Obama's Birth Certificate Found!

[Conspiracy Theories] President-elect Barack Obama was totally born in the USA; this birth certificate from the not-at-all-insane "real" journalists at WorldNetDaily.com proves it!

(Bill Frost)

Mock the (Utah) Vote

[2008 Election] Apparently, so many Utahns this past fall were busy contributing cash and time at phone banks to killing same-sex marriage in the whole other state of California, they forgot to vote!

Or maybe they just didn't care care.**

Or maybe they figured Barack Obama had it in the bag, which it turned out, he did. Even in parts of Utah (Salt Lake and Grand counties to be exact).

[Insert obligatory nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah to right wingers in Utah here.)

Here is how much our electorate in this state sucks (taken from George Washington University data): We have 1.77 million eligible voters and only 952,370 of them voted. In 2004, when Utah voters rallied for George W. Bush, only 58.9 percent of us voted.

We are 47th in the nation for 2008 voter participation. West Virginia and Hawaii tied for dead last, with 50.6 percent turnout. Then Arkansas at 53.4 percent, followed by the nearly equally ignorant and unengaged masses in the Beehive State with 53.8 percent.

Note that this is the state of the oft-cited Mormon majority, where LDS church leaders urge members from cradle to grave that voting is a crucial civic and moral obligation. Guess they were sleeping during that particular talk in sacrament meeting. (Except, as noted, when it comes to sending millions of dollars to the Prop 8 forces in California.)

Mad props to patriotic Minnesota, my home from 1988-94, which took first place in voting turnout with more than 77 percent. (Holly Mullen)

**U.S. State Department photo above, depicts Afghan women who, unlike slobs in Utah, are willing to stand in line for hours to vote.

Gettin' High With Superdell

[Post-Election 2008] His 23,000-strong (!) campaign may be over, but Superdell Schanze is anything but out in our new "ObamaNation Amerika." He's celebrating his "quickly-deteriorating" liberties by flying around in his S-Trike, the aircraft he "manufactures and sells all over the world ... Too darn fun!" Hope the warranty's better than the one on his Totally Awesome Doorstops some of us still have lying around ...



(Bill Frost)

Mock the Vote: Expert Post-Election Analysis

[Election 2008] Now comes the time to analyze the Election 2008 results in a thoroughly unprofessional, snarky manner. Hey, it's all we gots ...

United States President
Barack Obama beats John McCain (but not in Utah): As funny as it was to watch John McCain diehards and Fox News anchors (the same) whine and shit blood on Election Night as McCain conceded the U.S. presidency to Barack Obama, there was still the small matter of Utah attempting, predictably, to extend the run of a miserably failed Republican regime. And not just any Republican: The worst president in modern history! Yes, McCain (and only McCain, not that dumb cooz Sarah Palin) is far smarter and more honorable than our soon-to-be-former Tard in Chief George W. Bush (ah, savor that name fading into the ether), but Utah would have voted for an out-patient rodeo clown if he had an (R) after his name. Yet Obama and creepy Joe Biden lost Utah by fewer points than any Democratic presidential ticket since … City Weekly doesn’t pay for research, so who knows? It seems like progress, until you look at Utah’s local races, anyway…

State Governor
Jon Huntsman Jr. beats Bob Springmeyer: Why would you even think of challenging the Ken Doll for the office of Utah Governor? Bob Springmeyer lost hard and was put away wet by incumbent Republican Jon Huntsman Jr., a handsome old dude I’d swear I’ve seen on those Touch of Gray hair-color commercials dragging around surfboards and rockin’ out with Cream. Psychodell Schanze was also in this race, and 1% of you voted for him. Stay away from me.

Second District Congressman
Jim Matheson beats Bill Dew: Jim Matheson is supposedly a Democrat—he won anyway. If you saw any of Bill Dew’s campaign signs, it’s not hard to understand why.

