SOBs in the News

[Kinky] Now that Blue Boutique has begun threatening the morals of Sugar House by having the nerve to get forced out of its longtime digs by strip-mall developers and move three blocks east, we wonder what other Utah businesses (other than City Weekly) the morality police might start looking out for. How about AL Enterprises, which recently moved to Carbon Avenue in Price? The Internet retailer assembles "male chastity products." From its Website:

Is your husband or boyfriend cheating on you? Has he done so in the past and you find it difficult to once again get that level of trust back? Has your relationship lost the spark, passion and commitment that you had in the beginning?

The answer, according to AL Enterprises, is to encase that dude's junk in a locking Plexiglas tube--to which you have the only key!

The first thing this would accomplish is to take away his ability to take matter [sic] into his own hands through masturbation. He can no longer touch his penis. His outlook on your relationship will take on a whole new meaning!

I don't doubt that. Anyone did that to me, my outlook on the relationship would change dramatically.

Instructions for the physical process of encasement are available; how you're going to convince him to submit to it, though, is anybody's guess. In my family's religion, we were taught merely that tying our wrists to our bedposts would save us from nocturnal temptation. Isn't technology wonderful?

Unfortunately, some folks in Price don't cotton to the whole idea. Benson Manwaring, AL Enterprises' manager, recently was nearly run down by a white SUV.

It's unclear whether the person behind the wheel was a member of the morality police thinking the device looked too much like fun, a ne'er-do-well boyfriend who didn't want his girlfriend getting ideas into her head, or even the victim in this kind of strangely sub-dom relationship. (Brandon Burt)

Pissin' Off Vampires

[TV] This week's True TV column (which is currently ranked as SLWeekly.com's most-read story, proof of a very slow week) poked a bit of fun at CBS' vampire drama Moonlight--bad idea, since vampires and the people who love 'em have rarely have a sense of humor. These comments materialized last week:

This is honestly one of the first reviews of Moonlight I've seen that is negative. As the previous poster observed you obviously don't understand the motive of the show. unlike many other supernatural series Moonlight does not take itself too seriously, which is the entire point. The producers are striving for campy fun entertainment TV. Before you review something so harshly maybe take a step back and attempt to realize what the producers and writers are trying to achieve and the nature of your hypercritical measuring stick may evolve. It is sad to see TV critics take themselves too seriously and consequently miss the entire goal of a show. --Theo

First negative review? I'm about a month behind everyone else with my negative review! And then ...

I'm writing as a viewer who watches no other show on Friday night EXCEPT for Moonlight ! Yes I turn my TV on just to watch it.. and I have the thought that you will be hearing from alot of other Moonlight fans. I'm sorry that you obviously don't "get" the show.. but alot of us do. The show itself has improved with every episode. There have been many of your fellow "critics" (You know you can be a critic and say "positive" things about shows) .. who wrote negative reviews of Moonlight when it first premiered.. but have actually changed their minds ..and a few are addicted as well. You are missing out on a great hour of entertainment.. Your loss! --MaryP

Actually, I'm not--the point was that I'm watching Moonlight despite my better judgement and sobriety. It's still a fucking ridiculous show, but I'm addicted now too. So bite me ... I should really rephrase that ... alot. (Bill Frost)

Confessions of a Push Poller

[Politics] Some news has recently come out about an opinion research firm in Utah called Western Wats which has alleged to conducted push polling meant to change peoples minds about Mitt Romney. Now not saying I care for Romney much at all, but I do think it's deliciously ironic that a firm that would capitalize on defaming Romney operates right from the heart of The U.C. (Utah County), Romney country.

Now push polling if you dont know, means fake surveys that essentially spread rumors and false statements about a candidate to change public opinion, all while under the guise of being official survey research.

Now the thing is Western Wats may not exactly be spreading false statements about Romney, that may not technically be push polling, but chances are the surveys they are conducting are meant to take Mitt down a peg.

