Blame Aquaman For The Financial Crisis

[Financial Crisis]
I understand that we're in a financial crisis. Understanding why we’re in a financial crisis is another matter. I’ve read the articles and analysis but I still was left scratching my head. It took the scathing wit of Rolling Stone political reporter, Matt Taibbi, to break down the crisis in manageable terms for me.

“On the betting with money you don’t have to front, the CDS (Credit Default Swaps) is basically a form of insurance in which two idiots make promises to pay each other sums of money if some third totally unrelated person defaults on his debt.

Let’s say Aquaman takes out a million-dollar bond to open a gay strip club. You’re gay and you like superheroes so you think it’s a good idea – but your mother doesn’t, so you agree to pay your mother a million dollars in the event that Aquaman’s strip club fails, in exchange for her paying you, until that time, regular monthly payments of $10,000. All your family members agree with your mother and they, too agree to pay you $10,000 a month in exchange for a promise that you’ll pay them a million bucks if Aquaman defaults…So a year later your entire extended family is betting against Aquaman’s place and when it finally does go bust, thanks to Superman opening a far superior and better-managed club down the block, Aquaman’s one-million-dollar loss creates a hundred million dollars in losses for you (and, it turns out, for society in general, which might end up having to use tax money to pay your mother and everybody else for the bet you couldn’t cover).”

Sure, Taibbi isn't an economist but he took National Review's Byron York to task for spewing the right wing's talking points blaming the financial crisis on minorities and desires for an "ownership society."

Taibbi's insights and columns kept my sanity for this extra long political season. If you haven't read his skewering of Sarah Palin, check it out. I hate the phrase laugh out loud but it’s hilarious. And just to be clear Taibbi isn't a party hack. During the 2004 elections, he followed the Kerry in a gorilla suit. (Joseph Bateman)

Cock-Block the Vote

[Election 2008] It's never too early for a good voting machine conspiracy, so away we go:



Good news for Chuck Baldwin and Ralph Nader, though. This should make up for their lack of coffee cups at 7-Eleven. (Bill Frost)

Halloween Scolds

[Maudlin Media] Oh, here we go again. It's Halloween. It's a day for kids to go absolutely insane for candy and costumes and fun. That's fun. Remember fun?

The gang at KSL radio doesn't. Every Oct. 31, as sure as the leaves on the aspens turn golden, some forlorn scold(s) in the mainstream media has to conjure up the obligatory "what evils lurk in the Halloween candy bag" story. This year, it's these guys.

Don't let the geezers in the media turn you and your kids off to Halloween! Get radical, parents. Take back the night. Forget about the absurd "trick-or-trunk" parties where you lead your little one around an LDS Church parking lot and take candy from the trunks of cars. That's not the Halloween you had as a kid--why make your kids suffer? Give the little darlings spook alleys, dark-as-pitch neighborhoods, creaky doors, giant spiders and enough candy to black out. It's once a year, for hell's sake. Breathe. (Holly Mullen)

Energy Drink Terror!

[Media] So, did KSL pay for all of the evil, caffeine-loaded energy drinks featured in this fascinating video? And what became of them after the piece?



Maybe Duhg Wright's jacked up on 'em right now!



(Bill Frost)

It Gets Funnier Every Time ...

[Media] I love this story in the D-News about a deal between Davis County schools and Scholastic books to keep a new J.K. Rowling book under wraps until Dec. 4:

Tuesday, Davis County commissioners quickly approved the contract with Scholastic.

"We don't want a spell cast on us," said Commissioner Bret Millburn, reprising the joke he made in 2007.

(Presumably, the other commissioners then "reprised" their eye-rolling and forced, polite laughter.)

I love the fact that Joseph Dougherty remembered Milburn making the same half-assed "joke" a year and a half ago. Reading between the lines, you sort of get the feeling Dougherty didn't think much of it then, either.

(Brandon Burt)

Last Night's Obama Infomercial

[Campaign 2008] In case you missed last night's Barack Obama infomercial on CBS, NBC, Fox, BET, Univision, Cartoon Network and The Aquarium Channel (premium digital, totally worth it), here 'tis:



(Bill Frost)

Five friends (the sequel)

It's time for a second bunch of movie stars, even Borat, to get out the "Don't vote" vote.



(Jerre Wroble)

Marcus: Second to None DVD

[Comedy] Remember local comic Marcus? The guy who came in second on NBC's Last Comic Standing? Of course you do--we refuse to let you forget.

Marcus has been on tour with the LCS crew for months now, and he's just released the trailer for his filmed-in-Ogden comedy concert DVD, titled (ahem) Second to None. It's due out Nov. 21; here's a taste:

Second To None trailer

(Bill Frost)

Children Suffer Irreparable Harm

[The Sex Maniacs of Tomorrow] According to a story in the D-News, some parents are fuming because a reel jockey at the Megaplex in South Jordan got some movies mixed up. The audience was expecting High School Musical 3--and what they got was (gasp!) Sex Drive.

"I could not carry my little children out before they were exposed to extremely vulgar and sexually explicit material," said one parent. That's right--exposed!!! To sexually explicit material!!! (That means boobies and naughty words.)

Now, everybody knows the permanent harm that comes from the sight of a breast after the age of 2 and before the age of 18. Little Johnny is obviously now warped for life; those parents have no choice but to abandon their damaged goods at the nearest orphanage and start all over again from scratch. (But, of course, the less said about that, the better.)

Still, one gets the feeling that these parents may be overreacting a bit--if not for the sake of a deep-pockets settlement from Larry Miller, then because, as people who have cut themselves off from nearly all popular culture, they're incapable of determining what "extremely vulgar and sexually explicit material" really is.

(Brandon Burt)

2-for-1 Tickets at Slowtrain

[Live Music Stimulus Package]

In Slowtrain's weekly update, the record store announced 2-for-1 tickets for the following shows at Urban Lounge:

King Khan and the BBQ Show (Urban Lounge 11/4: $11)
Crooked Fingers (Urban lounge 11/6: $9)
Subtle w/ Zach Hill (Urban Lounge 11/10: $11)
Sole & The Skyrider Band (Urban Lounge 11/13: $9)
My Brightest Diamond, also comes with free bonus DVD, (Urban Lounge 11/15: $11)

I thought the deal sounded too good to be true so I picked up Sole tickets on my way to City Weekly. Two tickets for $4.50 a piece, even cheaper than seeing Fugazi when I was in High School. The deal only lasts until November 1 so

head over to Slowtrain (221 E Broadway).

If your looking for a great hip-hop show, check out Sole and the Skyrider Band. To be honest, I never really was a fan of Sole or Anticon except for Sage Francis, but his latest album has the Skyrider Band backing him. The full band adds an element that makes him stand out from the indie hip-hop crowd as well as provides an interesting live show. It's like watching Sage Francis back in the day with Gruvis Malt backing. Ahhh, those were the days. (Joseph Bateman)

Food Fright!

[Scary/Delicious] No more JELL-O and Gummi worms for Fright Night says Alpine Country Club Executive Chef Emanuel Vidolin. He's got something a skosh scarier in mind. Along with the usual prime rib, shrimp, and Kobe beef, he's going to challenge Alpine CC members on Halloween with buffet items that some Utah County denizens might consider truly terrifying.

The menacing menu includes Michael Myers' Tongue (AKA braised beef tongue a la vinagreta); duck livers with Chianti-dried cherries called Hannibal Lecter Liver and Chianti; and Calypso Crocodile Tail Sliders. Got thymus? The horrifying Halloween dinner at ACC also includes Frankenstein Brains: seared sweetbreads in a blood orange sauce. It all sounds so tasty it's spooky! (Ted Scheffler)

Get Out Tonight

Plenty of great shows vying for your attention tonight!

Portland's Alexis Gideon and Shelley Short hit up the Woodshed with two completely different sets. Gideon specializes in wonderfully bizarre electro-folk-hip-hop with an added claymation/animation component fueling his new video opera, Video Musics, while current tour mate Short makes her distinct mark on the country/folk movement with gorgeous, sometimes chilling, results. Salt Lake City's Black Hens open in the first of a two-night series sending off singer/songwriter David Williams to his great big recording gig in Seattle.

The Diplo-curated extravaganza featuring Abe Vigoda, Telepathe, Blaqstarr and the man behind it all, Diplo, arrives at Kilby Court for a night of eclectic punk, electro and hip-hop experiments.

Parts & Labor performs at Urban Lounge. The Brooklyn rockers' recent album, Receivers, includes segues and interludes provided by their fans for a distinct sound that reflects the best of both individual and group-generated creativity.

And finally, Meg White's biggest fan Ray LaMontagne plays the Great Saltair where he can better accomodate the huge outpouring of fans who quickly sold-out his originally scheduled appearance at a smalled downtown club. Leonna Ness and Salt Lake City's Paul Jacobsen share the bill.


(Jamie Gadette)

Deep-Fried Mitt

[Election 2016] Man, all this news talk about Mitt for President in four years is just sad. I used to delight in saying Mitt didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting elected president, but now whenever I do, I just feel like I'm telling a four-year-old that Santa doesn't exist.

The DNews pumped out this story about how Romney may be gunning for a 2012 run although he's just too busy being a party cheerleader right now. And you know what, he probably will run, but even with the exposure he's had in the recent primaries, he's still gotta alot of vote proselytizing to do. So Elder Romney if you really want to be called to the white house, it's time you made your next mission a little ol' place called the south.

Mitt has been raising some dough and spreading it around to various initiatives and candidates through his Free and Strong America PAC, but if he's serious about making another run at this thing he's gonna have to be knocking on doors and dropping some serious cash in the Bible belt-- for years. And here's the kicker, even considering that, I hate to break it to you friends, but he still ain't gotta shot for 2012.

2016...maybe. But by that time it may just be the case that Romney's years long campaign of convincing Southerners that Mormons don't have horns will be exploited by another rising star in the Mormon GOP crowd. One with business savvy, a (sometimes) progressive outlook on the environment and foreign relations experience. How is it that you say 'Huntsman for President 2016' in Mandarin anyways? (Eric S. Peterson)

Hey, there, groovy chix!!!

[Humor] Are you planning to wear a Halloween costume this year? Just make sure it's a sexy one!



(Brandon Burt with a shout-out to humormeister Jamie Gadette)

Dead Zephyr: Week 259

(Bill Frost)

Zack & Miri: Porntastic!

[Film] Lost in the semi-uproar over Larry Miller's Megaplex Theaters opting to not carry Zack & Miri Make a Porno this weekend: Someone's actually paying attention on the job!

Back in 2006, despite months of industry buzz and pre-notoriety for the cowboys-in-love flick Brokeback Mountain, the Megaplex just let that sucker in and then pulled it ... heh, heh. If you're, say, working in some sector of the film industry, even at a Utah theater chain, shouldn't you be aware of what's going on in the damn film industry at the moment? Just sayin.'

Megaplex Theaters: Punching the clock and looking out for you ... finally. (Bill Frost)

The Senator, the Guv, and the Wardrobe

[Corruption] Sen. Ted Stephens has been convicted on all seven counts. That is, Stephens is guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty (!)

Stephens represents the state of Alaska where, since 2006, an unusual weather pattern has held, making it "always winter and never Christmas," according to Mr. Tumnus, a community activist within the state's faun community.

According to a mammalian observer who agreed to be identified only as Mr. Beaver, the verdict can't be good for Stephens' campaign against Democratic challenger Mark Begich--although, in the curiously topsy-turvy world of Alaska politics, the race remains close.

Well-dressed Republican veep hopeful Sarah Palin maverickily blamed "the corrupting influence" of Big Oil and vowed to keep a real close eye on them service-company rascals, whose siren song has been the downfall of too many good, real-American-type Alaskans. Also Palin icily said that Stephens should "do what's right for the people of Alaska"--presumably implying that he should drop out of the race, move immediately to Massachusetts and change party affiliation. Otmin, a minotaur speaking on behalf of the Stephens campaign, stated defiantly that worse fates than banishment have befallen the Sons of Adam, and criticized Palin for not offering Stephens, a longtime supporter, "so much as a piece of Turkish delight."

The upswing is that this senatorial race now benefits Democrats regardless of who wins. The two realistically possible outcomes are:

1. Begich wins, bringing Democrats one step closer to a 60-vote filibuster-proof majority, or
2. Stephens wins, making the GOP the party of felons--and possibly even depriving Republicans of a vote should Stephens' absentee rate increase due to, say, incarceration in federal prison.

Meteorologists predict a break in Alaska's harsh weather during the first week of November when, according to polls, the long-awaited return of Aslan is expected to occur. Failing that, they say, a vice-presidential move to Cair Paravel would at least serve to divert Palin's attention to matters in the neighboring provinces of Telmar and Archenland.

(Brandon Burt)

And speaking of Salt Lake Film Center ...

[Naomi Wolf] ... the center's star-studded Raucous Caucus over the weekend was one of those events you walk away from feeling rather purposeful, thinking, "Wow, what did Salt Lake City do to deserve this?" After all, we're just a little blue pimple on a pretty great red-ass state. So how'd we get the likes of Phil Donahue, Michael Kirk and Naomi Wolf to appear less than two weeks before Election Day, showing their films, reading from their books, and sitting down to talk about how to fix our nation's ills? Wasn't there some battleground state who needed them more? Oh well, sometimes, I guess, Utahns just rate.

On Sunday, the premiere of Naomi Wolf's 90-minute documentary The End of America (based on her book, pictured above) was intense, to say the least. In it, Wolf details the 10 steps a country takes to essentially become Nazi Germany ... and then she shows how the U.S. has taken all 10 steps in days of late.

You can download the film for free right here. It's worth the view. And thanks for some shoulder shakin', Salt Lake Film Center. (Jerre Wroble)

Not Too Late!

[Pre-Election Movie] It's not too late to catch one of the Salt Lake Film Center's Films-to-see-before-you-vote. Tonight for free at 7 pm at the Sorenson Unity Center (1383 S. 900 West) they will be showing I.O.U.S.A, a documentary about our nation's collective credit happy tendencies and how those could come back to bite us (even more so than right now).

So check that shit out, its free! (Eric S. Peterson)

Oh, That C-r-r-a-z-y San Francisco

[Travelogue] I just returned this afternoon from four days in the sassy and totally independent 51st state of San Francisco. And I feel right now as I always do after returning to SLC from SF--a little dizzy, a little like I've been transported from one planet to another.

In a good way.

My husband and I drove to SF for the wedding of a gay couple that is very dear to us. David Hardy and James Brentano have been committed to each other for 27 years. They own a condominium together in the city's Mission Dolores neighborhood. They have been together in sickness and in health. They each come from a huge, extended family (David a former Mormon of pioneer stock who grew up in Salt Lake City; Jimmy a Catholic who spent most of his youth in Connecticut). They got married in a lovely public park called Sigmund Stern Grove in the city's Sunset neighborhood. (That's the historic Trocadero Inn, above, which is where we danced and drank toasts to our friends' happiness.) Siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends came from all over the country to celebrate. It was one beautiful event.

Of course, it held all that much more meaning that our friends chose to get married in the final days leading up to California's vote on Proposition 8, which would ban same-sex marriage. David and Jimmy are taking the whole thing in stride--if pro-Prop 8 forces are successful in banning their now-legal marriage, they will simply stay together, stay in love and keep fighting for the long-overdue recognition of their civil rights.