Third District Congressman
Jason Chaffetz beats Bennion Spencer: Republican Jason Chaffetz came of nowhere (and Facebook), knocked off ol’ Chris Cannon in the primaries and then won the whole deal by 66%. Since his name sounds like an outlet store in an Orem strip mall, I don’t think anyone ever really took Bennion Spencer seriously.

Attorney General
Mark Shurtleff beats Jean Welch Hill: Another male Republican win—what a shocker! Even though he’s basically a torso-less head on a pair of crutches anymore, Mark Shurtleff apparently still appeals to Utahns more than some woman with big hair and three names. Blame it on Enid Green Waldholtz, if you remember her.

Salt Lake County Mayor
Peter Corroon beats Michael Renckert: Peter Corroon was stuffed by a taxidermist years ago, but people still love him—and he’s a Democrat! Michael Renckert was just too bald to win; Mayor is a job that requires great hair, cueball.

Salt Lake County Councilman
Randy Horiuchi beats Steven DeBry: Blowing a wad of cash on annoying ads paid off for Democrat Randy Horiuchi. That, and Steven DeBry’s association with a cut-rate technical college that cranks out unskilled graduates like bologna. Wait, that’s DeVry. Now I have no idea why DeBry lost.

State Senator
Chris Buttars beats John Rendell: An "allegedly" racist douchebag Republican who’s a complete embarrassment to the state and mankind in general squeaks by in the final hours. Dreams can come true, kids! It’s good to know that Utahns will stand by an offensive old coot whose ideas and beliefs ceased to be relevant sometime before the advent of Evolution. Sorry, Evolution never happened; it was all Jesus and Bob the Builder, or however the hell that story goes. My bad. (Bill Frost)

Another Voting Machine Conspiracy

Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President

Cock-Block the Vote

[Election 2008] It's never too early for a good voting machine conspiracy, so away we go:



Good news for Chuck Baldwin and Ralph Nader, though. This should make up for their lack of coffee cups at 7-Eleven. (Bill Frost)

Last Night's Obama Infomercial

[Campaign 2008] In case you missed last night's Barack Obama infomercial on CBS, NBC, Fox, BET, Univision, Cartoon Network and The Aquarium Channel (premium digital, totally worth it), here 'tis:



(Bill Frost)

Oh, That C-r-r-a-z-y San Francisco

[Travelogue] I just returned this afternoon from four days in the sassy and totally independent 51st state of San Francisco. And I feel right now as I always do after returning to SLC from SF--a little dizzy, a little like I've been transported from one planet to another.

In a good way.

My husband and I drove to SF for the wedding of a gay couple that is very dear to us. David Hardy and James Brentano have been committed to each other for 27 years. They own a condominium together in the city's Mission Dolores neighborhood. They have been together in sickness and in health. They each come from a huge, extended family (David a former Mormon of pioneer stock who grew up in Salt Lake City; Jimmy a Catholic who spent most of his youth in Connecticut). They got married in a lovely public park called Sigmund Stern Grove in the city's Sunset neighborhood. (That's the historic Trocadero Inn, above, which is where we danced and drank toasts to our friends' happiness.) Siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends came from all over the country to celebrate. It was one beautiful event.

Of course, it held all that much more meaning that our friends chose to get married in the final days leading up to California's vote on Proposition 8, which would ban same-sex marriage. David and Jimmy are taking the whole thing in stride--if pro-Prop 8 forces are successful in banning their now-legal marriage, they will simply stay together, stay in love and keep fighting for the long-overdue recognition of their civil rights.

Anyway, San Francisco is famous for running a huge number of ballot initiatives every election year, and this season is no exception. There are 24 initiatives (they are identified by letters in the alphabet, so the list goes all the way to X). Needless to say, there are measures before San Francisco voters this year that would curl the hair of Utah voters. For instance, a nice woman with wildly curly gray hair, hanging past her waist, was standing outside a natural foods store in the Bernal Heights neighborhood, where we were staying, handing out leaflets for Initiative V, which would ban the Junior ROTC program and military recruiting in the city's public schools. This newspaper columnist is outraged by the notion.

