Talking Turkey

[Holiday Spirit] Now that the election is behind us, it's time to look for ways to repair our societal rifts. Yes, we're glad Becker won and vouchers didn't, but Buhlerites may not have been totally crazy and--who knows?--there may be some areas of life in which voucher supporters are not altogether evil and deluded (although they are somewhat condescending and some of them seem strangely smug considering they lost).

So let's all move on and let the healing begin. Now, with healing--as with every other endeavor--booze and food are key: Thanksgiving is around the corner, and it's time once again to think about whether this, finally, could be the year to try the recipe for "black turkey" that Robert Benchley wrote up so many years ago.

This is the recipe that comes complete with instructions for which cocktails the cook ought to be drinking during various points in the process. You start out with a ramos fizz* and go from there. (As Benchley wrote, "Newcomers to black turkey will think you are demented and drunk on your butt, which, if you've followed instructions, you are.") Benchley's comments about what to tell the "poultryman" are somewhat out-of-date (who the hell gets to talk to the men and women who cut up turkeys for a living?)--and today's genetically enhanced, big-breasted turkeys are monstrous in comparison with the turkeys in his day. But it seems a nice, fresh (not frozen), medium-to-large organic bird would work well.

From what I've heard, the resulting blackened turkey is delicious. And it's one of the few recipes that are actually entertaining to read.

--Brandon Burt

* I know what you're thinking--a cocktail containing egg white does sound like it could double as an emetic--but the ramos fizz is a tasty little beverage. The egg white just makes it foamy, kind of like an orange julius. No, you wouldn't sip it on the patio on the 4th of July, but it's not the 4th of July, is it? It's Thanksgiving! Try it, try it!