What would make me say this? Well I'm ashamed to admit it, but I used to work at the Western Wats in Spanish Fork while I was getting my associates at UVSC. Now it's very possible things have changed but I can say with some certainty that I used to get paid to do something like unto push polling if not exactly that.

We used to have to conduct surveys for example that were hired by Pharmaceutical companies where we would conduct "research" on peoples opinions about buying medication in Canada. We would ask their opinion on buying cheap meds over the border, and then we would list them negative facts about the "dangers" of Canadian meds and then ask them to rate their opinion on them again, and then we would list more dangers, and then rate their opinion again and again ad nauseum.

Essentially we were contracted to do aggressive research. Research that was meant not to gather unbiased opinion, but to change opinion. And I would tell every person I called that was exactly what was going on--only way I could conscienably do that job for six bucks an hour.

Now who knows for sure if they are doing that now, but one needs to remember that companies like Western Wats aren't think tanks that have researchers who write and craft official studies. No they contract out to hire poor college and high school kids to call and harass people at all hours of the day and night reading them surveys (written by their clients) with definite political agendas.

It was one of the reason I quit, that, and my "supervisor" hadn't hit puberty yet, and that made it hard for me to accept the authority of him not letting me read while I conducted my bullshit research. (Eric Peterson)

Only Mormon Minds Need Apply

[Media] You may recall a Salt Blog post regarding lobbyist/state GOP chairman/cum Deseret Morning News publisher Joe Cannon's announcement earlier this month about new niche publications that would target a whole new audience: Mormon readers!

Well, the work has begun. A concerned staff member of the Deseret Morning News just sent CW this e-mail about a couple of new openings to be filled soon at God's Newspaper. Here is the e-mail, forwarded by the staffer:

Soon there will be two open positions for writers and/or editors in a yet-to-be-named department working on yet-to-be-named new sections of the newspaper that will emphasize news and features of LDS interest. We're looking for people who have demonstrated strong news writing, reporting and/or editing abilities. Applicants must be familiar with LDS faith and culture, and able to produce content that will be of interest to a growing readership in print and online. The niche for these new sections will be: less "official" than the LDS Church News, more feature-oriented than City Desk's breaking-news coverage of the LDS Church and related events, and more LDS-specific than the weekly Religion/Ethics section. Employees of the new department also might participate in production of the Church News section. We'll be looking both inside and outside the Deseret Morning News to fill these slots. If you are interested, or know someone who might be, contact David Schneider, daves@desnews.com or 237-2158.

The source, who fears reprisal if named, points out: "Many non-LDS employees [of the DMN] are of course worried that a targeted emphasis on the LDS Church/LDS culture will make it even more difficult -- and it is plenty hard already -- to convince sources that we're fair and objective." (Holly Mullen)

Free Brubeck Bros. Tickets

[Music] The first 10 people to comment on this blog with their name (first and last for verification upon pickup) will score themselves a pair of tickets to Saturday night's Brubeck Bros. concert at the SLCC Grand Theatre. The write-up appearing in the upcoming Nov. 29 City Weekly:

THE BRUBECK BROTHERS Last week, we profiled the King Khan & BBQ Show. This week, we turn our attention to a completely different type of BBQ—the Brubeck Brothers Quartet. For those outside the contemporary jazz loop, multi-instrumentalist Chris Brubeck and his drummer/percussionist brother Dan honed their chops with great expectations. Father Dave Brubeck is a jazz giant (“Take Five” anyone?) whose work reverberates among even clueless cocktail party-goers who can't make heads or tails of Davis vs. Coltrane. Well, BBQ fills pop's shoes just fine, cranking out their own inspired jams with seemingly effortless zeal. Did we mention they throw in elements of funk, rock, classic blues and reggae? Now that's finger-licking good. Saturday, Dec. 1 @ SLCC Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, 7:30 p.m. All-ages. Tickets: 957-3322

Ten free pairs of tickets are waiting; just leave your full name and viable e-mail address in a comment below. The first 10 be contacted to pick up the tickets at the City Weekly offices (248 S. Main) before Saturday. (Bill Frost)

Friday Letters Round-Up

• Writers' Guild? Ha! More like Pornographers' Guild!

