Esprit de Corpse

[Religion] It seems some weird goings-on in Vatican City may result in the exhumation and reburial of Cardinal John Henry Newman's corpse--because the soon-to-be-canonized British cardinal was buried, in accordance with his last wishes, with a priest who was probably his boyfriend.

Now, I'm the first to admit that I don't understand the arcane workings of the Roman Catholic Church. I admire its wonderful use of ritual symbolism: That thing with the black vs. white smoke while the College of Cardinals is selecting a new Pope? Awesome!

I also understand that there are a series of steps on the road to sainthood: veneration, beatification, canonization ... and I may have left something out. The Catholics don't just make a saint out of thin air. The candidate saint is thoroughly vetted, and there has to be substantiation of at least one miracle.

What I don't get is the Vatican's determination to obliterate all evidence that Newman really, really loved a dude, especially since the dude in question was a celibate Catholic priest, so there's no question of any hot, sweaty, man-on-man action. But it was Newman's dying wish to be buried with Fr. Ambrose St. John, the man with whom he shared a house for many years.

Maybe the Holy See has simply recognized an opportunity: Anglicans are on the verge of a schism over the ordination of gay clergy. The Pope could take advantage of the situation and energize British Catholics by canonizing an ex-Anglican Englishman--possibly even making a few homophobic converts in the deal. If only the ex-Anglican Englishman in question weren't so gay! Guess it's time to dig up the bodies.

As a commie-homo-pagan, I'm happy to note that the Catholics I've met have been almost all welcoming and agreeable--hell, in Salt Lake City, Catholics are practically a counterculture--so I don't figure that Ratzinger's exploits have much to do with the body of the American church.

Still--don't homophobic exhumations seem a little--well, heathen?

(Brandon Burt)