Anyway, San Francisco is famous for running a huge number of ballot initiatives every election year, and this season is no exception. There are 24 initiatives (they are identified by letters in the alphabet, so the list goes all the way to X). Needless to say, there are measures before San Francisco voters this year that would curl the hair of Utah voters. For instance, a nice woman with wildly curly gray hair, hanging past her waist, was standing outside a natural foods store in the Bernal Heights neighborhood, where we were staying, handing out leaflets for Initiative V, which would ban the Junior ROTC program and military recruiting in the city's public schools. This newspaper columnist is outraged by the notion.

Couldn't you just see it here in Utah?

So, I'm back in the real world now. SLC is my city and I love it. But it's always good to get the ol' senses recharged in San Francisco now and again. (Holly Mullen)

Tai Chi Pumpkin Carving

[Halloween Martial Arts] Have you wanted to begin the study of Tai Chi and specifically Tai Chi weapons training but were just too busy preparing for the holiday? Well now is your chance to consolidate these two activities into one bizarre martial arts craft event! Tai Chi instructor Steven Smith is offering a pumpkin carving event grounded in ancient chinese Tai Chi "big knife" training. The event will be this Thursday Oct. 30 from 6-8 pm, for more info on price of entry and location check out this site or call 363-5757. (Eric S. Peterson)

Cattaca (Gattaca for Cats)

[Cloning] Ever wondered if you could have a Halloween mask programmed into your genes before birth? The answer resides here:
(Jerre Wroble)

CMJ: Weekend Wrap-Up

I thought that my CMJ fun-fest was over after losing my badge on Thursday, but CW Marketing Director Annie Quan hooked me up with a replacement identity: Todd Something (her recommendation). It was no “Brian Bradford,” but I’ll respond to anything if it gets me into shows for free. By that time, however, it was too late to go to any of the shows I had planned – Broken Social Scene or the guilty-pleasure Saves the Day. My 16-year-old self is still kicking me. With no obligatory shows, I decided to take Friday night off … well, from the music.

I woke up at the crack of noon on Saturday, intent on seizing the day. First order of business: The Advanced Alternative Media party at the Williamsburg Music Hall in Brooklyn. I don’t know how AAM got my email, but the invite promised free food … so duh.

Despite my suspicions that the invite was spam to anyone who’s ever had contact with a music promoter, it turned out to be somewhat exclusive (good thing I RSVP’d; they didn’t even check my badge). Since it was a day showcase, it had more of a corporate feel than any other show: the smell of indie-industry types was heavy in the air. After being asked what part I did in the “industry” by a hipster-cougar (to which I responded, “I dunno, I slept my way into this party”), I retreated to the hot dog bar. At least they didn’t lie about the free food.

Here’s a quick rundown of the AAM showcase:

The Uglysuit – A nice band from Oklahoma City. They played atmospheric alt-rock that was pleasant, but nothing remarkable, but their enthusiasm to play in New York (it was their first time) was very endearing. They also had a lot of hair – sometimes it would get stuck in their guitars.

Crystal Antlers – Honestly, it was just too early for me to deal with Crystal Antlers, it was like watching every cliché of hipster-irony rolled into one performance. Imagine Dan Deacon, Mastadon and The Blood Brothers making sexy with American Apparel and Vice Magazine’s Dos and Don’ts section – that’s Crystal Antlers.

Ruby Suns – They’re a nice little New Zealand duo who play jungle rhythms amidst programmed beats and other electronic experimentalisms. They had a solid set, despite a little corny. It’s probably what it would sound like if Animal Collective had scored The Lion King.

A Place to Bury Strangers – Probably my most anticipated band of the whole festival – their debut album is one of my “Best of 2007 That I Found in 2008” and they have the reputation of being the loudest band in NY. The band was a little haggard from the long weekend (I think they had played a 2 AM set that morning), and they showed it through the first couple of songs. Halfway through, the band found its footing and delivered the wall of industrial sound that they’re known for. Singer/guitarist Oliver Ackermann will impressively abuse the hell out of his guitar just to get the right type of distortion, which he did during the band’s rousing finale. Pulling his guitar around the stage by its strings amidst a visual onslaught of strobe lights and rear-projection, he left the crowd in epileptic awe.

Monotonix – As I’m sure all of you who saw this band when they played with Silver Jews at The Urban Lounge already know: You don’t see Monotonix, you experience them.

Up to that point, the whole “party” felt forced and obligatory; the bands were haggard and no one looked like they were having much fun. In contrast, Monotonix lit a firecracker under our asses (figuratively, but I have no doubt they would actually do it given access to pyrotechnics) [Editor's note: When they played Urban, the lead singer was treated to a young lady licking his sweaty, hairy armpit after the show in a fascinating/horrifying display of animalistic foreplay].

The three-member outfit could’ve been direct descendents of Rasputin – sporting chimo moustaches and robes – and they were equally disgusting. Instead of setting up on stage, they set up their drum set among the thinning crowd. Using internal amplification instead of relying on the house sound system, they were free to move the entire band all throughout the venue, which they did.

Vocalist, Ami Shalev would jump on the audience, carry them, take beer away and pour it on himself, dump trashcans out on the drummer, climb to the VIP section and show his hairy ass to whoever like these were traditional Tel Aviv (their hometown) customs. Armed with endless power cables, the guitarist and drummer somehow managed to keep up with his shenanigans while (remarkably) never skipping a beat. Although it could have been passed off as kitschy (and the Zeppelin-esque music good, not extraordinary), the performance was exactly what the day needed. By the end of the show, the entire band was standing on top of the sound booth while fans supported the drumset.

The entire performance was a photographer’s wet dream, and I cursed my lack of camera. However, I did manage to get some pretty poignant shots with my camera phone. They’re a little blurry (or… arty?), but I think it gives a good sense of the energy.

After the AAM party, I made my way over to the Lower East Side. By that time it was raining very hard which, combined with no concrete destination, forced me into Pianos, a shitty overpriced bar that was recently featured in Nick and Nora’s Ultimate Playlist (they had the gall to charge me $4 for a PBR). While milking my cheap beer, a similarly-disgruntled Brittish fellow named Liam began chatting with me. He had specifically asked to come to Pianos cuz he heard it was known for putting on good shows. Since it didn’t look like the bands were going on anytime soon, we decided to blow to another bar around the corner, where the drinks are half the price (Welcome to the Johnsons – my favorite bar in Manhattan).

During our time there, Liam was kind enough to indulge all my American-centric questions (“So what does bollocks really mean?”) and pretended to be impressed by my music-journalism outlet (“That’s right, THE Salt Lake City Weekly. You probably read it all the time in London.”) After many rounds, we decided to go back to Pianos where we caught the end of a pleasant-yet-unexciting pop band.

Next up was the Inlets, who played contemplative tunes doused in melancholy. As boring as that sounds, they pulled it off pretty well. Even the presence of a banjo (my musical Achilles heel; Liam’s too – he was a fine chap, indeed) actually added to their most potent track.

When the Inlets were done, we were all forced to take a step backwards to “make room for dancers.”

“What kind of shite band needs dancers?” asked Liam. My thoughts exactly. It turned out to be the best performance of the night.

Glasser is an avant-garde musical act from LA, masterminded by Cameron Mesirow. Accompanied by a single guitarist, she belted impressive vocals in the vein of early Bjork. Her adorable prancing onstage was accented by the interpretive dance troupe, Bodycity. Although I was fried from a whole day of live music, she managed to stir me inside.

And then it was time to go home. I said goodbye to Liam and goodbye to CMJ. I fell asleep on the long train ride home, content as rain poured on the city above me.

On Sunday, I did laundry.
(Ryan "Todd Something aka Brian" Bradford)

Filthy Rag!

During my shift helping to man the City Weekly table at the Utah Humanities Book Festival at Library Square, a lady rolled up in a styled-out electric wheelchair and shared her opinion of our paper: "I'd look at City Weekly more often if it wasn't so FILTHY!" she said, and then smugly rolled away. I'm still not sure if she was talking about City Weekly content or ink smudges from the paper. (Ted Scheffler)

Mormon Strongarm Tactics?

[Danites] ProtectMarriage.com, a deceptively named group which seeks not to protect marriage, but to outlaw it for many couples, has made an offer to business owners it thinks they can't refuse.

The organization sent out certified letters threatening to expose any business which has contributed to Equality California (the good guys) unless it makes a like contribution to their own organization (the bad guys):

Were you to elect not to donate comparably, it would be a clear indication that you are in opposition to traditional marriage. You would leave us no other reasonable assumption. The names of any companies and organizations that choose not to donate in like manner to ProtectMarriage.com but have given to Equality California will be published.

One of the signatories of the letter was Mark Jansson, identified in an Associated Press story as "a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." Way to go, Jansson. You can't buy that kind of publicity for the LDS Church, you know.

The fact that the businesses contributing to Equality California are a matter of public record (the letters were, after all, mailed to EC's donor list) doesn't seem to cross their minds. What they're threatening to do is to spend money republishing information that is already freely available.

What's interesting is what this strategy does reveal about the people who head up ProtectMarriage.com:

1. They're hungry for money. Otherwise, why would they resort to desperate extortionary tactics rather than traditional fund-raising practices? I recommend that LDS Church lawyers and accountants look very carefully into the financial records of ProtectMarriage.com because, if they're already broke after the church gave them so much tax-free money--not to mention all the generous donations made by church members themselves--there's obviously something squirrely going on. California is, after all, a land full of temptations. How well were the directors of this organization vetted? Who knows where all that money ended up?
2. They think business owners are stupid. Why would these businesses have contributed to Equality California if they hadn't already read the reams of market research showing that support for these kinds of community organizations is good for business? "Exposing" businesses that support equality isn't likely to drive customers away; it just gives them free advertising.
3. They have a highly elevated opinion of themselves. They think they're community organizers on par with Equality California, and thus they consider themselves entitled to an equal amount of community support. For years, EC has done lots of good in the community, and is well regarded for its work advocating for the elderly and the homeless. ProtectMarriage.com is a recently formed pressure group that will say anything to achieve its singular goal: to deprive gays and lesbians of their existing marriage rights in California.

Knowing that Californians are unlikely to vote for a measure whose only purpose is to deprive others of existing rights, these people have falsely claimed Proposition 8 somehow also accomplishes the positive goals of protecting heterosexuals, children and churches (groups not even mentioned in the amendment). A quick reading of the measure reveals that it does no such thing--all it does is take away the civil marriage rights of some people, based on their sexual orientation.

In order to accomplish their goal, they've tried to convince voters that, under the California Constitution:

• Children are being brainwashed in public schools
• Heterosexual marriages are being threatened
• People are marrying animals
• Churches are being taxed, and
• All kinds of other crazy things are going on.

Come on, if a church were ever taxed, or if somebody had married an animal, it would have made front-page news all over the country! These people will obviously say anything to get the ballot measure passed. And it's not out of ignorance of the measure's actual legal implications--they have a lawyer onboard, for crying out loud.

These people are liars. Out-and-out liars.

Based on the LDS Church's response to Texas events earlier this year, it is very concerned with its public perception. Understandably, it doesn't want to be represented by crazy, child-molesting polygamists. So, I ask them: By the same token, do you really want extortionist thugs, liars, con artists and slicks representing the LDS Church to the larger world? To us, it looks like you've annointed the board of ProtectMarriage.com as emissaries for your gospel--and you should think very carefully about whom you get to carry your water.

(Brandon Burt)

Book Report

[Totally Lit] A bunch of us from the marketing and editorial departments staffed City Weekly's booth at the Utah Humanities Council Book Festival today at the Main Library.

It ended up being a blast; I was able to engage in may own, private little internal fantasy that I was somehow connected to the literary world ("Here's the critically acclaimed novelist appearing at a book signing. Why, hello, miss: Shall I make this out to 'my No. 1 Fan'? Alrighty, then ...")

I also got to spend some time chatting with marketing intern Melissa Wiener, who is usually so busy out doing things for the paper that I rarely get to see her around the office. She's dynamic and interesting, and the booth was, just, totally gay that afternoon. We met a compassionate and energetic woman who does outreach for LGBT youth in the northern counties, helping the kids cope with their often brutally homophobic home and school lives without dropping out, committing suicide, or succumbing to other self-destructive behaviors. So she does important work but, as you can imagine, the larger community isn't always that appreciative. So we'll just keep the specifics on the DL here. Her husband did have a very nice shirt, though.

THE NUT IN THAT BOOTH OVER THERE
On the Hazards of Non-specific Questions

Another gentleman simply wanted to know, "So, what's it like working for City Weekly?" Probably, the guy, going from booth to booth, was just wondering who the hell we were, but by the time he got close enough to read the banner, it was too late--I had already greeted him--so he politely blurted out the most obvious question he could think of.

Little did he know that I'm retarded when it comes to small talk, and I have the tendency to over-interpret open-ended questions in such a way as to maximize their significance on every level. The question I heard was, "Would you please form a genuine personal connection with me, describing your own subjective workplace experience in vivid emotional detail, while also affirming my own value as a fellow human being, keeping in mind that you're also representing not only the paper, but the entire journalistic profession?" Yeah, and would you like me to do all this while juggling several brightly colored balls, humming Sousa's "Washington Post" march and standing on one foot?

Now, the poor guy was only being polite--but, under my own special brand of imaginary, self-imposed pressure, of course I felt unprepared: Where's my stack of Sarah Palin crib notes? If I tell people about the affection I have for my co-workers, people assume I'm feeding them a line of bullshit because, really, it's not very common in this world to love and admire the people you work with. (It's just that they've all been so kind and patient in putting up with my neuroses--perhaps because they're all a little nuts, too--and I'm grateful for that.) So, to avoid gushing, it was more like, "Well, you know, sir, independent media is so important in a democracy, especially now that everything else out there is run by giant media conglomerates, making the existence of non-corporate-controlled voices more crucial than ever ..." Which is also true, but probably sounded really, really canned.

What has the world come to when honesty and earnestness sound false? I refuse to make up a calculated answer ("Just between you and me, we've nearly succeeded in our sinister plan to turn Utah's youth into drunkards, perverts and sex maniacs") merely for the sake of sounding plausibly evil. But, come to think of it, that might at least have made this guy laugh.

RARE-BOOK SKULDUGGERY
Sanders and Weller Reveal the Shocking Truth

After helping Wiener close up the booth, City Weekly managing editor Jerre Wroble and I went to a conference room where Tony Weller and Ken Sanders were doing an "Antique Book Roadshow" thing. Interestingly, though, hardly anybody brought books to be appraised, so it turned into a kind of Q&A panel discussion about the rare-book business, which was very entertaining indeed. Both Sanders and Weller have such strong opinions and vivid personalities, and they bounce so well off one another, that the conversation crackled and sparked for the entire hour. They should have their own TV show.

They discussed their strategies for dealing with book thieves: The meth-heads and women with baby strollers who steal books apparently don't realize what a small world independent bookselling has become. All these dealers know each other. So, if you steal a book from Sam Weller's and try to resell it at Ken Sanders', you shouldn't be surprised if Sanders develops an inkling of what's going on. They have their own ways of dealing with such situations, but it was the first time I ever considered that bookselling consists of more than just sitting among one's leather-bound tomes with a pipe and a snifter of cognac, discussing high-minded matters in low-amplitude tones with the endearingly quirky intellectuals who frequent your shop ("Did you get that first-edition E.M. Forster in?" "Not yet, but you should see this illuminated Chaucer. Just look at the condition of that vellum!"). Evidently, there is also quite an exciting cops-and-robbers aspect to the book biz.