• My dental hygienist doesn't believe in global warming, and she's kind of a scientist.

• I, too, am outraged on behalf of Marie Osmond.

• You're just jealous because I'm more biblical than you.

• Everybody wrote this letter.

• We're shopping for world peace.

Happy Consumerpalooza!

[Shop, Drop] Today officially is "Black Friday" which while it sounds like the name of some third world labor riot put down violently is actually one of our greatest consumer culture holidays. It marks the time we need to start madly buying peoples love with lead covered toys and ever shrinking iaccessories.

And while I could take this opportunity to really go on a commie rant about how Christmas has become a totally artificial consumer holiday, completely divorced of any Christ-like notions of thrift, good will and service--I ain't gonna do it. Least not in this blog (stay tuned).

I happen to accept Xmas as the capitalist spending orgy that it is. sure you spend alot but I don't think all the conspicuous consumption negates all the giving, cheer, snowflake sweaters, hot beverages and all the rest of the fine Rockwellian bucolic splendor.

Apparently ol' Morgan Spurlock is doing another documentary apparently following some fairly ridiculous anti-shopping mock-church as they rail against consumerism. Which is fine.

But all I'm saying is that boycotting consumerism doesn't mean you have to whittle your family crappy wooden boats, or knit them tea cozys. Just think about patronizing small and local business first, before you get sucked into the gravitational pull of the first giant MegaLoMart you see off of I-15

Whereas Black Friday is a time for big retail chains to double their bajillion dollar holdings, it is also a time where many small local businesses have to pay the bills just to keep in business another year. Besides, you might have to look a little harder to find the small places, but theres not gonna be nearly the same shopping carnage. (Eric S. Peterson)

Serious Indigestion

[Annals of Medicine] And you thought you were full after yesterday's T-giving feast. Take this! (Holly Mullen)

Stop the Rubber Penises!

[NIMBY] So, some Sugar House neighborhood residents are now up in arms about the imminent move of Blue Boutique from its 20-year-old location in the Sugar House business district to a spot at 2100 South and 1400 East.

They're saying they had no knowledge of the move, didn't hear or read about it until it became too late to prevent the lingerie/accessory/piercing/adult toy business from opening across from Sugarhouse Park and three blocks from Highland High School.

If only they had read this story in City Weekly. Staff writer Ted McDonough covered the bases a whole month ago in this "where are they now" story about mom and pop businesses displaced by Mr. Scrooge developer Craig Mecham. Mecham, you'll recall, is turning the old Granite Block at 1100 East and 2100 South into condos and ugly stores that lack character.

The angry hordes also could have checked, when they first saw the big building going up on that site last summer, with Salt Lake City government. It's all public information, people. Now you're just going to have to put up with rampant rubber penises, I guess. (Holly Mullen)

Ix-Nay on Black Friday

[Mainstream Media] Several times a year, another reason why it made sense to leave daily newspapers for a job with the alternative press hits me upside the head. Example: The day after Thanksgiving.

This day has all but become a national holiday for most Americans. So among the mainstream media, there is little more to cover than the craziness of BLACK FRIDAY.

Every year, reporters assigned to this story try to find a new and interesting way to pump up America's need for greed. And every year they write the same old story. Door crashing, shopper-on-shopper violence while standing in line, hot-or-not toys. Blah, blah, blah. Why, just all on my own over the years I'm sure I've covered every possible angle on this non-story. How great would it be if every daily newspaper editor and TV news producer stuck it to the man and just said no to any coverage of Black Friday? I mean, you can't be part of the solution if you remain a major part of the problem. (Holly Mullen)

This is Wacked

[X-cycling] A press release pitching this mountain bike transformation kit came my way this morning.

Hmm. I love bicycling. I love back country skiing. But I kind of hope I don't run into one of those obsessed X Games types spinning around on one of these things this winter when I'm skiing a sweet little area in Big Cottonwood Canyon we like to call Mary Lee's Trees. Because I will want to hit him or her with something. Maybe my ski.