Couldn't you just see it here in Utah?

So, I'm back in the real world now. SLC is my city and I love it. But it's always good to get the ol' senses recharged in San Francisco now and again. (Holly Mullen)

Vote, the Wright Way

[Election 2008] Don't know which way to vote in the upcoming presidential election? Even at this late date? Seriously? Anyway, KSL game show host, er, "newsman" Doug Wright is here to drop some knowledge with some fancy Interweb video. Never mind that Utah is in no way a factor in the electoral outcome, and will go for McCain/Palin because and only because of the one (R) rating they can support. Oh, and "We all have Mitt Romney remorse"? Take it away, Duh-g:



(Bill Frost)

Saturday Night With Sarah

[Campaign 2008] Yes, here's your obligatory clip of Tina Fey vs. Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live over the weekend:



(Bill Frost)

Night of the Living McCains

[Campaign 2008] Have no idea what's going on in this Reuters photo from last night's Obama/McCain debate; don't care. Anyone for a 28 Days Later reference?

(Bill Frost)

Provo Has The Hots For Ralph Nader?

[Election '08] The Provo campus chapter of The Nader for President 2008 campaign is one of the largest in the nation, according to an email from the campaign. Who would've thought that the bastion of conservatives is boiling over with liberals? The Nader campaign didn't respond to a request asking for the size of the group. So who knows, maybe Utah county will go green....err whatever color Nader is running as this election.

It's not just Utah county Nader is banking on. The campaign opened an office at 455 E 400 S Suite 203 in downtown Salt Lake City. The office is one of 22 that the campaign opened across the country as part of the get-out-the-vote effort. Why was Utah picked? The Nader campaign was silent on this as well. I guess we'll have to wait until election day to see what Ralph has up his sleeves.

(Joseph Bateman)

RadioActive Tonight: Veep Debate Redundancy

[Radio] City Weekly's Bill Frost (apparently representing urban liberals who love drive-thru abortions and free-trade weed at the Farmers Market) and other panelists (possibly including experts like a gun-totin' Republican hockey mom and a bar bouncer) will review last night's Vice Presidential Debate between Lurch (D) and Peggy Hill (R) on KRCL 90.9's RadioActive tonight, 6-7 pm. Likely to be not as boring as the actual debate, you betcha ... (Bill Frost)

The Palin Prep Vlog

[Campaign '08] How's Sarah Palin preparing for tonight's Vice Presidential Debate against Joe Biden? When she's not creekside, that is? Not this vlog, though it is mildly entertaining. We all know SLC's own Deena Marie could do better; we'll be waiting, DM ...



(Bill Frost)

Sarah Palin: '80s Sports Babe

[Campaign '08] Went looking for that beauty pageant swimsuit footage, found this instead. How's the ozone layer up there?



(Bill Frost)

Cotton-Peggy '08

[Election '08] John McCain is up in the polls, presumably because of the introduction of VP nom Sarah Palin last week--oh, America, so fickle.

But, our previous assessment of the Battlestar Galactica influence maybe have been a bit overblown, as evidenced by these two ads recently sent in to us: It's all about Cotton and Peggy from King of the Hill, voters!

(Bill Frost)

Battlestar Presidentia

[RNC Wackiness] Via the gaming website QuarterToThree.com, the odd similarities between the McCain/Palin ticket and Battlestar Galactica's Col. Tigh and President Roslin. Maybe they are the ones to lead us into the future! (Yes, sci-fi purists, it's never been established that BSG takes place in the future--shut up!)

(Bill Frost)

DNC Opening Night Part II: Michelle Obama Knocks it out of the Park

[Democratic National Convention] Michelle Obama owned the Pepsi Convention center last night. She brought personality, power and message with only one crack in the speech to speak of, when it came to tipping the hat to ol' Hillary.

