- Stupid pants cause gang violence.
- I've looked all over Spanish Fork, and I can't find a homosexual anywhere.
- Even though I'm a non-Mormon, I'd like you to know that I can still be hypersensitive about silly crap.
- I'm not a bigot. I just hate homosexuality because it turns people into homosexuals.
- Even though I always vote a straight-Republican ticket, I'd like you to know that my opinions about Obama are reasonable, well thought-out and perfectly valid.
- Attention DEA: Please investigate me.
(Brandon Burt)
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