I also learned that Mark Hoffman's forged inscriptions continue to crop up with some regularity, even though Hoffman's been out of business for some time. And, considering Hoffman's fascinating criminal history, there may even be a market for Hoffman forgeries as forgeries. Now I'm wondering whether or not anybody has ever forged a Hoffman forgery. What a twisted world! And so veddy, veddy interesting.

(Brandon Burt)

Live in Moab: Antonia Juhasz Exposes the Oil Industry

Her latest book "The Tyranny of Oil: The World's Most Powerful Industry--And What We Must Do to Stop It" is "the hardest hitting oil industry expose in decades," according to the press release. If you're wondering:

*Why are oil and gas prices so high?

*Who's really controlling those prices?

*How much oil is left?

*How far will Big Oil go to get it?

*And at what cost to the environment, human rights, the economy, worker safety, public health, and democracy?

The answers aren't what you think. They're much worse. But there's also plenty that we can do about it.

Juhasz will answer those questions tonight at 7 p.m. Her talk is at Back of Beyond 83 N. Main Moab UT 84532 435-259-5154 www.backofbeyondbooks.com (Joseph Bateman)

Leader of the Pack

[Election 2008] I forget who, but a while ago some jerk was really hammering me on the whole importance of Blue Dogs, or these kind of quasi democrats that are becoming especially trendy nowadays. In the interest of fairness to the poster, its true that a few hounds of the blue dog pack have very little in common with the democratic party on any fundamental level. Former Sen. Zell Miller of Georgia comes to mind as one ""democrat"" (yes I know, I put double scare quotes on that) who, more turncoat than anything, else was definitely one mangy cur of a blue dog as a political animal and a man worthy of a good punch to the neck if I ever saw him.

The reason I bring this up is, because while most coasty liberals might be wanting to neuter some of these blue dogs, the reality is that under an Obama administration these blue dogs are going to be some critical power players.

This election stands poised to potentially not only get a democrat in the white house but also give us a democratic super majority in congress and perhaps a filibuster proof democratic senate.

Hooray!...Right? Maybe?

Well, actually no, for anyone with a political memory that extends past the last eight years, one might remember that democratic majorities served up with a Dem in the White House helped pave the way for the Gingrich's republican revolution and the coronation of King George Dubya.

If that's not ringing a bell, the heyday Bush had with the republican majority and how that came back to bite the GOP in 2006 and (probably in a couple weeks) should be an example of why any party stands to blow it big time if they have too much power.

Which is why the blue dogs will be important in balancing out what could be a very powerful democratic government in the years to come. Blue dogs will be critical in bridging votes with conservatives and liberals and key to keeping the party from going overboard with the wine and cheese agenda.

Ironically, as one author has pointed out, Obama's biggest challenge in office will be learning how to control his own party and keep them from exacting a payback agenda against former Bush followers, that would be so liberal as to make Huffington blush and Ann Coulter spontaneously combust.

OK, if that weren't an embellishment about Coulter it would be worth it, but otherwise if Obama can't keep things bipartisan, we stand to set ourselves up for the same cycle of bouncing between partisan extremes from one term to the next.

So beware democrats-- you push this thing too hard after the election, and another four or eight years down the road--the political pendulum will come swinging right back into our faces with somebody as bad, or worse than our current Conservative-in-Chief, with cronies in tow. (Eric S. Peterson)

CMJ Night 3: Crystal Castles and Badge Drama

I’m going to compare my third night at CMJ to a $5 flask of Jim Beam, not because I have Bukowski-like insight to living the ultimate male taboo fantasy (the uninhibited bachelor, slobby, anti-social, freedom, etc.), but because it’s what I was drinking last night.

The idea of a flask is good: drinks at clubs are a hassle to get and expensive, and I’m not above college-level booze-hounding to avoid running up a $30+ tab. However, near the end of the flask, you’d gladly pay double to get the taste of cheap whiskey out of your mouth.

And that’s akin to my night seeing Crystal Castles at NY’s Webster Hall.

I arrived promptly at 8:30 – still early, but not early enough to look like an amateur. Warm with confidence, I strolled right up the door guy, badge in hand.

“Sorry sir, we’re no longer accepting CMJ badges tonight.”
Guh. I just stared at him and shuffled off to the side. I was so steadfast in seeing Crystal Castles, so sure that I would get in, that I had failed to make a Plan B. A group of fellow badge-holders, similarly exiled, began to form a line in case the doorman decided to change his mind (which, face it: being a doorman gives you that arbitrary power). With no alternative plan, I joined them.

After 30 minutes of waiting and no sign of entering the club anytime soon, I had an epiphany: I remembered I had a connection with a girl who works the door at Webster (apparently, alcohol slows reaction time). Intent on persevering, and an intense need to go to the bathroom, I walked up and asked if so and so was working. Door guy had no idea who I was talking about, but let me in anyway.

Although I’ve only hung out with this person once, she was such a sweetheart when I showed up. I’m never good at cashing in on favors and end up feeling like a mooching jerk, but she nodded me through, discretely slipping me a V.I.P. pass to top it off. And it was in the V.I.P. section that I finished that flask of Jim Beam. Classsssyyyy.

English band Fujiya and Miyagi opened with an energetic set of forgettable songs. They did a fine job of warming up the crowd, but they offered nothing new in the line of electro-bands-that-use-live-instruments bands that stretches as far as the list of presets they use. Also, half-whispered lyrics may work on their album (because, you know, they’re too hip to actually sing), but hearing it live made every song sound the same.

Now, I had only minimal exposure to Crystal Castles before seeing them last night – the only song I’d heard was “Crimewave,” a decent track that has the same sort of sonic-indifference that I found so boring with Fujiya & Miyagi’s set. When the Canadian band emerged looking like the group of Nihilists from The Big Lebowski, I anticipated a set of hipster-douchebaggery that wasn’t worth schmoozing my way into VIP for. What I got was something completely different.

Rather than singing her way through the set, frontwoman Alice Glass more or less screamed her way through it. Jumping, parading, rolling around the stage, the waify little Canadian had the audience by the balls. When she got close to the audience, people just wanted to reach out and touch her; even the front-row photographers put their thousand-dollar cameras at risk to touch her hand when she reached out. On numerous occasions, she made her way on top of the crowd, rolling over the sea of hands and refusing assistance from the bouncers who wanted her back on stage. You could tell that the audience almost resorted to moshing. It was single-handedly the most assaulting piece of electro-punk I’ve ever seen. And then, without saying a single word to the audience, they were done.

After the show, I ran into Ryan Powers of SLC electronic-clusterfuck Agape, who’s always such a joy to run into. He’s also a really funny guy. Next time you run into Mr. Powers, ask him about the tricks he can do with his iPhone. Fucking hilarious.

Agape does not play a showcase at CMJ.

Then I lost my CMJ somewhere between the club and the subway. And the night started out so well.

To be continued…?


(Ryan "Brian, if you're nasty" Bradford)

Vote, the Wright Way

[Election 2008] Don't know which way to vote in the upcoming presidential election? Even at this late date? Seriously? Anyway, KSL game show host, er, "newsman" Doug Wright is here to drop some knowledge with some fancy Interweb video. Never mind that Utah is in no way a factor in the electoral outcome, and will go for McCain/Palin because and only because of the one (R) rating they can support. Oh, and "We all have Mitt Romney remorse"? Take it away, Duh-g:



(Bill Frost)

Separated at Birth?

(Brandon Burt)

Hey, Voters! Remember Private-School Vouchers?

[Politics] Think back to 2007, when a bunch of people decided that Utah was the perfect test laboratory for their experimental plan to kill the "socialistic" public-school system by diverting state educational dollars toward wacky, private religious schools.

Remember how we resoundingly defeated that crazy plan? Remember how we vowed to get back at the legislators who tried to shove the voucher scheme down our throats?

Well, it's time for payback, baby! Here's the list of the Legislature's school-voucher ringleaders:

Payback's a Bitch: Vote Against These Pro-voucher Candidates

Senate

• Sen. Curt Bramble, R-Provo
• Sen. Howard Stephenson, R-Draper
• Sen. Mike Waddoups, R-Taylorsville
• Sen. Carlene Walker, R-Cottonwood Heights

House

• Rep. David Clark, R-Santa Clara
• Rep. Greg Curtis, R-Sandy
• Rep. John Dougall, R-Highland
• Rep. Keith Grover, R-Provo
• Rep. Greg Hughes, R-Draper
• Rep. Eric Hutchings, R-Kearns
• Rep. Brad Last, R-St. George
• Rep. Becky Lockhart, R-Provo
• Rep. Stephen Sandstrom, R-Orem
• Rep. Steve Urquhart, R-St. George
• Rep. Carl Wimmer, R-Herriman

Note that every last one of these candidates is a Republican *. Since concepts such as "recorded fact" and "historical evidence" are now tools of the vast left-wing conspiracy, each of these candidates will tell you that this list is obvious evidence of the media's evil, liberal bias. On the other hand, you might just chalk it up to the fact that, in recent years, the GOP has developed a disturbing, self-destructive tendency to welcome radical nutcakes with open arms.

Hm. Which do you think is more likely?

(Brandon Burt)

* As was Rep. Mark Walker, R-Sandy, who also would have appeared on this list of pro-voucher legislators--were it not for the fact that he resigned his seat in July, on the dark night before the House Ethics Committee was scheduled to convene hearings regarding allegations that Walker had bribed a political opponent to drop out of the race. (Note that this was a separate investigation from that involving Rep. Greg Hughes, R-Draper, who is also on the list of voucher supporters.) The Utah Republican Party, having become convinced of its entitlement to a political majority, is trying to laugh off the perception that an awful lot of its members seem to be under investigation these days.

Remember These Guys?

Salt Lake City's Band of Annuals is on the road. They started out strong blogging for City Weekly, but funny thing about tour: it's all about the music. Blogging? Not so much. A bunk van in the shop left them stranded in Seattle recently, so guitarist Jamie Timm took the opportunity to catch us all up. And heeeeeeeeeere's Jamie!

Six weeks into tour, stuck in Seattle for the last six days. I think it's time for a personal tour recap.
Let's see, where to start...

Ft. Worth, Texas: This night was the first time I ever regretted wearing a snap shirt. Normally the easy-to-get-in-and-out snap shirt is a bonus but on this night it made it a little too easy for groping. I'm not saying I don't enjoy getting fondled my drunk women, but it can be a little awkward.

Nacogdoches, Texas: I scored a 1966 Gibson SG Jr guitar for $150! Talked the guy down from $175. As soon as I walked in my eyes went immediately to a old looking guitar. It sure looked vintage ... how did it play? After strumming it once unplugged, I was sold. This guitar breathes! The quote of the tour is when I asked the pawn shop owner if it came with a case. It did, in his words, "a shitty case for a shitty guitar". It was appraised in NY for $1000 as is. Mint condition would have gone for over two grand.

Nashville, Tennessee: Aside from sleeping in the van and a run in with a stalker, it was all good! Oh yeah, I also met ROBERT PLANT!!

Chapel Hill, North Carolina: I was born in North Carolina and had only been back once since. The show was at a cool venue named The Cave. It looked like a cave ... I love caves.

Washington, DC: Crashed in an old school building and was abruptly awakened by an elderly gentleman in a suit ripping my sleeping bag off me, screaming, "Who are you?? What are you doing here??". My answer: "I'm in a band."

New York City: It was time for a change; time to get a haircut. Found an inexpensive salon in Manhattan, paid forty bucks and wha-lah, new Jamie! On the way out I found six-dollar imitation Ray Ban sunglasses. Lookin' good. I took the subway around to music row and perused the guitar stores. 30th Street Guitars was my favorite. Check them out. Oh yeah, I also acquired a cold and blisters on my feet. The blisters have left, the cold hasn't.

Winchester, Virginia: Showered and did laundry at Brent's brothers house. I'm not implying it was my first shower, I'm just saying...

Grinnell, Iowa: We had a last minute show at the university coffee shop. This college of 1500 people treated us well. Met some new friends and slept in the dorm lounge. Got kicked out of said lounge by a security woman in the morning. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" My answer: "I'm in a band."

Lawrence, Kansas: Broke up a fight between two frat dudes fighting over "some slut". Kirk and Trever had my back.

Denver, Colorado: Rocked out with Band of Annuals and Casey James Prestwood. My surrogate Denver mother, Connie, made me a sack lunch with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and chocolate milk. Thanks Connie. Casey was kind enough to let me borrow his Dr. Z Maz 38 amp. Playing this amp is like heaven ... Thank you Casey!

Pocatello, Idaho: On the way to the show we drove through Ogden, it was surreal being so close to home. I was still sick.

Seattle, Washington: Galactigone [BOA's van] got a cold too. He needs two new cylinders. Ouch, poor van. It is never fun being broken down but if we had to break down somewhere, Seattle is as good as any where. Our amazing friends Tyson and Jamie have been so kind and understanding about having seven extra people invade their apartment. I cannot think of a way to thank them enough. Our show at The Tractor Tavern with Minus 5 was great. Hanging out with Peter Buck was really cool. Scott McCoughy told me after our set that I was "a ridiculous guitar player". That made me feel real good. Our friends The Devil Whale and Matt Hopper came into town yesterday and we are going to their show tonight. I love those dudes.


That has been six weeks of tour for me. Wish us luck on getting our van fixed and finishing up the last week. We need it. And don't forget our homecoming show on November 1 at Urban Lounge with the Devil Whale. I'll be playing my new guitar and new amp, yippee!

JT, signing off.

HSM3 O.D.

[Squeal!] Yes, this weekend's opening of High School Musical 3: Senior Year (filmed in Utah, in case ya hadn't heard) is kind of a big deal ... but seriously ...

Five. Fucking. Features. In. Today's Tribune?

As opposed to one (so far, anyway) in the Deseret News?

Or this piece of hack work?

And now, Salt Blog's obligatory/exclusive preview of High School Musical 3:



(Bill Frost)

What, No Gordita?

[Sports/Free Food] This important news just in:

"The marketing department at Taco Bell was thinking outside the bun with a World Series inspired offer, now it's time to pony up. The fast food giant said if an eligible base was stolen during the series it would give a free beef taco to everyone in the U.S. Last night in game one of the series, Tampa Bay Rays shortstop Jason Bartlett made the 90 foot trip, stealing second base and instantly creating a "pay up moment" for Taco Bell. Under the rules anyone who shows up at a Taco Bell restaurant between two p.m. and six p.m. local time on Tuesday, October 28th will receive a free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco simply by requesting one. Despite the stolen base, the Rays went on to lose the game, 3-2 to the Philadelphia Phillies."

More details on the fun-to-say "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" campaign here. Warning: Be sure and get to your local Taco Bell before City Weekly's Eric "I'll Eat Anything Free" Peterson does; supplies are limited. (Bill Frost)

CMJ Night Two: Kid Theodore

[Local Music] At the risk of sounding like a certain vice-presidential hopeful, I just couldn't help feeling so gosh-darned full of pride watching Salt Lake's own Kid Theodore last night. In a city whose demeanor reflects the weather (and the temperature is dropping fast!), it's certainly nice to see some friendly faces. It's even nicer to see them put on such an energetic and effortless show.

