- Choo vill bake schnickerdoodles, und choo vill like it!
- I don't drive on state roads because that would be immoral. Who am I to demand my neighbor pay for a road I'm driving on? I'm building my own freeway, and then I'm going to guard it with a shotgun. It's the moral thing to do.
- As a leading cause of sleeplessness, caffeine should be banned.
- Politicians don’t always tell the truth. Also, they seem to have a lot of money.
- Stop the lies about the Knights Templar!
- Think of all the money we’d save by giving 9th graders high-school diplomas!