Monday, November 26, 2007

SOBs in the News

[Kinky] Now that Blue Boutique has begun threatening the morals of Sugar House by having the nerve to get forced out of its longtime digs by strip-mall developers and move three blocks east, we wonder what other Utah businesses (other than City Weekly) the morality police might start looking out for. How about AL Enterprises, which recently moved to Carbon Avenue in Price? The Internet retailer assembles "male chastity products." From its Website:
Is your husband or boyfriend cheating on you? Has he done so in the past and you find it difficult to once again get that level of trust back? Has your relationship lost the spark, passion and commitment that you had in the beginning?
The answer, according to AL Enterprises, is to encase that dude's junk in a locking Plexiglas tube--to which you have the only key!
The first thing this would accomplish is to take away his ability to take matter [sic] into his own hands through masturbation. He can no longer touch his penis. His outlook on your relationship will take on a whole new meaning!
I don't doubt that. Anyone did that to me, my outlook on the relationship would change dramatically.

Instructions for the physical process of encasement are available; how you're going to convince him to submit to it, though, is anybody's guess.
In my family's religion, we were taught merely that tying our wrists to our bedposts would save us from nocturnal temptation. Isn't technology wonderful?

Unfortunately, some folks in Price don't cotton to the whole idea. Benson Manwaring, AL Enterprises' manager, recently
was nearly run down by a white SUV.

It's unclear whether the person behind the wheel was a member of the morality police thinking the device looked too much like fun, a ne'er-do-well boyfriend who didn't want his girlfriend getting ideas into her head, or even the victim in this kind of strangely sub-dom relationship. (Brandon Burt)

1 comment:

  1. I read that article about Blue Boutique and it's absolutely ridiculous. Everytime I've been in and gone to the back room, I get carded within seconds. Don't tell me they're also gonna try to shut down that cute erotic bakery next door! It's my favorite place to buy cupcakes.


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