I arrived at the beginning of Philadelphia-based band An American Chinese. Decked out in warrior makeup, headbands and miniature deer antlers, the band could’ve passed around a peace-pipe and called it a day. Instead they played some toe-tapping, energetic… er, I dunno. They could’ve played anything and I still would’ve liked them: Three adorable girls fronted the band, all wearing Native American garb. I mean, I hate to judge my appreciation for a band based on the attractiveness of the members, but I think I’ve developed a new fetish.

I’m actually ashamed to say that during all my time in SLC, I never saw Kid Theodore live. I’ve interviewed them for CW, and their LP, Hello Rainey was one of my favorite releases of 2007. Seeing them at Alphabet Lounge in Manhattan’s Alphabet Lounge only confirmed my shame: the boys were tight. The cramped stage/bar gave the band the energy to play a nothing-to-lose set that included favorites from Goodnight, Goodnight and Hello Rainey. The band definitely excelled when all three talented vocalists worked together, providing some stirring round-robin/call and response moments that shook the tiny bar. Despite being so far away from home, the band managed to bring along a formidable following; bassist/singer Ryan Darton thanked “the entire Alta High School for showing up”; the support fueled the already-energetic performance. CW Marketing Director Annie Quan was also there, making the night feel like it belonged to SLC.

Props to bassist/singer Darton who sang in Spanish AND scat during the closing song “Fashion-able.” Non-props to guitarist/vocalist Cole Barnson for being a good-looking, talented musician and stealing any slight chance that I would’ve had to speak to antler-girl. (Ryan "you can call me Brian" Bradford)

Gasp! Who'd Have Guessed It?

[Celebrity Gossip] According to the moderately grammatical blog of famed investigative celebrity journalist Ian Halperin comes the following shocker: Will Smith may be "light in the loafers." (For those not fluent in 60-year-old American slang, it's an expression that means Smith likes dudes.)

The real baffler is why the always entertaining Halperin considers this to be news. For decades, Smith has been pinging the gaydar hard for anybody who's ever, say, watched his movies, seen him interviewed, heard his albums or examined his sweater collection. Will Smith might be gay? Sure--in the same sense that water might be wet, gasoline might be flammable and John McCain might be cranky.

For me, the most gratifying aspect of Madam Renata's reported revelation is not the gender of Smith's alleged short-term personal assistants. Frankly, I'm just relieved to hear that Smith is capable of getting off with a discrete individual--he's so attractive and successful, I figured his sexual repertoire consisted of nothing more interpersonal than an empty room, a full-length mirror and a loop track from Rock the House. After all these years, any ability he has to connect on a sexual level with another human being should be encouraged--it shows there's a shred of humanity left.

To Halperin's credit, despite the "light in the loafers" crack--which seems worthy of a titillating exposé from a reporter of his grandparents' generation--he seems less concerned with Smith's sexual orientation than the possibility that Scientology has become Hollywood's version of Evergreen International--a program for self-loathing homosexuals to "pray the gay away."

What puzzles me is this: How could a perfect specimen like Will Smith--brainy, buffed, beautiful, blessed, a man with everything going for him--harbor so much self-hatred as to fall for some crackpot reparative-therapy program? What is Hollywood doing to these poor, unfortunate waifs?

Come out, Will, come out--we'll still love you. Probably more than ever.

(Brandon Burt)

Fun With the McCain Campaign-Sign Generator

[Politics] It's rilly Web 1.0! Try it!


(Inspired by Paul Constant at SLOG)

(Brandon Burt)

Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow ... well, you know.

[Eight-year-old Fads] You know a trend has pretty much run its course when it gets picked up in the dailies. Absinthe is now aboveboard and trendy, according to a story in the Trib. (No mention of the fact that its fin-de-siècle, illicit charms are what gained it a following in the first place during the late 1990s and early 2000s.)

Of course, in those days it had the benefit of having to be smuggled into the country. Now that a neutered version containing the wrong kind of wormwood is legally available in the United States, the Green Fairy doesn't seem quite as edgy somehow. More's the pity.

If you ask me, tastemaker that I am--*koff*--I can tell you that what you should really be drinking is Chartreuse. It's also got a pretty green color and is considered one of the most complex flavors in the world. (A yellow version is also available.) Its mind-altering (and healthful) effects are due to a secret herbal formula known only to one or two French monks, and what the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau doesn't know won't hurt it.

(Brandon Burt)

Cramping With the Stars

[Locals on Reality TV] Nooo! Utah's Dancing With the Stars hoofer Julianne Hough has tummy problems and ... Yeah, that's as much enthusiasm as I can muster. Take it away, Celeb TV:



(Bill Frost)

CMJ Night One: Lykke Li

Last night, bitter wind blew across the Atlantic and into New York City. I squinted against the gusts that blew up the avenues and pulled my hood tight, longing for more of a landlocked night. I’m no meteorologist, but I can only assume the winds came from more arctic climates. Possibly Sweden.

Lykke Li comes from Sweden, too. At the time, the connection seemed very clever to my chilled self.

CMJ (College Music Journal, not country music jam) is New York’s equivalent of SXSW, with the same sheer quantity of music that will makes any sort of scheduling moot. Lykke Li, whose music is a mixture of soul, indie and electro, was one of the major opening showcases for the festival.

After adding her debut album Youth Novels to my growing “Best of 2008” list, there was no way that I was going to miss out. Since this was my first time at CMJ, I showed up at the Lower East Side’s Bowery Ballroom when doors opened… at 7 o’ clock. I was the only one in line, looking like a total noob (even the door guys were busting my balls for coming out so early). After paying $6 for a drink, I wasn’t ready to plunder my moth-filled wallet on expensive drinks until Li went on – a scheduled 11 PM. So I left.

Lower East Side has lots of cheap bars.

I came back at 11, blurry with anticipation. Opening band Friendly Fires was just finishing up a rousing set, which made me a little sad to have missed it. Around midnight, Lykke Li took the stage.

Rocking her early-70s-chic that was both disco yet kind of Manson-familyish, Li was a bonafide presence in the vein of M.I.A. She upped the volume and changed the style of nearly every song from her album; considering her album is somewhat minimalist, these changes were especially rousing.

“I’m a debut artist, so I only have like, 10 songs,” she apologized before her band jumped in to a head-scratching cover of Vampire Weekend’s “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa.” I don’t know if the audience was tired or confused by the band’s tendency to prolong songs after the applause, but it was very quiet/dismaying for a NY crowd. You can’t but feel embarrassed when the singer whispers: “Why are you so quiet?”

Lykke Li closed with Youth Novels’ best track “Breaking it Up” (see video for proof), and only then did the audience go nuts. It was probably the bullhorn. Since she played all the songs on her album, I didn’t expect an encore, but it came.

“You guys are from New York, so you’ll like this one. Sing along,” she said as the bass line from Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side” began.

Instead, she busted out a pitch-perfect rendition of A Tribe Called Quest’s “Kick It.”

“Can I kick it?!” She yelled, and we responded “YES YOU CAN!” And she did.

Breaking it up – alternative live video. Filmed by: Christian Haag from Lykke Li on Vimeo.
(Ryan Bradford aka Brian Bradford)

Dateline: Mumbai

[Media Survival] Dean Singleton, CEO of MediaNews Group and publisher of The Salt Lake Tribune is advocating American newspapers start outsourcing certain newsroom tasks overseas. He told a professional newspaper association this week many of his chain's California publications have already saved oodles of cash by outsourcing certain jobs such as copy editing to India.

Singleton, who has spent much of this decade buying up newspapers was already overleveraged--and that was before Wall Street went into the crapper.

Unions at MediaNews Group papers--most of them in California, where the notion of collective bargaining still exists, if barely--are of course none too happy with their boss.

Friends at the Tribune tell me each day brings more uncertainty about their future. They keep their heads down and do their jobs. They are doing all that is asked of them--blogging more, updating more stories all day, working longer hours for less pay. The thanks they get is likely to be a job shipped to Bangalore.

I'm sure comments on this post will simply tell me and others in my profession to suck it up--we're all vulnerable in this country to outsourcing and that newpapers are lumbering dinosaurs that should have faced that reality long ago.

Maybe. All I can hope is that in the depression bound to come our way soon, publishers will hang on to a few American jobs and put people to work ala the old Works Progress Administration model. Maybe a few Trib staffers could be kept on the payroll to push brooms around The Gateway editorial offices?

For more depressing news on editorial outsourcing, go here. (Holly Mullen)

Road to Nowhere

[Highway Star] Call me crazy, but when I think of scenic road trips what comes to mind are classics like Route 1 (Pacific Coast Highway), Historic Route 66, and the Santa Fe Trail. But the 14-mile long Legacy Parkway? Not so much. I mean sure, I enjoy the lovely cookie cutter housing developments and oil refineries that decorate this useless stretch of asphalt as much as anyone. But SCENIC BYWAY? The cities of Centerville, Farmington, North Salt Lake, West Bountiful, and Woods Cross are looking to secure official Scenic Byway status for the Legacy Parkway from the Federal Highway Administration. Yeah, and while we're at it, let's give the IKEA in Draper Historic Landmark status too. (Ted Scheffler)

Your Life In One Sentence

The City Library recently announced a call for submissions based on a similar project originated by SMITH magazine, an online publication celebrating personal storytelling. Utah residents are invited to submit six-word memoirs to all library locations by Oct. 31. This is a great opportunity to get your voice out there without slaving away on a 300-page autobiography. Selected samples will appear in an upcoming exhibit. Visit SLCPL.org for details (click on All Events and scroll down).
(Jamie Gadette)

Dead Zephyr: Week 258

(Bill Frost)

The Kids Have Spoken

[Who Will Win on Nov. 4?] The 2.2 million kids who voted in Nickelodeon's "Kids' Vote" in its 2008 Kids Pick the President know how to pick 'em. Since 1988, Nickelodeon's "Kids' Vote" has correctly predicted the winner in four out of the last five U.S. presidential races.
Fifty-one percent (1,167,087) chose Sen. Barack Obama and 49 percent (1,129,945) voted for John McCain.
It remains to be seen if young voters over 18 will be as motivated as their younger siblings to vote if they have to traipse down to polls and study the election pamphlet and not just click their mouse online and vote the way Mom and Dad do.
But if you want even more assurance as to the rightness of the kids' vote, it is comforting to note that even astrologers favor Mr. Obama.
Yet, it's odd: all predictions point to a tight race. How is that even possible? Why aren't Democrats running away with this thing? (Jerre Wroble)

Roller Derby Report: Cleavers Bomb Babes 111-85

[Alt-Sports] It couldn't last forever: The 2007 Salt City Derby Girls' champion Bomber Babes had their season undefeated streak shattered Saturday night by the very team they whomped back in April: The Leave It to Cleavers, your new 2008 SCDG Champions.

In front of a capacity-ish crowd at the Salt Palace, the Bombers led the scoring for most of the bout, until the Cleavers pulled ahead midway through the second half and took it all the way home. It might have been the most exciting game of the season, if not exactly the cleanest: Several skaters were ejected for penalties, including a showboat exit by retiring Cleaver Miss Disco Bliss, who skated through the crowd and out the door, middle fingers high.

The local roller-derby season is over, but the SCDG's allstar Shakers are traveling to Sacramento this weekend and could (ahem) use your help/donations for traveling expenses--PayPal ahoy.

Action shots from Saturday's bout by Mark Alston:

(Bill Frost)

Don Draper's Tarot Reading

[Mad Men] In the latest episode of Mad Men, Don Draper gets his cards read by somebody whose identity I'm not at liberty to disclose for fear of violating the unbreakable social rule about "spoilers."

The reading itself was sparse--only two of the cards were actually mentioned in dialog--but if you rewind and pause at just the right moment (about the 44-minute mark), it's possible to make out the entire Celtic Cross spread. The show's writers are notorious sticklers for detail, leaving nothing to chance. Those Tarot cards must have been carefully chosen, which means the writers either deliberately chose them to provide clues about future events in the series--or they deliberately chose them not to for some reason. And that would be no fun for the writers who, after all, hold Draper's fate in their hands. So here's my take on Don Draper's cards:

At the center of the spread is THE SUN, reversed, crossed by the EIGHT OF CUPS. This represents Draper's central conflict--his life to this point has brought him only superficial happiness, and he feels the need to turn away, abandoning his life's work and starting over again.

Above and below are JUDGMENT and the PAGE OF PENTACLES: He is on the verge of a profound rebirth--"resurrection" as it was put in the show--and is beginning to take the first practical steps toward changing his life.

In Draper's immediate past is the THREE OF CUPS, reversed, possibly representing that the sybaritic fuckfest he enjoyed in the previous episode may have been fun, but was not of lasting value or importance. His immediate future--the FIVE OF SWORDS--looks very troubling indeed: discord, conflict, dishonor, self-interest. Doesn't look like he and Betty will be making up anytime soon (excluding the possibility of hot, hot, angry grudge sex); there may be a divorce, and it will be ugly.

As mentioned in dialog, at the bottom of the "staff," Don himself is represented by THE WORLD card, probably the most fortunate card in the deck. He's got all the resources he needs at his disposal, and the universe is conspiring for his success. However, the NINE OF WANDS indicates that those around him are on the defensive and may not give up without a fight.

THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE may represent his fear that all his chickens are coming home to roost--he knows he's deceived all those around him, and has exhausted himself spending so much energy just trying to ensure that nobody finds out about his past. But he's ready for a dramatic life transformation, remember--which is likely to happen very quickly considering the EIGHT OF WANDS in the final-outcome position. (Actually, since there's only one more episode left in the season, it'll have to happen pretty damn fast!)

My guess? Draper's redemption will have something to do with cars, and he and Betty will not get back together. Still, it's hard to imagine the series continuing into a third season with Draper living the good life in California--I doubt a spinoff is in the works* so some complication will arise that will force him back into a false and tragic existence in New York--just what we love to see.

(Come to think of it, the entire opening title sequence, depicting a man falling out of a tall building, is reminiscent of THE TOWER card.)

(Brandon Burt)


* ... Although I am pitching a spinoff: In the pilot episode of Don's World, Draper moves in with a ditzy blonde and a supposedly sensible brunette in Santa Monica, creating trouble with Mr. Roper the nosy landlord.

Chefs on the March

[Babies R Us] Oh baby! The mission of the March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. This Thursday, Oct. 23, The March of Dimes will host its Signature Chefs of Utah gala at the downtown Hilton, from 6:00 to 9:30 PM. The evening includes gourmet chefs samplings, live entertainment, and a silent auction. Paricipating chefs include Zane Holmquist & Ray Lammers (Stein Eriksen), Aristo Boutsikakis (Aristo's), Billy Deavers (Bistro Toujours), Penny Lehman-Kinsey (Blind Dog), Eric May (Blue Boar), Billy Sotelo (Fresco), Eric Finney & Kurtis Baguley (Garden Cafe), Scott Monell (Hilton), Jean Louis Montecot (Jean Louis), Bernard Gotz (Little America), Chris Durfee & Christian Kubak (Metropolitan), Eric DeBonis (The Paris), Matt Crandall (Spencer's), Adam Vickers (Tuscany), Jason Talcott (Willow Creek CC), and Elio Scanu (Zucca). Cocktail attire is requested and individual seats are $125. VIP, Sponsor, and Corporate tables are also available. For more information and reservations call (801) 746-5540. (Ted Scheffler)

Saturday Night With Sarah

[Campaign 2008] Yes, here's your obligatory clip of Tina Fey vs. Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live over the weekend:



(Bill Frost)

'Ello 'ello, what's all this, then?