It's like this: Mountain biking all summer and fall. Skiing all winter and spring. Can we not just leave some sports pure and made-as-god-intended, without going all extreme and bat-shit crazy with after-market tinkering? A bike is a bike. Skis are skis. Got it?

If anyone out there has actually used one of these contraptions, let me know. What's the attraction? I can't imagine you converting me, but I never say never... (Holly Mullen)

SLAMMYs: Part Deux

[Local Music] Yesterday I was feeling all down and all sorry for myself like a whiny little baby. Today I woke up to the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on TV and while I'm typically not into shopping-mall sponsored holiday events, the spectacle struck a nerve. I realized that nothing (especially one City Weekly issue) is worth getting worked up about, at least not to the extent that it puts me in a blue mood for the rest of the evening.

Today, and hopefully from here on out, I'm going to focus on what I'm thankful for, including the chance to write about music for a living and to constantly be exposed to great local talent. Here's to a great SLAMMYs experience.

Accentuate the positive, right?

Happy Turkey/Tofurkey Day everyone! (Jamie Gadette)

Where for Art Thou, Juliette?

[Music] Maybe someday, we'll get Juliette Lewis and her band The Licks to play a proper Salt Lake City show--maybe. Months ago, she was scheduled to open for Chris Cornell at The Depot, so we of course had to talk to her. Cornell then cancelled, leaving us with only Juliette ink.

The Licks returned later in the summer--but to Orem, opening for (of all bands) Muse. Juliette Lewis in Utah County ... the mind wobbles.

Tonight, Juliette & The Licks are back in the U-T-A-H again--this time, at Park City's Suede. PC is where I became a Licks convert a couple of years ago, witnessing the band rip through a hot set at Harry O's during the Sundance Film Festival. The crowd didn't give a shit; they were just there to be seen, which annoyed headliners Kings of Leon to no end. Lewis was unfazed. She's used to Sundance dickheads.

Here's a live clip of The Licks playing "Hot Kiss" from the new Four on the Floor album--not all actors attempting rock & roll are posers; Lewis is the real deal:



(Bill Frost)

Here We Go Again

[Local Music] Each year we try to do something to honor local bands, and each year we receive a litany of complaints. Oh wait. We don't receive complaints, people just complain behind our backs. We still love them. But damn, love hurts. (Jamie Gadette)

Utah Diversity: Mormons from Around the World

[Demographics] "Worldly" has always been a funny term for utah. In many ways you couldn't have a more culturally isolated and sheltered place, and then on the other hand you could drive to some small town like Paragonah and probably find half the town speaks a second language (at least the males who went on LDS missions that is).

It seems Utah really is a diverse place through an LDS lens, but could all that be changing? An ominous news story covered in the dailies recently showed Mormons making up a historic low in Utah's population--only 60 percent.

Which comparatively speaking is still quite the stranglehold for any one religious demographic for an entire state. Yet what is interesting is that Utah is sssllooowly making a move towards greater diversity, but the only question is whether or not the shape of diversity in utah to come will be outside the church's influence or just another manifestation of it?

Many things seem to point to an all together cosmopolitan outlook. On the economic front we've never had a Governor more active in introducing Utah business directly to foreign powerhouses like India and China. Politically the University of Utah is garnering people active in Intl. politics, and not just academically speaking.

Like the U's recent law school hire Chibli Mallat who is currently running for president of Lebanon, while also teaching about Middle Eastern law, quite impressive and worth checking out here

Beyond that our wise city planners and masterminds of the Downtown Rising project are hoping to create a "Utah World Trade Center" which would actually consolidate all of the scattered international business and nonprofit interests in the state, as well as a university partnered conflict resolution and peace studies center, all into a sleek downtown building that kind of looks like Al Pacino's casino in Ocean's 13.

