Children Suffer Irreparable Harm

[The Sex Maniacs of Tomorrow] According to a story in the D-News, some parents are fuming because a reel jockey at the Megaplex in South Jordan got some movies mixed up. The audience was expecting High School Musical 3--and what they got was (gasp!) Sex Drive.

"I could not carry my little children out before they were exposed to extremely vulgar and sexually explicit material," said one parent. That's right--exposed!!! To sexually explicit material!!! (That means boobies and naughty words.)

Now, everybody knows the permanent harm that comes from the sight of a breast after the age of 2 and before the age of 18. Little Johnny is obviously now warped for life; those parents have no choice but to abandon their damaged goods at the nearest orphanage and start all over again from scratch. (But, of course, the less said about that, the better.)

Still, one gets the feeling that these parents may be overreacting a bit--if not for the sake of a deep-pockets settlement from Larry Miller, then because, as people who have cut themselves off from nearly all popular culture, they're incapable of determining what "extremely vulgar and sexually explicit material" really is.

(Brandon Burt)