[Bizarre News] Lust for money makes people do strange things. Take, for instance, the strange tale of Marcus Alder, a British ex-cop accused of pretending to be gay in order to cash in on the death of a wealthy friend. (Read it--it gets weirder.)

Great quote: "I may be a bit odd, I may be money motivated, but for the record I am not gay or bisexual.

"I was just after money. It's true, I am a greedy git."

Phew--at least Alder cleared up any question of his undeniable, strapping, big, manly heterosexuality.

(I should also say that I'm charmed by the British journalistic style of using titles on second reference--e.g., "Mr Alder" and "Mr Austin." That's classy, baby. Also, it's interesting that the British style for abbreviations calls for a period--er, that is, a "full stop"--only when the last letter of the abbreviation is different from the last letter of the abbreviated word. Therefore, "Dr" has no period, but "Prof." does. Love it!)

(Brandon Burt)

Your News, Filtered

[Legislative Ethics] The House Ethics Committee today dismissed all six counts of bribery-related allegations against Rep. Greg Hughes, R-Draper, but bitch-slapped him in writing for his sloppy conduct.

More news on the vote to come. Meanwhile, go here for a story behind the story.

Meanwhile, the real loser in the process was you, the taxpaying constituent/voter.

Why? Because no one in the media could get inside the super-secret, closed hearings to actually cover, first-hand, the story. Reporters had to take what crumbs they could get during the seven days of testimony based on witnesses' and attorneys' spins on the action inside the meeting room.

That's bad for democracy. It's up to you on Nov. 4 whether you'll elect a Legislature that cares about doing your business in the open. (Holly Mullen)

Get Out This Weekend

There's a lot to check out on the music and art front this weekend. Tonight, two local hip-hop acts, Rotten Musicians and Reaper, take separate stages to celebrate their most recent recorded efforts. RM fall on the lighter side, while Reaper drives home consciousness-raising points with his signature delivery (remember Ply and Reaper?).
Tonight is also SLC's Gallery Stroll and damn if the weather isn't so fine! This is likely your last chance to hit up the stroll in short sleeves and sandals so get to it. Good options include Sean Hennefer's delightfully creepy paintings at Niche, Tessa Lindsey's always beautiful, often epic works at Kayo, the Women's Art Center's Day of the Dead group show featuring handmade books and installations, and much, much more. Visit this site for more highlighted events
Tomorrow night, get into the New York underground house groove with Master Kev at Jesse Walker's Nite Lite (W Lounge), get crazy with Andale! and Pink Lightnin' (Bar Deluxe), or see what all the fuss is about at the Mountain Goats/Kaki King concert (In the Venue).
Here's Kaki King

(Jamie Gadette)

Nacho Mama

[Snack Food] Carmen Rocha -- the woman credited with inventing nachos -- passed away this week at 77. A native of San Antonio, Rocha worked as a waitress at El Cholo restaurant on Western Ave. in Los Angeles since 1959. She's known for serving customers her special snack of tortilla wedges smothered with melted cheese and jalapeno slices and is remembered fondly by Jack Nicholson who said of Rocha's passing, "It's a community loss." At this year's Super Bowl, as we pass around the nacho platter, remember to lift a Margarita (a drink El Cholo also helped make famous) and toast Nacho Mama: Carmen Rocha. (Ted Scheffler)

Archie! Acting! OMG!

[Locals on Unreality TV] Murray's own American Idol runner-up David Archuleta has filmed his first acting gig! For a February 2009 episode of Nickelodeon's iCarly! No, I've never heard of it, either! Squeal!

"You do need a good memory for the dialogue, and I'll have to work on that, but it would be fun to continue acting," Archie told Us--not us; it's like a real magazine. "With iCarly, I also got to hang out with kids my own age for a change, and that was a real bonus."

Instead of those creaky 20-somethings on the American Idol tour? Or the creepy old producers who "crafted" this gawdawful paean to teen like/lust? You're better off on Nick, DA. Seriously. We're lookin' out for you here.


(Bill Frost)

Reminiscences of Track Palin

[Sooo Gay] Golly this youngster certainly has a lot of spunk! Well, and, as a Libra, he would be versatile.



(Brandon Burt)

Lawn Sign Skulduggery

[Civil Discourse] Somebody has been tearing up, vandalizing and stealing the Obama-Biden campaign signs on our street, and the signs' owners diligently keep replacing them. It's all part of the time-honored American political process. So far, I don't think there have been any dangerous confrontations, but that could all change in a moment, so we're kind of on eggshells.

As an example of the powderkeg which is America these days, here's a little drama that played out recently somewhere along Route 30: An activist with a paintbrush, a camera and a wheelchair--understandably proud of the large, handmade Obama banner he has just posted alongside the highway--goes to retrieve his camcorder. Upon his return, he catches a woman red-handed in the process of tearing the banner down because, she says, Obama refuses to "salute the flag." An altercation ensues, police are summoned and the woman attempts to escape in her car, but is apprehended a short distance away.

(Warning: There's plenty of profanity and abuse on both sides, but if you can use headphones and/or suspend any delicate sensibilities for the moment, it's pretty hilarious. And kind of sad, but mostly hilarious. There is never any threat of violence.)

It's a five-parter (all the parts are linked on YouTube):

Part I (The confrontation / 47 seconds):



Part II (The escalation / 35 seconds):



Part III (The escape / 44 seconds):



Part IV (The capture / 10 seconds):



Part V (The aftermath / 1 minute 5 seconds):



(Brandon Burt)

For Those Who Missed It ...

[Political Entertainment] A character called "the crazy McCain-rally lady" was featured on SNL (ThNL?) "Weekend Update" tonight. For those who missed, it, here is a brief clip featuring Gayle Quinnell, the McCain campaign volunteer upon whom the character was based:



And, here's the spot-on "Weekend Update" lampoon:

Update: Unfortunately, it looks like NBC had the clip taken off YouTube; you are free, however, to navigate to NBC's labyrinthine Website, poke around for the SNL clip, watch a 30 second ad for Crackberry or Dove soap, and then be presented with the entire half-hour episode broken up into three 10-minute "chapters." I believe the correct one is the middle chapter. Good luck, readers. And thank you, NBC.

(Brandon Burt)

The Home ... of the FUTURE!

[Economy] I am not an economist, but if I've got this straight, it was the housing bubble which triggered the credit crunch that led to the bailout bill which gave us all a glimpse into the inner workings of Professor Bubbles B. Bernanke's Fantastical Contraption, that tawdry engine driving late capitalism, fueled by wishes and happy thoughts.

From what I gather, since the value of all the goods, products, services and property in the world is now dwarfed by the imaginary value of the derivatives market, old-fashioned notions like "assets" and "real wages" no longer apply--all that is required to create a strong economy is for everybody to get together and ... just believe the economy is strong--believe with all their might.

So, you see, it is naysayers like I who have destroyed the economy--those who think fiat currency itself, as a representation of tangible value, is already about as notional and abstract as anything should be; those who must work to suppress a sense of schadenfreude at the thought of greedy, gross, subliterate, entitled, grown spoiled brats in suits leaping from office towers; those who have sensed all along that the Republicans couldn't go on forever cutting taxes while simultaneously running up trillion-dollar debts for wars of choice and corporate welfare; those who have recognized neo-Reaganomics as a house of cards which cannot stand indefinitely. (When, at an editorial meeting, the question recently arose: "What do you get the guy who has just received a $700 billion bailout?" my first impulse was "a guillotine." Depraved, I know. I felt suitably guilty about it immediately. But, then, "Liberté, Raison, Egalité," as they say. "Fraternité" came later.)

Everybody wants to live in a shipping container these days--it seems kind of New Wave to me.

Somehow, the value of people's houses, considered as "real estate" rather than home, hearth and shelter, became entangled in this imaginary-value market, so that people whose homes had cost, say, $40,000 in 1980 suddenly found themselves living on $300,000 estates in 2000. It was still the same old bungalow in Sugar House, although they were stuck with a brand-new tax bill. Still, the value was represented in equity, so the main problem was for people like me who forgot to invest in real estate at age 12, back when the market was more flat. In the imaginary-value market, how were we ever supposed meet expectations and purchase homes? We just love painting and gardening and doing little fix-up projects. But, unless we were foolish enough to donate such services to grim-faced landlords or get roped into predatory mortgages, most of us had little outlet for such charming domestic impulses.

Somebody recently decided the answer for people like us was: shipping containers, if you can believe it. Yes, it is now considered hip to live in one of those big metal boxes of the type found in shipyards. Even Salt Lake City is due for its (admittedly innovative, visionary and undeniably green) shipping-container condo complex.

Are such housing units cheap? Well, considering they're fucking shipping containers, no, not really. I mean, if you could buy a little condo for $40,000-$60,000, shipping-container living might hold some attraction. But, I suppose, even at $150,000 or whatever price they're asking (the City Center Lofts project is also selling hipness, prime location and fancy Jetsonesque amenities such as videocoms and heated floors, remember), the general strategy seems an ideal solution for housing urban worker bees--at least until the overlords find a way of getting us to forget our instinct for home ownership altogether in favor of spending six hour per day in ventilated aluminum sleeping tubes.


The deflation of the housing bubble, however, might put an end to all this. The paper values of brick houses will continue to plummet, which may not be such a bad thing for homeowners who have lived in their homes for awhile--after all, property taxes should also drop, in theory. Even those who have purchased their homes more recently shouldn't be hit too hard, as long as they don't plan on moving anytime soon. It does, however, piss off land-bankers. Boo-hoo, land-bankers.

Look at Detroit. Yes, some people think it's a hellhole, but how bad can it be, really? It must have its nice points, being close to Chicago and all. And, see here: The median price of a house or condo in the downtown area has fallen to under $10,000. That should put affordable housing within the reach of pretty much everybody. In the metro region, including presumably some nicer areas, the median price is $85,000. These seem like more reasonable prices for housing, as long as CEOs are planning on keeping real wages locked at 1970s levels.

(Brandon Burt)

Break a Leg!

[Downtown (Sorta) Rising] It's always great when someone rolls out the red carpet here on our decaying end of Main Street. So when Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker's office e-mailed City Weekly the invite to the announcement celebration of the Downtown Performance Center at 135 S. Main St., I ambled up this afternoon to check it out.

Careful readers will recall that Becker put his older brother Bill (who moved from the East Coast to Park City seven years ago) in charge of finding suitable space for a downtown, Broadway-style theater. Never mind that we already have The Capitol, Abravanel Hall and the University of Utah's Kingsbury Hall within hollerin' distance. Also, Bill Becker and his team's search was in direct competition with the city of Sandy and its mayor, Tom Dolan. The city to the south wants its own big-ass theater, you may recall.

(Dolan and his posse didn't make it to the event today.)

Anyway, the DPC will take up space from Main Street straight through the block to Regent Street. It will be housed in the old NAC office building, where people once sold ads for The Salt Lake Tribune and Deseret News. For all of you who remember with fondness the whirring of the NAC printing presses, the smell of ink late at night on Regent Street and the romance of watching thousands of newspaper pages churning through the presses, get over it. What this city desperately needs is another theater and more performances of Les Miz and The Lion King.

The city, through its Redevelopment Agency, is negotiating with the LDS Church for the land. The estimated cost of the entire project is $81.5 million. The mayor hopes to pay for the building through sales tax revenue expected to skyrocket once the Mormon Church-owned City Creek Center opens for business in about two years.

LDS Church Presiding Bishop H. David Burton attended the party, and like all the other males on the all-male speakers' podium, he was very proud. "In my lexicon," he said, "this is a chocolate chip cookie day." Sweet.

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say there are some bitter developers around town who couldn't pull enough weight to sell their property to the city. Developer Rick Howa, owner of the crumbling Utah Theater, which stands across the street from the DPC site, grumbled to the Tribune on Wednesday "God, I miss Rocky Anderson." Howa was an early and financially generous supporter of Becker's bid for mayor. How's that working out Rick?

When I ran into another downtown property owner standing near the finger-sandwich line, I asked him, "With all the various developers vying for this thing, how is it this dank old space got picked?" He rolled his eyes and answered: "The church, RDA, the church, RDA, the church, RDA, the church." (Holly Mullen)

Night of the Living McCains

[Campaign 2008] Have no idea what's going on in this Reuters photo from last night's Obama/McCain debate; don't care. Anyone for a 28 Days Later reference?

(Bill Frost)

Provo Has The Hots For Ralph Nader?

[Election '08] The Provo campus chapter of The Nader for President 2008 campaign is one of the largest in the nation, according to an email from the campaign. Who would've thought that the bastion of conservatives is boiling over with liberals? The Nader campaign didn't respond to a request asking for the size of the group. So who knows, maybe Utah county will go green....err whatever color Nader is running as this election.

It's not just Utah county Nader is banking on. The campaign opened an office at 455 E 400 S Suite 203 in downtown Salt Lake City. The office is one of 22 that the campaign opened across the country as part of the get-out-the-vote effort. Why was Utah picked? The Nader campaign was silent on this as well. I guess we'll have to wait until election day to see what Ralph has up his sleeves.

(Joseph Bateman)

The Taste of Freedom

I stopped by The Paris Bistro recently for an after dinner drink and was told to "keep it legal" we'd need to order food with our wine. Our server suggested a side order of pommes frites ($5.95), otherwise known as French fries or, to jingoists and the Bush administration, Freedom fries. Well, whether Freedom or French, these fries were the bomb! The large plate of thin (about McDonald's thickness) fries were wonderfully crispy, right down to the last pomme. Not a soggy one in the bunch! They're not skin-on frites (boo hoo) but nonetheless the best restaurant fries I've tasted in eons.  (Ted Scheffler) 

What's Wrong With What We Eat?

[Food and Environment] New York Times Food Critic Mark Bittman's new video "What's Wrong With What We Eat?" will be screened this Friday October 17 at 7 p.m at the First Unitarian Church, 569 S 1300 E (just southwest of the Stadium TRAX Stop). Following the 20 minute video, Brian Moench, Utah Physicians for a Healthy Environment president, will moderate a discussion about the links between our diet and the environment impacts, including simple suggestions for improvements.

With Slow Food, organics and farmers' markets growing in popularity, it will be interesting to see what a foodie and environmentalist have to say about these trends. (Joseph Bateman)

Crystal Antlers: Live Review

Ah Monday night, you could have spent it with your family or swilling light beers watching football and baseball, or both. If you really love music you would have spent it at Kilby Court, so, umm music lovers - WHERE WERE YOU?!! All my misconceptions about the LBC being the Hip Hop capital of the world were put to rest when Crystal Antlers rocked the K-Court into a fiery West Coast psychedelic fog. The band took the stage around 10 so you see you could have been done with FHE, MNF, and the NLCS and still made the show; the only reason I'm rubbing this in is because folks you really missed out.

Evangelicals, Laserfang and Navigator tonight at K-Court you going?


