What I Did on My Xmas Va-ca

[Lost Weekend] We actually got a couple of days off here at City Weekly for Xmas--of course, we had to pile in twice as much work ahead of time and we're now behind for next week, but who's complaining? Never mind. Here's how I spent my holly-jolly weekend:

Friday: Early evening, I went to SLUG's Death By Salt III album release (vinyl + digital download, both extremes covered). It was freezing outside, but Eagle Twin just sounds better from a distance. Then came Terrence DH's latest power trio, Danger Hailstorm, with some vintage '90s power rawk--vintage, as in technically competent. Then some homeless kids grabbed instruments and began bashing away like Ritalin-deprived monkeys ... oh, there were a featured band? Anyway ...

Then it was off to the debut of the Voodoo Darlings Burlesque troupe at the Wood Shed. The joint was jammed wall-to-wall, most maybe expecting a more sexed-up show than what they got: a somewhat musical-theater-y version of a burlesque show, with dancing and singing from a small group of women backed by a live band. More subtle and artsy than SLC's best-known troupe, the Slippery Kittens, but just as entertaining--and different enough to stave off any territorial catfights. Yeah, sorry.

Saturday: Plan-B Theatre Company's well-marketed Gutenberg! The Musical! is as funny as you've heard--and intimate. They don't stress that it's in Rose Wagner's Black Box Theatre, which is just as well: walking into the small dark room puts your senses off just enough to take in a musical about the inventor of the printing press, performed by just two men and several dozen character-defining ballcaps. I stared at two caps, "Rats" and "Feces," all night wondering how the hell are those coming into play? They did, and quite musically. See Gutenberg! before it ends this weekend, trust me.

Sunday: Wrapping presents and drinking. Multitasking.

Monday: Drinking, admiring wrapped presents, watching Bad Santa on a loop.

Tuesday: Xmas brunch and playing Wii Bowling, followed by Wii Snowboarding. I'd rather bowl for real, but did appreciate staying out of actual snow.

Then it was off to the Regency Theater for the opening day of Juno, the new indie "it" comedy of the season. It lives up to the hype and then some, but the Regency didn't seem to be expecting actual patrons on Xmas; maybe one employee runs back and forth between the concessions and the projector, couldn't tell. Go see Juno, though--don't waste your money on shit about zombies and chipmunks (if only they could combine the two ...). (Bill Frost)

The Other May Tag ...

[Rocky Watch] The holidays remain in effect until after New Year's ... so, at the risk of contributing to the general Christmas hangover, I wanted to share an e-card sent by a friend of mine over the long weekend. Photoshop job? Cocktail party gone bad? True love? You be the judge. (Brandon Burt)

Puttin' the X in Xmas

[Deadlines & Deadbeats] So we've been slacking on the blog this week--are you going to tell us that you've actually been productive around your office? Didn't think so.

We City Weekly folk are far too busy eating, drinking and slapping together two issues around ridiculous deadlines, so this the last you're going to get from us today. Merry Xmas, everybody!

So much for the sentiment below, huh? (Bill Frost)

Wreck the Halls

[Xmas] Morning radio jock vids are usually, well, crap, but this from NYC's Scott & Todd borders on idiot genius. Unless Amy Winehouse turns up dead over the weekend. Then, not so much ...



(Bill Frost)

No Sleigh for You

[Santa Action] What is the Christmas season all about? Why, two things, of course: 1. Santa Claus, and 2. getting stuff for free.

The Canyons resort combines those two elements on Saturday, Dec. 15 for its "Santas Ski Free" day. Be one of the first 50 people to arrive at The Canyons between 8 and 9 a.m. dressed in full Santa regalia--not just a beard and hat, slackers--and you'll get to ski for free on all this wonderful fresh powder. It's like a Christmas miracle! (Scott Renshaw)

Tis the Season to Make Your Pets Wear Ridiculous Sweaters

[Xmas] Having recently spotted a couple of sweater-sporting dogs, I was hit by a quick flash of shame and embarrasment. Embarrasment mostly for the dogs. It seems only that tiny dogs happen to wear sweaters which must be so awful for them. Tiny dogs already have enough security issues as it is, but add a sweater to that? Just check out the look of dread and repugnance on the face of the little fella pictured here.

But in the interest of fairness, I do have to admit that pet economics happen to put some small hairless little dogs for sale in a climate such as ours that they were not meant for. Personally I don't understand the appeal of hairless animals like those bald cats--good god those are frightening, all skin and evil ... but take chihuahua's for example. Loveable, I suppose but not meant for these rocky mountain environs.

Interestingly enough the strong Mormon knitting culture has recognized this and has made it easy to fashionably clothe your pets. Check out this Utah Made gift for all you lazy knitters to buy, or for the more ambitious heres a fine blog tutorial on knitting your Mormon convert chihuahua a nice sweater for church.

I still believe pets on clothes are awful, but not as bad as letting your dog go cold this winter. (Eric S. Peterson)

Oh, the Gays!

[Xmas] Is there anything they won't appropriate? I'm not sure if this thing featuring Santa as a leather daddy is a real cartoon, a one-off Christmas card, or something else entirely. But I like it.

I came across it Googling "kilt" and "Santa"--yes, it was work related--and it turned into one of those searches that proves anything can be a fetish.

Gays do tend to divide themselves into different personality archetypes, represented here by the elves. I think there are more than seven gay archtypes, though. Since there's not one called "Geeky," I think I'm probably most like the elf called "Butchy" because he's got facial hair--although some days "Bitchy" is more like it.

Which elf do you most identify with? (Brandon Burt)

Happy Consumerpalooza!

[Shop, Drop] Today officially is "Black Friday" which while it sounds like the name of some third world labor riot put down violently is actually one of our greatest consumer culture holidays. It marks the time we need to start madly buying peoples love with lead covered toys and ever shrinking iaccessories.

And while I could take this opportunity to really go on a commie rant about how Christmas has become a totally artificial consumer holiday, completely divorced of any Christ-like notions of thrift, good will and service--I ain't gonna do it. Least not in this blog (stay tuned).

I happen to accept Xmas as the capitalist spending orgy that it is. sure you spend alot but I don't think all the conspicuous consumption negates all the giving, cheer, snowflake sweaters, hot beverages and all the rest of the fine Rockwellian bucolic splendor.

Apparently ol' Morgan Spurlock is doing another documentary apparently following some fairly ridiculous anti-shopping mock-church as they rail against consumerism. Which is fine.

But all I'm saying is that boycotting consumerism doesn't mean you have to whittle your family crappy wooden boats, or knit them tea cozys. Just think about patronizing small and local business first, before you get sucked into the gravitational pull of the first giant MegaLoMart you see off of I-15

Whereas Black Friday is a time for big retail chains to double their bajillion dollar holdings, it is also a time where many small local businesses have to pay the bills just to keep in business another year. Besides, you might have to look a little harder to find the small places, but theres not gonna be nearly the same shopping carnage. (Eric S. Peterson)