Michelle Obama opened the speech by making it personal, drawing the audience in with the example of her father. A blue collar man who worked hard all his life in a Chicago water filtration plant to put his brother through college. An everyday example of courage who struggled in the last years of his life with multiple sclerosis. “He was our champion. If he was in pain he never let on. Even while struggling to button his own shirt. He would just wake up a littler earlier and work a little harder," Michelle said. "Even struggling with two canes just to cross the room to kiss our mother."

Michelle emphasized that her tradition and Barack’s were working class. It was an important point and worth mentioning that while both she and Barack had educations and opportunities to work in high paying law firms they rededicated themselves to working in low income neighborhoods. for Michelle it meant giving back to her community. For Barack it meant community activism in Chicago neighborhoods devastated by the loss of Steel manufacturing plants.

Their backgrounds may be different to some but their goals and their dreams were common. "All of us driven by the belief that the world as it is just won't do."

This message they hoped to relate to all Americans.

“My piece of the American dream, is made from the same conviction that drives men and women all across this country,” Michelle said. From parents struggling with two jobs to “the military families who say grace each night with an empty seat at the table,” Michelle made the case that her and her husband were part of a larger American family. “Barrack doesn’t care where you’re from, he knows the thread that connects all of us.”

The speech was killer. With only one really tense moment. Some might say it was where she said “that’s why I love this country.” I don’t. You could tell she meant it. The only awkward moment was when speaking of heroes Michelle said, “like Hillary Clinton.”

The moment received immediate, roaring applause. But there was something wrong. Almost imperceptible. It wasn’t insincerity, it was a moment of just tense almost over-focused poise. Michelle knew what was at stake and knew it had to be natural the way she delivered this simple praise. Unfortunately the white knuckle grip she had on trying to confidently and assuredly deliver this praise, effectively choked out any natural delivery.

This moment however was but one crack in a speech that I think should connect with many blue-collar and disenchanted democrats. That is, if they were listening. (Eric S. Peterson)

DNC Opening Night Part I: The Undercard Speakers

[Democratic National Convention] Part of the advantage to not being at the Democratic National Convention here in Denver, is that if you're at home watching, you pretty much just get to see the heavy hitters. Ted Kennedy and Michelle Obama had the Pepsi Convention Center on their feet and chanting. And another speech by 30 year Iowa Republican House member Jim Leach raised the flag for bipartisan support of Obama past being just a cliche in the speeches of others.

Oh and there were others, in reality the three stellar speeches mentioned above were good but in whole barely made up for like the bajillion crappy speeches that opened the convention since it started at 3 in the afternoon.

Most were well meaning, people who used to work with Obama or were followers cured of their political apathy by the influence of Obama. But most speeches were formulaic regurgitations of the same platitude. Slight (and I mean slight) variations on the same message. No politics as usual, change we can believe in, change we need, change we deserve, not four more years of the same.

(New prediction: Guest appearance of David Bowie in all denim singing "Changes")

Then Ted Kennedy spoke. Man I feel like an asshole for my earlier fun poking at the guy. The ailing Kennedy after a touching (and I mean touching, sorry its hard turning off my sarcasm sometimes) video roused the convention with a call for pushing for universal health care. Kennedy's style, even in his fragile state still hearkens the mind to the oratory one imagines you would hear from a classic Roman senator throwing heart and soul into defense of the Republic.

"This is not about just victory, but about renewal of our nation," Kennedy said.

Leach soon after echoed a similar thought. While being a proud conservative, Leach had no qualms in his ringing endorsement of Obama. Calling his campaign a "clarient call for renewal" in the country.

Leach pointed out that the previous administration had not only done under the country but had demolished classic conservative standards. "The party of military responsibility has taken us to war with a country that never attacked us. And the party historically anchored in fiscal restraint has nearly doubled the national debt, squandering our precious resources in an undisciplined and unprecedented effort to finance a war with tax cuts."

Leach was the real deal and made from a conservative standpoint a strong case for Obama, a "transcendant" leader to heal the partisan divide. Noting that historically liberals and conservatives all recognize that "in troubled times, country comes before party."