(Circus Brown)

The Death of Swiftboating?

[Campaign 2008] This just in: Voters seem to be waking up--at least in this presidential campaign--to cheap smear tactics.

According to this current poll, six out of 10 respondents believe John McCain has far surpassed Barack Obama in negative campaigning. The poll was conducted at the height of McCain and running mate Sarah Palin's attack on Obama over the past two weeks for his loose association with former '60s radical William Ayers. Perhaps there is hope for the intellect of American voters.

McCain and Palin changed up their tactics again on Monday (for what? the 32nd time in six weeks?) after dropping even further in the polls behind Obama. Someone in their camp took a mallet to McCain's head and mentioned there's a little hiccup out there bothering people. It's called the tanking economy.

Let's see if the name "Bill Ayers" shows up in tonight's final debate between the two candidates. I suspect we won't be hearing the phrase "palling around with terrorists" even once tonight. (Holly Mullen)

Are You a Good Parody? Or a Bad Parody?

[Now That's Good Parody] From Homotracker, here are a couple of TV spots that not only illustrate the folly of California Proposition 8, but also nicely parody Apple's "Mac vs. PC" ads.

Part I:



Part II:



It's good parody because it keeps a light touch and pays attention to detail: The "Mac vs. PC" ads are multipartite and depict the "PC" character in various silly and unfortunate circumstances that he has brought upon himself by his own neuroses. The "Mac" character is sympathetic but maintains a polite distance, since PC is prone to misunderstand and vaguely rebuff Mac's attempts at helpfulness.

The fact that right-wingers are incapable of parody is no secret, although why this is so remains a mystery. As evidenced by attempts such as Fox News' failed The 1/2 Hour News Hour [note] or the ersatz Michael Moore parody An American Carol, right-wingers know that they should be parodying the left in some way, any way--their studies have shown that it's "the hip thing to do" or something--but they just can't seem to figure out exactly how to pull it off.

The right-wing sense of humor is angry and heavy-handed, motivated by a sense of fear and impotent rage. It is the nasty taunt hurled, not by a 10-year-old playground bully, but by the 10-year-old victim of that playground bully--in retaliation, from behind Teacher's plaid skirts.

If the anti-gays had produced these ads, PC would be flouncing around limp-wristedly in a black-leather harness and pink tutu, attacking married couples with little kids. At some point, Mac would break the fourth wall and address the camera directly, asking, "Is this what you want for your children?"

And what a laugh that would be.

Humor requires self-awareness, curiosity, a certain amount of intellect and a good measure of empathy--all of which seem to be in short supply among self-styled "conservatives."

The reason the left is so good at parody is that, for decades, freethinkers and creative types were trapped in the postmodern dilemma--a reality in which it became impossible to express oneself genuinely, without sarcasm. Things moved on; the rediscovery of earnestness received much acclaim, and eventually the left managed to recapture a certain amount of sincerity.

Right-wingers will, eventually, develop a knack for parody. But what a multilayered irony it is that, by the time they do so, it will have become utterly passé.

(Brandon Burt)

Mark Growden Plays the Handlebars

[Innovative Instrumentation] Here's Mark Growden, renowned accordionist and ... handlebarist?

Here he is at Obama-Rama. Check it out:


Mark Growden plays the handlebars from Doctor Popular on Vimeo.

(Brandon Burt)

Trent Harris: Back & Delightful

[Film] Local filmmaker Trent Harris' new movie, Delightful Water Universe, is set for a big Red Carpet Opening on Saturday, Nov. 1 at the Jeanne Wagner Theater--of course, if you're an X96 Radio From Hell listener, you already know this. Bill Allred has been talking about his role in the film--not as Bigfoot, BTW--for months now; he's noted on his X96.com blog that "I think the trailer is great. I can tell I'm actually in a real movie."

See for yourself--here's the Delightful Water Universe trailer:



(Bill Frost)

Palin and the Mormon Question

[Election 2008] Usually when somebody comes up to me and says 'you know what you guys need to do a story on...' I kinda wince, bracing myself for the 25 percent chance that they're one of the people who think we need to do a story on their cats or why the service at the bank isn't that great anymore-- but today a gentleman offered me an intriguing question.

"Why hasn't the local media around here asked Governor Palin if she believes Mormons are Christians?" he asked.

And I thought, shoot that's a good question.

Indeed a look at Palin's background with the Evangelical Assembly of God, would put her in that camp (though it is a large and diverse camp to be fair) that includes the likes of 'ol Mike Huckabee that raised the whole stink over Romney's faith back in the primaries.

An intriguing question and the short answer is: I don't think we've thought of it before. The long answer is: I doubt Palin would touch that question with a ten foot pole. While Zion is still upset over having our man Romney's veepness being snubbed by the Republican Party, this state is still as red as they get, which means we're still a golden goose for GOP fundraising. And the party is not going to let anything jeopardize that flow of Mo' Money this close to election day. But, hell, if I ever get within shouting distance of Palin I'll see what I can find. (Eric S. Peterson)

Odd Fellows on the Move

[Architecture] Odd Fellows Hall has begun its move across Market Street; that glorious new courthouse we've been hearing about for, like, 48 years may finally get underway. Big Deluxe Tattoo and Bikini Cuts (like the City Weekly office four years ago) have been booted off 400 South, but what's to become of Port O' Call? Getting ahead of ourselves: Will Odd Fellows make the trip intact? Does the front of the building above look a little bowed? Just askin'. (Bill Frost)

The "Hot Beverage" Vote

[Caffeinated Campaign 2008] By most accounts, John McCain's victory on Nov. 4 is assured in Utah, right?

Oh, if only the coffee drinkers of the state knew their power.

I got this e-mail today from Marci Woodward, who noted she is 27 years old and lives in West Valley City:

In what world would Utah ever turn Democratic in a presidential election? Well, in the exclusive world of 7-Eleven coffee drinkers – IT HAS!!!

I have commonly heard the argument that in Utah, my Democratic vote doesn’t count in a presidential election because Utah'a Electoral College votes will always go to the Republican presidential candidate. I was recently invigorated by a silly competition sponsored by the convenience store, 7-Eleven. At 7-Elevens nation wide, coffee drinkers can buy presidential election coffee cups and the stores are counting the votes. The running tally results can be found on the 7-Eleven Web site.

As I am writing this, 7-Eleven coffee drinkers in Utah are 60 percent in favor of Barack Obama and 40 percent in favor of John McCain! Can you believe it – Utah supporting Democratic candidate Barack Obama! I realize these results are less than reliable, given that a large base of Utah voters do not drink coffee and that one opinionated coffee drinker can purchase multiple cups of coffee in support of their candidate, but this is significant nonetheless.

If you think about it, Utah (Salt Lake County specifically) supports a large enough population of coffee drinkers to have Starbucks, Beans & Brew, an abundance of small drive-though coffee shacks, restaurants, grocery stores and convenience stores all making a profit from coffee sales. Can you imagine what might happen if every coffee drinker in Utah would register to vote! True, in the 2008 election, Utah will undoubtedly vote for Republican John McCain but I have a vision that in a future presidential campaign, Utah could be considered an undecided state! If you live in Utah and you drink coffee, please register to vote today and show up to vote for this year’s election Tuesday November 4.

Thanks Marci! Now let's all get our jittery bodies to the polls.

(Holly Mullen)

Dead Zephyr: Week 257

(Bill Frost)

McCain-Palin in Search of a Verb

[Campaign 2008] John McCain and Sarah Palin were slogging along the campaign trail again today, after some weekend polls showed the Republican team trailing Barack Obama by as many as 11 percentage points.

And as he's done for more than a month, McCain was desperately trying to find himself an image and stick with it. Apparently, McCain campaign consultants (some of whom are the same scumbags who engineered "swiftboating" against John Kerry in 2004) have urged their boss to lay off the effort to link Obama with William Ayers and to stop for now in painting the candidate as a terrorist.

Because it's the economy, stupid (Thanks Bill Clinton!).

First, McCain tried to paint himself as the "change" candidate. Though that sounded um, vaguely familiar. He's still a maverick, apparently. But along with Palin, today he became a maverick with a softer, gentler touch. At their campaign stops this morning, neither of them mentioned Obama by name once.

Still, McCain is badly in need of the right verb. Suddenly, he's ready to fight. He's down, (I know, I know. "Down" is a preposition) but he's not out.

Dear John: Find a verb wouldja, and stick with it. (Holly Mullen)

Wherefore Artie Thou?

[Radio] What has become of cat-lovin' X96 afternoon DJ Artie Fufkin? It's as if he dropped off the face of the earth; listening to the hits of '90s bands who've similarly evaporated just ain't the same without that soothing voice honed by years of a Mountain-Dew-and-fiberglass-insulation diet. Pick your favorite Artie theory:

• He's shuffled off to Idaho, as speculated in Friday's Deseret News.
• He's undergoing experimental surgery to finally become a kitty.
• He's joined the touring company of Flintstones: The Musical.
• He finally snapped after the 5,934th spin of Bush's "Glycerin" and left to assassinate Gavin Rossdale.

Have a better one? Let's hear it ... (Bill Frost)

Oh, That Cheery Emily!

[Media] The D-News needs to bone up on its Emily Dickinson:

In a column fretting that prescription painkillers "have become more plentiful than popcorn," it quotes Dickinson as having written: "First we seek excuse from pain."

Actually, excuse from pain was second on Dickinson's list. Here's the poem:

The heart asks pleasure first,
And then, excuse from pain;
And then, those little anodynes
That deaden suffering,

And then, to go to sleep;
And then, if it should be
The will of its Inquisitor,
The liberty to die.

Also, wouldn't "excuse from pain" be the fortunate lot of those who don't need painkillers? It's "those little anodynes" in the third category that the D-News worries are too ubiquitous.

I've got a toothache today, so I can totally relate to Dickinson.

(Brandon Burt)

David Byrne: Live Review

[Music] "When an angel fucks a whore," Park City goes wild. At least, when David Byrne is delivering the news in his distinct, persuasive voice. The former Talking Heads frontman greeted his Utah audience Saturday night with a head-to-toe white uniform to complement his shock of white hair.

Accompanied by three backup singers, two percussionists, a bassist, keyboardist and three interpretive dancers, Byrne soared through a seamless set of material culled from his work with Brian Eno, both 27 years ago with My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts and the 2008 (now) digital-only release Eveything That Happens Will Happen Today (physical copies will be shipped to stores later this year).

Byrne stepped onstage following a lengthy introduction by the evening’s organizer who preached to the choir, encouraging the sold-out crowd dominated by liberal baby boomers to vote for the maverick—in Utah, that is. Which is to say, Obama.

The concert, held in the Eccles Center—which doubles as Park City High School’s auditorium—at first received a rather modest response from audience members who are apparently accustomed to behaving themselves. After two or three songs most of them realized who they’d come to see—a man who has never played by the rules and continues to march however he pleases to the most unexpected beats of his own drum.

And so bodies began popping in and out of seats, at first resulting in the occasional hushed “sit down!” until the whole room stood to salute Byrne and Co with wild, varying interpretations of dancing.

Onstage dancers, who could have proved distracting, fell in lockstep with Byrne’s quirky aesthetic and infused added spunk to the already festive evening, particularly during the brilliant, slightly unnerving “I Feel My Stuff.”

Byrne wrapped up the night with material from Talking Heads’ heyday, including “Once In A Lifetime,” “Take Me To The River” and “Heaven.” He closed out the night—three encores later!! Way to step up and surprise a touring band with your unexpected enthusiasm Park City!—with the predictable, but always pleasurable, “Burning Down The House.”

“Some things sure can sweep me off my feet.”

Indeed.

Here's a clip of "I Feel My Stuff" live at Austin City Limits. Pretty much a carbon copy of last night


(Jamie Gadette)

Kitty's Carnivores

[Let them eat steak]  Here's a bumper sticker I spotted on the wall behind the bar at the strangely wonderful Kitty Pappas' Steak House: I didn't claw my way to the top of the food change to eat vegetables! (Ted Scheffler) 

All the Coolest States Are Doing It:

[The Gays] ... Recognizing equal marriage rights for gays and lesbians, that is. First Massachusetts, then California and, now, Connecticut: It's one of those lovely little New England states, roughly the size of Box Elder County, except it's got about a kajillion trees. (Pictured: Connecticut's state flag.)

Now it's a race to avoid being the last state without equal marriage laws. Wouldn't it be embarrassing to get left in the dust by, say, Arkansas or Utah?

(Brandon Burt)

Dumbasses for McCain

[Politics] Since the '80s, Republicans have stood on a platform of anti-intellectualism, taking the position that being smart makes you an "elitist." Being dumb makes you "mavericky." We are now witnessing the natural result of decades of an anti-intelligence, pro-idiocy policy: McCain's support now seems to come primarily from morons.

They must be very proud.

I especially like the woman who keeps poking her head into the shot before realizing that what she has to say isn't quite as galvanizing as it sounded in her head.



(Brandon Burt)

Friday Letters Round-Up

• I'm a scofflaw, hear me roar!


• The economy? Big deal. Health care? More like "Who cares." Energy? The environment? I'm not worried. What keeps me up nights is the thought of a gay scoutmaster.


• By "swallowing camels," I'm sure you know what I mean. And a wink is as good as a nod to a blind bat.
  


• I don't really follow the candidates' "policies" and "positions" so much as I base my vote on these random, itchy feelings I get.


• If you don't like it, get out!


• Don't blame me; my brain stopped in 1986.

(Brandon Burt)

Vino Value

Cheap wine alert: I came across some very tasty wine on clearance at the Bountiful State Booze Store: DeLoach Merlot 2005. It's selling for the bargain basement price of $6.75. Plum, cassis, ripe cherries, chocolate, spice, and oak typify this silky, round Merlot. I'm not sure of the inventory elsewhere but it's worth scrounging around for. Hell, you can use it for cooking if nothing else.  (Ted Scheffler)

Healthy Debate

[Panel Recap] Today, the local chapter of American Society for Public Administration (ASPA) and the U of U's Center for Public Policy and Administration featured panels on the presidential race. Organizers brought together the opposing views of state GOP chair Stan Lockhart, state Democratic Party chair Wayne Holland, Obama Utah campaign director Suzanne Gelderman and McCain's Tim Bridgewater.

In his reverent, oh-so-paternal voice, GOP chair Lockhart kicked things off explaining what Republicans believe in ... which is essentially: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (which would presume that Ds don't?). Since Rs believe such inalienable rights are God-given, Rs are also "proudly" anti-abortion. He stressed Rs want to be free; they want a minimum of government interference in their lives.

He listed all the good things Utahns can thank its Republican leadership for: transportation, balanced budget, a Triple A bond rating.

Later on, an audience member tripped up both McCain's Bridgewater and Lockhart when he asked why McCain did not vote for SCHIP (a federal program that gives states funds to provide health insurance to families with children) especially when McCain himself had benefited from life-long federal health insurance for himself and his own family. Bridgewater admitted he didn't know enough about SCHIP and passed the hot potato to Lockhart.

Lockhart tried to reply by invoking the independence of Republicans, asking rhetorically: Do we really want government making health-care decisions for Americans?

To which the majority in the audience replied, "Yes!"

He stumbled around trying to find his footing, claiming that Obama is promising everything to everyone, and that Obama's health-care-for-all pledge is doomed to failure. Nobody in the audience seemed satisfied with the answer.

