Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Robbery Update: My Personal Theory

[Crimesolvers!] Now, I'm no criminologist. But the idea that the bank robber is an UrRu? Kind of ridiculous. A Skeksi might rob a bank, but not a poor, old, wise UrRu. Face it, the robber is probably not any kind of a Muppet. Snuffleupagus is too slow to get away, and it's been years since Animal robbed a bank; it was the love of a good Muppet, Janice, that helped him kick his heroin addiction. (It's a touching, inspirational story told in her upcoming autobiography Do I Love You? Fer Sure.)

But then I read about another bank robber with a big nose and a wig ... from New York City! (As they say on the Pace condiment commercials, "New York City?!? Get a rope.")

This one is, apparently, a non-Muppet human named Samuel Manoharan:

The similarities are ... well, not exactly uncanny, considering you can't really see much in the security photos. But the similarities are at least plausible. Still, given that he was caught in August robbing banks in Manhattan and Brooklyn, Manoharan is probably in custody. Or is he?!? Maybe he skipped the $30,000 bail. Hell, for all I can tell from a quick Google search, and what I've learned from episodes of Law & Order, he could be on Mars by now. The Murray Police Department undoubtedly has better search tools. And better training videos.

At any rate, if the authorities do apprehend the suspect as a result of this information, it was my pleasure. No need to thank me. Part of my job, etc. On the other hand, if the bank recovers its losses, it might consider some sort of thoughtful gesture. Just sayin'. I've always thought those promotional toaster ovens looked nice.

(Brandon Burt)

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