economic Development

[Politics] Today at Tony Caputo's Deli, Mayor Ralph Becker called together a press conference that only hinted at a soon to be announced major economic development. From a podium set in front of a wall of olive oil Becker announced that Bob Farrington, Executive Director of the Downtown Alliance for the past 16 years, would be the city's Director of Economic Development.

Among other credits, Farrington has also been heading up the downtown rising project and has successfully overseen the growth of the downtown farmer's market, and been likewise heavily involved in the city's efforts to create a year round public market.

When questioned on what Farrington's new duties would be Becker said to "take advantage of our [city's] assets and capital so Salt Lake City can grow to its economic potential."

More specifically Farrington said that Salt Lake City was unique as capital of the state, region, and major research interests, and because of that, his job would be largely multidimensional. Farrington spoke of moving forward on trax extensions, the new public market and fixing problem spots like maximizing hotel infrastructure for travelling conventions and increasing green space downtown.

He described his duties as being more of a "conductor that will orchestrate the great organizations and talents," the city already has, says Farrington. Emphasizing collaboration with all possible stakeholders.

"Once I get a phone and an office, my door will always be open," joked Farrington. (Eric S. Peterson)

What's Next: RoPa? WeJo? WTF?

I'm as proud of this town as any died-in-the-wool Salt Laker, but I'm sorry: for better or worse we are not the kind of place that can affix various burgs with funky nicknames like NoHo or SoHo. That's just me, of course. Folks over at Elite Model Management must know something I don't. We recently received invites to the agency's grand opening in South Salt Lake, or as Elite dubs it, SoSaLa.

Good news for all the pretty people, I suppose. Padding your resume with tenure in SoSaLa is sure to get you places, right? SoSaLa is, after all, home to the world's first KFC. Ya hear that Tyra?!


(Jamie Gadette)