ABC 4: Using a tanning bed this winter will kill your children! Unless they're under 18 and saw this same damn report the first 37 times on every other channel.
KUTV 2: There's lead in your dinner plates! Not enough to actually matter, but we'll test 'em for you anyway!
Fox 13: There's meth residue in your motel room! Of course, that's probably the least-concerning substance strewn about in most motel rooms; tune in for the special report "Utah Jizz: The Semen Scare" tomorrow at 9.
Sweeps ain't over for a couple of more weeks. Courage. (Bill Frost)