So the future looks bright and diverse, but when all is said and done it will be hard to say whether or not it will be truly cosmopolitan or just an evolved Mormon mecca as it is today. Not until we get there at least. (Eric S. Peterson)

Where is My Favorite Restaurant?

[MIA] My favorite restaurant has vanished and I'm upset.

Lemon Grass Thai Cuisine, on 200 South just above 400 West, had my favorite dish—a sea bass in a "special" spicy red sauce. M-m-m-m, sea bass. It was perfectly located in a cavernous building with old comfortable booths. The restaurant was there a couple of weeks ago. And now, not.

I am hoping the restaurant has moved, rather than closed for good. If anyone knows what has become of Lemon Grass, please let me know. (Ted McDonough)

This Week's Boring Political Announcement

[Politics] Utah lawyers attending last weekend's continuing legal education seminar at the Salt Palace were treated to a lunch talk from Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. (From the governor’s point of view the visit was a perfect gig. Thousands of lawyers—annually among the biggest givers to political campaigns—trapped in a room while they earn “hours” of “education” required to keep their licenses.)

Huntsman outlined his priorities—hiking schoolteacher pay, improving air quality and expanding availability of health insurance. Then, the governor acknowledged that he would need more than his current term to make real headway on that list.

Junior plans to run for a second term. No real surprise there. And we will have to see if the decision sticks when he is offered the veep spot on a McCain ticket. (Ted McDonough)

What's Up, Docs?

[Film] Every year, people ask me to predict the Academy Awards. And every year I resist, because I want nothing to do with furthering the legitimacy of this gold-statuette-dispensing gaggle of clown-shoes.

The latest example of the Motion Picture Academy's mind-boggling lack of artistic vision comes with this week's announcement of the 15 "short-listed" finalists for the Documentary Feature category. Since you may know little about the specific titles listed, let me offer some helpful Harper's Index-style statistics:

* Percent of finalists that are in some way about America's Middle East adventure: 26.6%
* Percentage of finalists that are in some way about war: 53.3%
* Percentage of finalists that are about a clearly and obviously "important issue" like slave labor, Chinese democracy, health care, abortion, etc.: 100%

So forget a shot for the year's most interesting and stylistically innovative documentaries: Manda Bala (Send a Bullet), Manufactured Landscapes, The King of Kong, My Kid Could Paint That, Protagonist. Always desperately concerned about putting on its serious face, the Academy ignores anything that doesn't come with Cliff's Notes thesis statements. Remember: These are the awards given by an industry to itself. Trust them accordingly. (Scott Renshaw)

AmeriMexiCanada

[U.S. in Peril] According to some guy who wrote a book, the North American Union (the United States, Mexico and Canada merged into a single nation Euro-style) is but a few years away. Apart from the obvious upside of gaining access to Canada's natural resources of water, oil and beer, what's the big deal? It's the slippery slope to ... a New World Order!

"Everything is in place," says author Daniel Estulin, a former Canuck. "Europe is now one country, one currency and one constitution. North America is about to become one. The African Union has had its working model going for over a decade. Asia is openly discussing the near-future Asian Union, being sold to us as an economic inevitability beneficial to all its citizens."

If this still sounds good (or at least convenient) to you flaming liberals, know this: Your local neighborhood skate/snowboard shop is agin it! Seems like an odd fit, but Salty Peaks Skate & Snowboard Shop is actively advertising StopTheNorthAmericanUnion.com, a website created by another hyper-motivated author to, well, stop the North American Union.

Snowboarders and skate rats united against the evil tyranny of The Man? Wasn't that Hot Dog: The Movie? Everything turned out fine there. (Bill Frost)

Reach Up. Step Touch It. That's It. Reach High.

[Balls] Our mighty operations manager recently hooked us up with large inflatable balls (*snicker*) to replace our rigid office chairs. It took some getting used to, but I'm quickly becoming a ball convert. Seriously. My abs are rock hard. I'm thinking of starting a Wednesday ball aerobics class in the conference room. Something like this:



Yee-Haw! You're looking so good!

(Jamie Gadette)