Bridgewater only seemed to underscore the health-care crisis by noting that his own small business recently had to decide between laying off employees and dumping health-insurance benefits. They chose to drop insurance so people could keep their jobs. Yet he still supports McCain's health-insurance solution!

In the wake of Wall Street bailouts (another example of our Republican-led government not intruding on our lives, Mr. Lockhart?), health care is not the hotly contested issue I thought it might be in this race. But underestimate its importance at your peril, candidates. (Jerre Wroble)

Stupider and Stupider

[Campaign 2008] Who will decide the winner between Obama and McCain? The 8 percent of stooopids in America.

So says John Oliver of The Daily Show. I saw this two days ago and I still laugh till my gut aches.

Vote.



[Holly Mullen]

Presidential Debate BS Detector

[Election 2008] There are alot of good bullshit detector sites popping up through the various news media that are worth checking out. Especially since it seems that election time is really when you learn the least about a candidate after sorting through their bullshit.

CNN has a great overall campaign site here, the Annenberg center out of the University of Pennsylvania has one very clued into campaign ads (being the beacons of insight that they are) and NPR does good post debate fact checking like this one from the snoozer debate in Nashville.

I would also like to throw two of my own yellow flags into this whole presidential shit throwing fracas. One regarding Obama and the 2005 energy vote and McCain's beloved troop surge strategy in Iraq.

Did Obama support the 2005 Bush Cheney energy bill loaded with tax breaks for Oil and Gas robber barons? Hell yes he did! Was it, as Biden and others have said because it also gave critical support for alternative energies...yes, but let's qualify that. You'll notice Obama and Biden don't get too specific on what kind of "alternative" energy that is. That's because while there were provisions for solar and wind a major component was that refiners be required to produce $7.5 billion gallons of ethanol. And for Obama representing a major corn producing state like Illinois, this little mandate amounted to some delicious pork barrel for the constituents back home. This analysis is from 2007 of voting records between Hillary Clinton and Edwards and Clinton and Obama, go to the second page for info on the 2005 energy vote.

Did the troop surge strategy work in Iraq? Yes...among other factors. The authors of the Economist magazine here point out that Iraq has really started making progress this past summer and credit is due to the surge, but not just that. One factor they point out that you don't often hear is that the reason there is less sectarian violence in Iraq is because the rivalling ethnic factions are actually running out of people to kill. Essentially their ethnic cleansing has gone so unchecked that they've actually succeeded in clearing whole neighborhoods of rival factions, killing them or forcing them into exile.

Anyways stuff to chew on as we prepare to enter another debate of pointed fingers, tall-tales and fuzzy numbers and statistics. (Eric S. Peterson)

UtahFM.org: Pinpoint SLC 6

[Media/Podcast] In this week's edition of UtahFM.org's Pinpoint SLC podcast, Bill Frost (some assclown from City Weekly) interviews local nerdcore hip-hoppers Rotten Musicians about their new CD release on Oct. 17, then Utah Opera's Crystal Young-Otterstrom talks Madame Butterfly. Rap and rhapsody, makes perfect sense.

Hear Pinpoint SLC now:
UtahFM.org
Podcast RSS Feed
Subscribe using iTunes

(Bill Frost)

Psych!

[Post-debate Footage] The McCain non-handshake:



In high school, we called this "the psych." Now, if McCain were to execute "the ultimate psych," he'd have followed up this maneuver by looking away, lifting his hand to his head and smoothing back his hairplugs. But, of course, he can't--y'know, hero injuries.

The fact that McCain is physically incapable of the ultimate psych may be why he, oddly, seemed to offer his left hand after it was too late.

(Brandon Burt)

"Still dead, Matt."

[Media] RFK Jr. handled Matt Lauer's very odd question pretty well, considering:



Aw, but who can keep track of all those Kennedys anyway?

(Brandon Burt)

God, Country & Super Dell

[DellWatch] Oh, joy! The SuperDellForGovernor.com blog is so full of great/crazy quotes, it's hard to believe it's for real. A sampling of the hits:

• "If you don’t vote for SUPERDELL you WILL suffer the wrath of GOD and the consequences of your own ignorance and stupidity."
• "Hurricanes, earthquakes, terrorism and other destruction will continue to escillate until America is humbled before God."
• "The vast majority of media in Utah is controlled by satan. Their fraud and deception must be stopped!!!"
• "There really isn't a choice for Governor in Utah for those that believe in God. ALL, 100%, every single Christian in Utah will vote for Dell Schanze as governor."

There's more--please keep 'em coming, SD! (Bill Frost)

Cash and "Carol"

Well, it's official: The vast left-wing media conspiracy now extends to your local theater's box office.

The conservative-themed satire An American Carol opened nationwide last Friday, and according to industry box office reports earned $3.6 million from its 1,600+ screens. But that couldn't possibly be accurate? Could it?

The official website for the film -- on a page subtly titled "fraud" -- suggests that the official box office numbers have been skewed by people who bought American Carol tickets being given tickets TO OTHER MOVIES ENTIRELY. Maybe even that Bill Maher movie!

The site even scare-quotes "mistakenly" to make it clear exactly what they think about the likelihood that their anecdotal reports are in fact the result of a "mistake." Maybe it's even a mistake like the grammatical delight, "There has been some isolated incidents." (Scott Renshaw)

UPDATE 5 p.m. Tuesday: Looks like the page has been removed from the site. Conspiracy?

Dead Zephyr: Week 256

(Bill Frost)

Ethics on a Deadline

[Legislative Sleaze] In the ongoing contest over which Utah legislator is more unethical--Rep. Greg Hughes, R-Draper, or Rep. Phil Riesen, D-Salt Lake City--it's looking like the calendar will win this one.

Rep. Todd Kiser, R-Sandy, and co-chairman of the House Ethics Committee, says he must follow a legislative rule and keep an upcoming hearing surrounding Hughes and Riesen closed to the public. Lawyers for Hughes and Riesen would like a court ruling to open the hearing, which was originally scheduled for later this week at the State Capitol. But both attorneys concede that cost and time are working against them.

The original charge in question focuses on an allegation that Hughes in 2006 offered then-Republican Rep. Susan Lawrence $50,000 to change her vote on the school vouchers bill from no to yes. Riesen got hold of documentation about the alleged bribe, and leaked the information to KSL-TV reporter John Daley last week. Now Hughes faces ethics charges for the alleged bribe. He's arguing Riesen breached legislative ethics rules and brought disrepute on the body (!!) by leaking the story to the media. Most Republican legislators, including House Speaker Greg Curtis, are painting the whole thing as an election season stunt orchestrated by Democrats.
While it's gratifying to see a little grease applied to the rusty spokes of legislative ethics in Utah, don't hold your breath waiting for an outcome. Hughes and several other Republicans who tried to force-feed vouchers on Utahns are locked in very competitive re-election battles this year. Kiser told The Salt Lake Tribune yesterday the task of getting to the bottom of this story will be terribly laborious:

"I think it could be a very long and drawn out committee meeting that lasts many days."

Translation (for those of us who didn't just tumble off the turnip truck):

"Uh, with only 29 days till the election we could really string this sucker out!"

(Holly Mullen)

Tolchock Trio Opening For Weezer

Surreal, but true. Head out to the E Center tomorrow, Oct. 7, to watch some of SLC's finest kick things off for Rivers Cuomo and Leia Bell's brother.

(Jamie Gadette, Video taken at the Trapp Door courtesy of Amber Jarvis)

Religulous

[Movies] As a Salt Lake Film Society member, I’ve grown accustomed to the ample elbow room inside the theaters. So this weekend was a surprise with lines stretching out to the street and sold-out shows. The commotion wasn’t a Sundance event but opening weekend for Bill Maher’s documentary “Religulous.” It took three trips to get tickets which were some of the last seats, right in the front row. And this was for an early Sunday evening showing.

Sure, the movie was entertaining and hilarious, but was light on substance. Based on Real Time with Bill Maher, I was hoping for something more engaging. Regardless, Religulous beats some of the drivel out there. But maybe that's just preaching to the faithless. (Joseph Bateman)

Subway to Philly

[Cheesesteak] Call me crazy. But I actually believed it when Subway said that their Big Philly Cheesesteak was Philadelphia Phillies slugger Ryan Howard’s “favorite” sandwich. After all, this guy can eat at Pat’s or Gino’s or Jim’s in Philly anytime he chooses, or at least during home stands. So last weekend I dropped by my local Subway to take their Big Philly Cheesesteak out for a spin. Well, what a turkey!

First, I think Subway is stretching the definition of “steak” to the limit. The steak filling seemed awfully similar to the roast beef they serve. Anyway, the steak portion was puny and where was the Whiz? The lack of grilled onions and peppers just contributed to the travesty. But the real bummer was the price: $6.12 with tax for a sandwich that weighed in at about one-third the size and one-tenth the flavor of a real Philly cheesesteak from Pat’s, which only costs 88 cents more. Just say no to Jared. (Ted Scheffler)

The SNL VP Debate

[Tina Fey] In case you missed it: Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill--nice reaction takes.



(Brandon Burt)

This Is How to Write an Endorsement

[Media] Have you read the New Yorker's endorsement of presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama? The column explores the backgrounds of both Obama and his Republican challenger Sen. John McCain, examines the challenges the next United States president must face, and considers the consequences resulting from either candidate's election. Now, that's how you write a thoughtful political endorsement. An excerpt:

Obama’s transformative message is accompanied by a sense of pragmatic calm. A tropism for unity is an essential part of his character and of his campaign. ... His policy preferences are distinctly liberal, but he is determined to speak to a broad range of Americans who do not necessarily share his every value or opinion. For some who oppose him, his equanimity even under the ugliest attack seems like hauteur; for some who support him, his reluctance to counterattack in the same vein seems like self-defeating detachment. Yet it is Obama’s temperament—and not McCain’s—that seems appropriate for the office both men seek and for the volatile and dangerous era in which we live. Those who dismiss his centeredness as self-centeredness or his composure as indifference are as wrong as those who mistook Eisenhower’s stolidity for denseness or Lincoln’s humor for lack of seriousness.

(Brandon Burt)

"We'll do it live!"

[Humor] A beautiful parody of O'Reilly's famous tantrum.

Oh, this kid's a real trouper. I wonder if he understands what he's saying. (Via Slog.)



(Brandon Burt)

Kopykat Korner

[Media Competition] Three days before this morning's edition of The Salt Lake Tribune, there was City Weekly.

We published this story on October 1.

They published this story on October 4.

As City Weekly intern Joseph Bateman points out in his piece, there are afficionodos of electric car and other alternative energy-fueled vehicles all over the state of Utah. It's practically become an industry for weekend mechanics and alternative energy geeks. So why would the Trib pick the same main subject, with essentially the same photos, to profile as CW did?

I mean, we're flattered over here on our little slice of Main Street. But usually the mainstream media tries to change up their derivative stories just a smidgen. (Holly Mullen)

How Utah Voted on the Bailout

[Congress] After an initial failure, the Millionaire Relief Fund, aka the $700 billion corporate bailout, passed the House on its second attempt and was signed into law with great haste by the Chimpster. The second version of the bill, hefting in at 451 pages, is obviously a vast improvement on the original, which was jotted out on a gum wrapper.

We can certainly be confident that our congressmen and -women, hardworking speedreaders that they are, diligently studied and understood every page. Here's how the Utah all-boy club voted (wow, what a sausagefest!):Love the bailout or hate it, it's too late now. That $700 billion is going where your representatives think it will do the most good: into all kinds of crazy accounts and funds managed by the people who screwed up the economy in the first place. (Remember, these are the same people who think Economics is a "science.")

Final votes: Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008
("The bailout bill")

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R): Yea

Sen. Bob Bennett (R): Yea

Rep. Jim Matheson (D, up for election): Nay*

Rep. Chris Cannon (R, lame duck): Yea

Rep. Rob Bishop (R, up for election): Nay**

* Matheson stuck to his guns and staunchly
opposed the bailout throughout the process.

** Bishop didn't change his vote, either--although
he may have been "on the fence."

They've worked so hard; if only there were some way we could register our approval or displeasure!

But wait--isn't there some kind of votey-thing coming up soon? Why, sure there is: Election Day is in one month: Tuesday, Nov. 4. Both Matheson and Bishop are anxiously waiting to hear how you have enjoyed their performance, and there are all kinds of interesting candidates running for Cannon's old 3rd-district seat. Try and guess which one will vote the way you want! It's fun!

Want to join in? Sure you do! All you need is to be a registered voter. If you are an American citizen who will be at least 18 years old by Election Day and are not currently incarcerated, it's your right. (Just out of jail? No problem! In Utah, a convicted felon is eligible to vote as soon as he/she is released from prison, even on probation or parole. Were you railroaded by the legal system? You know what to do--vote against that judge or prosecutor who sent you down the river. It'll make you feel better and, considering that delivering a hard shank to your enemy's gut is no longer an option, voting is one of the few legal ways available for expressing your seething hatred and resentment, you impulsive outlaw, you.)

If you've been waiting till the last minute to register, this is the last minute. You need to register now. You can still register by mail, but you must send in the form no later than Monday, Oct. 6.

Try this: It only takes about 10 minutes. And it's easy: Go to this Website, click the "Begin Registration" button at the bottom of the page, and fill out the form. All they want is your name, address and driver's license number (or the last four digits of your Social Security number). There are a couple other fields to fill out; nothing traumatic. It's a hell of a lot easier than setting up a Facebook profile or an eBay account.

Notice there is a box you can check for "permanent vote-by-mail." If you check that box, Sherrie Swenson--she's the Salt Lake County Clerk, and she's really very nice--will mail you a ballot three weeks before the election. Then you can vote in the comfort and privacy of your own home. On Election Day, while everyone else is forced to go hang out at some crowded, germ-ridden elementary school, you can slap on your "I Voted Today Two Weeks Ago" sticker, lean back with your feet up, and smile.

After you fill out the brief questionnaire, you will be given a link to your PDF voter registration form. Download it, print it out, sign it, put it in an envelope, lick a stamp, and snailmail it to Sherrie by Monday at the latest. (The address is on the PDF; it's Salt Lake County Elections Division, 2001 S. State Street #S1100, Salt Lake City, UT 84190-1051) Look at your watch: Only 10 minutes have elapsed. Maybe 15 if you're methodical. You' can spare a few minutes; it's the weekend.

DO IT NOW; do it this instant. Don't wait until Tuesday, or you'll be forced to drive to Sherrie's office and register in person. (The last date to register in person is Monday, Oct. 20, only two weeks away.)

Just do it! DO IT, DAMMIT, DO IT!

(Brandon Burt)

RadioActive Tonight: Veep Debate Redundancy

[Radio] City Weekly's Bill Frost (apparently representing urban liberals who love drive-thru abortions and free-trade weed at the Farmers Market) and other panelists (possibly including experts like a gun-totin' Republican hockey mom and a bar bouncer) will review last night's Vice Presidential Debate between Lurch (D) and Peggy Hill (R) on KRCL 90.9's RadioActive tonight, 6-7 pm. Likely to be not as boring as the actual debate, you betcha ... (Bill Frost)

And the winner is ...

