Eyeballs in a Baggie

[Homeland Obscurity] Remember, those eyeballs in a baggie that Tom Cruise schlepped around in Minority Report?

Well, now, if you have a pair of pre-screened eyeballs, plus an annual fee of $100 (and a $28 TSA "vetting" fee), you, too, can move quickly through airport security, thanks to Clear® Fast Pass Lane.

“We’re delighted that the Salt Lake City Airport has become one of the first airports in the West to offer this revolutionary service for travelers,” said Lane Beattie, president and CEO of the Salt Lake chamber, in a press release sounding like freaky science fiction come to life.

Sad, sad, sad it has come to this—citizens willing to provide fingerprints and/or iris patterns (along with personal background information) to agents of the government in order to zip through the airport ... all in the name of convenience. Before long, screenings will probably become mandatory; no one will raise an "eye" brow simply because they'll be so used to it by then.

And of course, "Clear" (what a name!) will be there to cash in on it.

All I can say is: Keep an extra set of eyeballs in the freezer for those occasional "lost" weekends. (Jerre Wroble)