News Flash from The Mormon Times!

[Media] Oh how I treasure knowing that the D-News has shed light on what's going on with that mysterious segment of Utah's population, known as "the Mormons." You may have thought the D-News' LDS news line column, Religion and Ethics column or...the rest of it's paper, was covering the latest coming off the Latter-day wire, well you were wrong.

The latest breaking news The Mormon Times tells us is a list the Church is presenting on LDS vocabulary they are officially retiring. Some of these quaint terms were quite apropos during the nifty fifties but apparently don't have a place any longer in the modern church vocab.

Just for fun I'll list some of the obsolete terms and you try and guess why the church is reluctant to be using them anymore (just for help I will provide some italicized hints).

Deseret Sunday School Union: the original name of the church's Sunday school program.

(The last man to organize a Sunday school union strike against the church disappeared Jimmy Hoffa-style... into outer darkness)

Rainbows: a name for primary age girls. (Damn hippie children ruined that one for the LDS kids)

Gaynotes: original name for girls in the Liahona or "little homemaker" program. (insert own joke here)

M-Men and Gleaners: young men and young women's departments in the church's 1921 MIA program. (I swear I saw an ad for M-Men and Gleaners somewhere in the back of one of the City Weekly classifieds around here somewhere...) (Eric S. Peterson)