Friday Letters Round-Up

• Hey, lady, would you please get your boobs outta here? They've paralyzed my blink muscles and my eyeballs are gettin' tired.
  
  
• What, you think I'm a hypocrite because I drink 128 ounces of Diet Coke per day? Beer kills, my sinful friend.
  
  
• Mormons are picked on.
  
  
• If you were wondering why Nevada only has one seat in the U.S. Senate, it's because the LDS Church has appropriated the other one.
  
  
• One Danielle Steel repository is no longer sufficient for our needs.
  
  
• Mom says if vouchers pass, I can go to a school where the boys are cuter.
  
  
• Also, Barry Goldwater, James Baker and Edwin Meese once came over to my house and they all said they just loved vouchers.
  
  
• Are you following this? Here, let me help you visualize it with 30 stacks of Oreos. It also helps if you disregard the way school funding is allocated in real life.
  

(Brandon Burt)