For the full text of his speech check it out here.

The main act of course was Michelle Obama's speech (see next blog) but for major points Kennedy and Leach made a strong bi-partisan case for Obama to deliver on change without making it a cliche. Their one-two combination should be one the party should work to deliver again and again for a November knockout.

One thing they should definitely not rely on is, the oratory of House Speaker nancy Pelosi. She came in trying to get the crowd into doing a big chanting thing about "McCain is wrong!" Which seemed tacky and ineffectual. Not to mention the fact that the all white (one piece?) suit she wore made her look like she should be the captain of Star Trek Voyager. Oh well, I suppose she could be considered the future of the party. (Eric S. Peterson)

Democratic National Convention: Showdown at the Denver Pepsi Center

[Democratic National Convention] I was trying to figure out what would be the theme of my first ever national convention while riding out in the taxi to downtown Denver. Party unity was apparently the rallying cry for convention organizers, and if it was a meant to be a battle cry for November that’s because party captains knew, that at the moment, it was a cry of pain. McCain had quickly mobilized to capitalize on Hillary supporters who felt jilted by Obama passing her up for veep. A recent gallup poll released yesterday found that almost 30 percent of former Hillary supporters were now supporting McCain, or at least, not Obama. Oh yes, the GOP and the McCain camp had their thumb in the cut and the democrats were indeed crying ‘Unity!” They were shrieking it for godsakes.

But if the GOP has capitalized on the division nationally, here in Denver the showdown is not between democrats calling on republicans everywhere. It is between coastal liberals and the western purple state cowboys. And in the case of my cab driver Anne, cowgirls.

“I had a friend who’s been a democrat for thirty years,” says Anne as we cruise out towards downtown Denver. “He was a Spanish fella, and a big Hillary supporter. Since she lost he’s voting McCain and he’s actively campaigning for McCain.”

The first thing I noticed about Anne was the bizarre assortment of bobble head frog figurines cluttering the dash of her cab. The second thing I noticed about Anne was a good rocky mountain liberal attitude, blue-collar and straight talking. When I told her about the Hillary defectors she figured it was probably closer to fifty percent.

Either way the western democratic showdown was on. The town was readying for a party of unity. To try and get a little healing done and press a united front into November. The party has a candidate with a revolution of “change” hoping to ride him into an historic election victory. But first the party has to show that they understand the soul of blue collar folks.

I couldn’t help but notice tucked in the back of the cab a flyer that read “Obama talks Shop,’ depicting Barack getting his hair cut in a black barber shop. I wondered how many black barber shops there were in Colorado. Certainly some, hell there’s at least a couple in Salt Lake, but still it’s clear that now is the time for the democratic party to start fine tuning the message--its not necessarily a racial thing, but thinking more Western is something the party should be mindful of, especially if they want to keep more of those blue collar Hill-raisers from jumping ship.

So predictions… Things are gonna get folksy real fast. Western and southern democrats are going to get the podium, a lot. The conference opened with a video montage of various Western democrats giving their support in various western backdrops: Colorado Governor Bill Ritter in fly-fishing gear in front of a river, Nevada’s Sen. Majority leader Harry Reid in a ten gallon hat. The message was good, like Colorado congressman Ken Salazar: “We’re mainstream westerners that just want to get the job done.” But the props were a little much.

Still the message can resound especially on class lines. And the class card should be played, and played smartly.

Cue Party treasurer Andrew Tobias at the opening night: “In the last eight years the only kinds of people who have done better off are those with private jets, who can’t even remember how many houses they own.”

Score!

My other prediction for democrats going country-- actually my hope is, that god willing, I might spy Ted Kennedy in all denim. Call me a dreamer…

But if I don’t see that I can at least count on Obama cheer leaders like the girls pictured above. Who drove up from Santa Cruz, California bringing their so-cal sex appeal in a station wagon covered in Obama stickers. Five to ten says your not gonna find legs like that at the Republican National Convention. (Eric S. Peterson)