[The V.P. Debate] ... the winner is Gwen Ifill. I'll admit I've got a thing for Ifill--she always strikes me as absolutely genuine, and she's just so damn good at her job. She kept this debate going right on schedule without once losing her cool, and so deftly handled topic changes that the viewer hardly noticed that Sarah Palin kept answering questions that had not yet been asked. (Also, Ifill's smile makes me feel all warm inside, as if everything's going to be OK, and like she runs such a tight, friendly ship that one of her intern assistants is about to take a batch of cookies out of the oven at just the right moment.)

Thankfully, Palin announced from the get-go that she wasn't even going to try to answer the questions, but preferred to speak "to the American people" directly. This was wise, not only because Palin tends to go off the rails when she's not reciting from a memorized statement, but, by comparison with Joe Biden's off-the-cuff style, Palin will play well with those who expect everybody on TV to exhibit a glossy, anchor-desk exterior. (Palin's pronunciation of "nuclear" was interesting--any news anchor knows how to pronounce it, and Palin managed it once or twice, seemingly by mistake. The rest of the time, she made a studied effort to say "nucular." Was it an attempt to prove that strange, belabored GOP talking-point that the "alternate pronunciation" favored by George W. Bush actually exists?)

Still, between McCain-bashing sessions, Biden was the only candidate to show any interest in the actual questions. Astute viewers--former debate-squad geeks, mainly--will recognize that there is a considerable amount of intellectual flexibility beneath Biden's rumpled exterior. He thinks about things, and his principles seem based on reason rather than ideology. To avoid disaster, Palin had to cling rigidly to her speechwriters' prepared material; Biden is better at extemporizing, but he had to avoid losing his cool and reacting with Al Gore-like huffs and grimaces whenever Palin cheerfully blurted out some GOP-style whopper about economic policy or the Iraq War.

I listened to the first 15 minutes of the debate on KUER, on my way home from work, and viewed the remainder at home on KUTV-2--so I missed out on features like CNN's pleasure graph, which measured from moment to moment how viewers of both sexes were enjoying the onscreen action. Both Democrats and Republicans, of course, will claim victory.

Also, in the spirit of full disclosure, I admit to having an agenda--I want Barack Obama to be president. But, to be honest, I didn't hate Sarah Palin. She really is likable, if you don't think about what she's actually trying to do. I still fear her as much as I fear any stealth-Evangelical Manchurian candidate but, if it were possible to take her at her word, she would be the type of person I wouldn't mind having a beer with. (Of course, by far, the best evening of all would be margaritas with Gwen Ifill.) Unfortunately, we've seen where that kind of voting gets us.

They both are very nice candidates, and, even though the likability contest was obviously stacked against Biden, he's a fighter. He got in his licks. He absolutely hammered the Bush administration on the money it's spent on the made-up war in Iraq vs. the justifiable war in Afghanistan. He scored the evening's highest emotionally charged moment discussing the struggles of American families in his statement, "I know what its like to raise a child where you are not sure he's going to make it." His criticism of Dick Cheney and the "unitary executive"--a staggeringly important issue, but one not easy to articulate in two minutes--rang true.

And, in the end, Biden was absolutely correct: This could be the most important election since 1932. The prospect of four more years of irresponsible Republican rule is terrifying. So I'm going to say that, in substantive terms, Biden won--which is to say that, if they were playing by Lincoln-Douglas high-school forensics rules, the teachers would have given him an A-. Palin gets a C, but after some grade-grubbing and a stern note from her parents, she manages to change it to a solid B-.

Which was much better than we expected.



(Brandon Burt)

Architectural Atonement

[Downtown] I've been watching with interest the restoration of a beautiful old façade just on the other side of Sam Weller's Books from the City Weekly offices. I don't know a lot about architecture, but I believe the style is neoclassical. (I was calling it "Egyptian revival," which is a term I may have simply made up, but for some reason that's how it strikes me. You know, it's all kind of mystical and Rosicrucian and fraught with symbolism, the way all things were back at the turn of the 20th century. Perhaps the style is more accurately termed Greek revival.)

In the mid-20th century, people wanted buildings to look sleek and, well, as bland as possible so as not to detract from those big, swashy, modern brush-script signs and logos they liked in those days. So they covered up the old building façades with flat panels. Even after big, swashy logos fell out of fashion, however, the boring, flat-panel façades remained--for decades contributing an opaque joylessness to downtown's general air of desolation.

It's exciting that property owners such as this one care enough to restore the original integrity of their buildings. It gives me a strange feeling--one that I haven't had for a long time. I'm having a hard time identifying it ... what is that feeling? You know, the opposite of dread and despair? The emotion you feel when you think that things might, one day, stop getting worse, or even improve?

Oh, yeah! That feeling is hope. Hope that, in 10 years, downtown is going to be an amazing and beautiful place to work and play.

I wasn't able to determine the architectural term for this interesting panel on the front of the building. (I almost called it a "medallion," but I think that applies to ceilings not walls. I'm curious, though, so if any architecture geeks know the term, let me know.) It once gave the building's construction date and, I think, the name of the architect--or maybe the original owner:

"B.G.R. *OULD, 1**8."

It, along with other details, was damaged during installation of the steel beams used to support the secondary flat façade. That is, it's not the fault of the people who are restoring the building. A group of us were chatting recently about what the original lettering might have been. My wild guess is "B.G.R. Gould, 1918."

(Brandon Burt)

CarCrashLanded

Last Saturday, Portland's CarCrashLander touched down at Slowtrain, performing for a decidedly modest crowd of maybe ten people. Shows you how much sway I have in this town.

Oh well.

Low turnout notwithstanding, the amiable quartet played as if they'd sold out Madison Square Garden, taking advantage of the live setting to pump up the volume on songs whose recorded versions are much softer, less keen on distortion.

Fronted by multi-instrumentalist Cory Gray who plays in several popular Portland groups including Norfolk & Western, CarCrashLander produces beautiful, piano and trumpet-driven material buoyed by Gray's hushed, but confident vocals. Guitarist Alexis Gideon (formerly of cross-dressing rap dup Princess and proud owner of a solo project headed to the Woodshed Oct. 28, along with Shelley Short whose harmonies on CarCrashLander's "Gold Sunset" are truly something else) turned heads (well, at least mine) with crazy noisy effects pedals that helped transform the set into a psychedelic frenzy. Totally loud and enjoyable.
I highly recommend checking them out and begging them to play again, both at Slowtrain (whose acoustics seem to be getting better and better) and perhaps a larger watering hole.

Before and/or after, we can all go to Twilite.

(Jamie Gadette, Photos by the lovely Ayn Averett)

Rant & Roll

[No Rescue Rally] Are you mad as hell and not going to take it anymore? Then head to the Federal Building at 150 S. State on Friday, Oct. 3, from 5-6:30 p.m. and tell Congress and Wall Street just what you think of the Fail-Out plan.

Look for the folks from Utah Jobs With Justice who'll be there demanding that Congress:

• Make the guilty execs who profited from the mess pay for the clean-up
• Ensure capital infusions have binding public ownership requirements
• Restructure and rein in reckless private financial institutions
• Pass a real recovery plan, for Main Street as well as Wall Street, paid for with progressive taxation, that addresses the needs for good jobs, affordable housing, health care, pensions, infrastructure and green economy.

The only question is, will someone be listening? By 5 p.m. Friday, most fed workers are history. (Jerre Wroble)

Cuckoos Against Kokopelli

[Community Activism] A story in the Trib illustrates that's it's possible to make a difference in this world, even if you're a misguided idiot. Scandalized and titillated by a statue of an American Indian fertility god at Edge of the Cedars State Park, some puritanical scolds formed a pressure group and had it removed. Blanding is not just a place, it's a process.

(Originally, the group called itself "Citizens Opposed to Carvings of Kokopelli." Then, after they printed out T-shirts printed with the group's acronym, they became opposed to themselves, organized a leaflet campaign, and wouldn't stop protesting each other until they had forced themselves to change their name to the "Values Committee.")

Park management refused to clear a patch of locoweed, however, evidently reasoning that a group that was so obviously insane to begin with has no standing.

Popular images of Kokopelli, of the type found in corporate logos and on wind chimes and serenity desk fountains in gift shops all over southern Utah, typically omit the vital appendage, rendering the "fertility god" infertile--which, if you think about it, is much more offensive and perverse than otherwise. The effect this has had on the the popular imagination is obvious.

(Brandon Burt)

The Palin Prep Vlog

[Campaign '08] How's Sarah Palin preparing for tonight's Vice Presidential Debate against Joe Biden? When she's not creekside, that is? Not this vlog, though it is mildly entertaining. We all know SLC's own Deena Marie could do better; we'll be waiting, DM ...



(Bill Frost)

Hold The Onion

In case you were wondering what to look for during tonight's much-anticipated debate between vice-president candidates Sarah Palin and Joseph Biden, the most useful tidbits come -- as usual -- from The Onion. Trust us, everything will make so much more sense. (Scott Renshaw)

UtahFM.org: Pinpoint SLC 5

[Media/Podcast] This week, UtahFM.org's local entertainment podcast Pinpoint SLC features SLUG's Angela Brown chatting up Spy Hop and Musicology--not related to Prince, far as we know.

Hear Pinpoint SLC now:

UtahFM.org

Podcast RSS Feed

Subscribe using iTunes

(Bill Frost)

Band On The Run: BOA Tour Diary Continues

Day 23. Stop Buzzin' My Harsh: A list of things you've missed.

1. No gas in Nashville, due to Hurricane Ike. The BOAs slept at The Basement: Jay, Trever, and Kirk in the parking lot on the pavement, the rest in the van.

2. Jamie almost got hit by a truck jay-running across the street to catch Robert Plant. Mr. Plant was startled and slipped into a shop, but to no avail. Jamie caught him & got his autograph: "Stay Alive, Robert Plant."

3. Band of Annuals attend U.N. Cocktail party at the Rayburn building in D.C. (snacks & booze? yes please)

4. That night we slept in an abandoned middle-school. In the morning we were kicked out by an angry old man, the blanket torn from a groggy Jimmie Timm (if you've ever seen Jamie in the morning...)

5. In NYC waiting at our friend Lauren's apt door, Trever and Brent were hit with an iPod charger! A crazy woman threw it from the second floor. She then came downstairs, we thought to let us in...but instead gave us a doubled handed flip-off yelling "Get the Fucking Point!!!"

6. Later that day she barged into Lauren's apartment, twice. We called the cops.

7. The van smelled more like death than usual. Charlie tracked down the smell: a little cooler filled with hotdogs we got in Nashville, ten days prior.

8. Brent and Trever rode bikes across Manhattan Bridge. Kirk (the merch dude) took off and popped his tire in Chinatown--took the subway and met us in Brooklyn.

9. 30th Street Guitars fixed Trever's bass & provided a box to ship the loaner bass back to Little Rock. (thanks guys!)

10. Jamie flushed a tiny harmonica down Lauren's toilet.

11. Don't take a trailer to NYC. Or D.C. for that matter.

(Band of Annuals)

Saveuring Breakfast

[Breakfast] If, like me, you get a little teary remembering the offal and eggs breakfast at the much-missed Bill & Nada’s, you might want to take a gander at the October issue of Saveur. The Breakfast Issue is an ode to all things breakfast, from British bubble & squeak and Mexican chilaquiles to Parsi akuri and the sayur lodeh breakfast of Singapore. Did you know that in Ghana, a popular breakfast is preserved fish with an incendiary chile sauce called shitto? Beats cold pizza. You can bring on the scrapple at Saveur.com. (Ted Scheffler)

Politics and Beer

[Political Bar Crawls] Okay. I'll admit it. I'm a political junkie. Each day, I get pleas from candidates and organizations across the political spectrum seeking donations or free labor. It's my obsession that brings the influx of emails. Most of the time, I just hit the delete key. Ridiculously priced fundraisers that I can't afford or sitting in a cubicle making phone calls isn't how I want to spend my five minutes of free time. I'm not sure why but political events seem doomed to be boring.

But an email from the Young Democrats of Utah and Drinking Liberally SLC changed my thinking. The two organizations are holding a Park City bar crawl this Friday outside Mulligans Bar (800 Main St.) at 8:00 p.m. As the event states, "You don’t have to be young - and you don’t have to be a democrat -to enjoy great company and political conversation during this event."

Politics and beer. What could be better? Perhaps, a downtown bar crawl but maybe that's pressing my luck. (Joseph Bateman)

Now THAT'S Fair and Balanced!

[Media] Fox News is so fair and balanced, they count the hands of imaginary people who aren't even in the room ...



(Brandon Burt)

The Latest Economic Analysis From George Will

[Media] If we proles weren't so greedy, none of this ever would have happened. Ooh, plus a Sinclair Lewis quote! Well, lah-di-dah. Them newspaper-type folks read books!

Apparently, George Will's friends have decided that we think of ourselves as "Main Street" people--setting ourselves in resentful opposition to those "Wall Street" types. For my part, I consider myself a "university district" person--and I've learned that there are very good reasons not to hang out with stockbrokers. None of those reasons has anything to do with Will's fantasies of populist resentment. (Mainly, it's just that my spare time is limited, so I can't justify spending it with a crass asshole in a suit whose only topics of conversation are 1. crude comments about potential sexual targets, and 2. the amount of money he made last year.)

From there, Will constructs an elaborate fairy tale about the way we commoners look at ourselves and our finances. For instance, we have a nasty habit of trying to secure homes for our families. And, if that weren't bad enough, when we get cheated out of our equity and booted onto the street in droves, we have the audacity to blame the poor, misunderstood predatory lenders for mismanaging their investments. Simply because the government has been, for the past eight years, confiscating a third or so of our wages to prop up CEOs' lavish lifestyles is no reason for us to get all uppity. If we weren't prepared to sacrifice an additional five-eighths of our income on the altar of free-market consumer capitalism, we had no business attempting to sleep indoors in the first place.

Then, Will lauds some "rising generation of thoughtful Republicans" comprised, apparently, of the four remaining Americans who have failed to recognize the moral, intellectual and managerial bankruptcy of the GOP. Two of them voted for the bailout and two voted against it--but all four did so based on sound economic principals. Well, good for them. Sound economic principals are evidently flexible as far as the Republican Party is concerned, but thank goodness they're not so flexible as to encompass the dangerous and unsound principals which led Democrats to vote for and against the bailout.

Will finishes up by claiming the 2008 elections are "closely contested," and by characterizing the public's "principals" as "center-right." The Republican flak is whistling in the dark: The GOP is desperately trying to keep its losses in Congress down to a merely catastrophic level, while a McCain White House win will take either a miracle or a concerted felonious effort.

And, if it really were possible to ascertain the average left-to-right political position of "the public," how could that average, mathematically, be anything other than "center"? This is where Will's whole argument collapses: If the public--that public which Will has just spent 750 words belittling as self-serving and irresponsible--really has "center-right principals," then it must be those center-right Republican principals that have brought the economy to its knees. QED, asshole.

George Will, you can fuck right off. I am sick and tired of your intellectually lazy diatribes, and those of your corporate-media cohorts. Yeah, you're good at using dog-whistle words, and few readers will bother to rigorously analyze what you write--which is why you've been able to get away with such shoddy logic for so long. But don't you feel even a little guilty for profiting from this kind of calculated intellectual dishonesty?

If not, sir, then I'm afraid you have no soul.

(Brandon Burt)