DNC Hillary Night: Crushing Unity!

[Democratic National Convention] Last night Democrats delivered on Unity…in the party.

In a display of deft politics the Democrats united through spite, against McCain. They were whole once again as speaker after speaker lined up to pound on McCain. Governors, senators and representatives tapped in and out to pummel the presumptive Republican candidate up until Hillary herself made the stage. By the time Hillary entered the ring the straw man effigy of McCain was dazed and stunned after some six hours of punishment. Throughout the madness of the crowd it was almost as if the voice of Mortal Kombat’s Shang Tsung pronounced from on high: “Finish him!”

But before that moment you have to appreciate the blows that rained down upon McCain. Really these blogs are long enough and there would be just no way to repeat all the put-downs. Needless to say, McCain was getting be-bopped and scatted on so many times the whole affair was beginning to resemble a furious barrage of political yo-mama jokes.

“They say the George Bush came into office on third base [after the Clinton years]. Well if that’s the case he then stole 2nd, and McCain cheered him on every step of the way.” –Ohio Governor, Ted Strickland.

Oh snap!

“Well being from Kansas we’re familiar with the term there’s no place like home. But John McCain’s version seems to be ‘there’s no place like home or home or home or home…”-- Kathleen Sebelius, Kansas Governor.

Oh no she didn’t!

“McCain says he’s a maverick. But when you vote 95 percent with Bush this year, that’s not being a maverick, that’s called being a sidekick.”-- Sen. Robert Casey Jr., P.A.

Daaamn!

“No way, no how, no McCain,” Clinton said warming her up speech. Moving in a way that was both grateful and sympathetic to her supporters, the party and Obama. Clinton graciously recalled meeting young veterans, a mother without health insurance battling cancer, the pleas of a family one paycheck away from poverty. Invoking these figures Hillary spoke directly to her loyal soldiers.

“Were you in this campaign just for me or were you in it for the young Marine and others like him? Or the mom struggling with cancer? Or that young boy and his mother surviving on minimum wage? Or for all the people in this country who feel invisible?” Clinton asked in complete sincerity and authority.

The Democrats clearly have taken to a classic good cop/ bad cop routine to win over the public and especially disenchanted Clinton voters. On the one hand, distanced from the punchier attacks, Obama will appeal to unity among Americans, highlighting “post-partisan” working class values. On the other, Clinton and others will beseech their wayward party members through an unrelenting attack on the McCain camp as the greater evil to a not-Clinton presidency.

And so after historical comparisons to the women’s suffrage movement Clinton called upon supporters to recognize the historical import of the present.

“Think about your children and grandchildren come Election Day,” Clinton said. “We’ve got to ensure the choice we make this election honors the sacrifices of those who came before us.”

With a speech punctuated by yells of ‘We love you!’ and roaring applause, Clinton beckoned with open arms her followers back into the fold and with a kick to the gut of the McCain campaign.

“It makes sense that George Bush and John McCain will be together next week in the Twin Cities, because these days they’re awfully hard to tell apart,” Hillary said, pulling the head and spine from the metaphorical McCain, to a standing ovation. (Eric S. Peterson)