Survivor: V-Necks Ahoy

[Locals on Reality TV] Survivor: Toncantins premiered on CBS last night, and guess what? The Utah guy isn't the most annoying contestant! (That would be "Coach.") Lindon's Tyson Apostol does, however, have a penchant for V-neck shirts which is either 1. a clever ruse to hide his true he-man abilities, or 2. just plain disturbing. Meet Tyson:





(Bill Frost)

Real World Brooklyn: Chet's Got Game

[Locals on Reality TV] What's happening on The Real World: Brooklyn? It's so damned boring, it's not even worth recapping--sad news for the originator of all "reality houses." But at least MTV.com's Real World Dailies are somewhat entertaining: Here's Salt Lake City's own be-faux-hawked Chet telling us that he'll talk to any girl, even if she's not pretty (dude!), and professing his undying like for Alex (whom I believe is a girl ... right?).


(Bill Frost)

FUBAR vs. LDS

[TV] In last night's Christmas-party episode of The Office, Michael makes Meredith a series a brain-erasing drinks, then stages an intervention because she's a flaming (literally) drunk. One of the test questions Michael reads to Meredith from a downloaded pamphlet is, "Have you ever, under the influence of alcohol, questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?" Ah, memories ...

Intervention at about 8:30 mins into the episode:



(Bill Frost)

Heard About This Digital TV-Switchover Thing?

[Media] Tired of being beaten over the head about the digital-TV conversion coming in February 2009? Too bad ...



(Bill Frost)

Polygs & Order

[TV] Tonight, on Law & Order [doink-doink!] ...

"Detectives Cyrus Lupo (Jeremy Sisto) and Kevin Bernard (Anthony Anderson) investigate a 17-year-old boy's murder, uncovering much bigger secrets: A teenage boy Luke Friendly (Guest Star Tolan Aman), banished from a polygamist sect finds himself alone in New York City when his older brother, Caleb Friendly (Guest Star Colton Parsons) disappears and is then found brutally murdered. The case leads Lieutenant Anita Van Buren (S. Epatha Merkerson) and Detectives Lupo (Jeremy Sisto) and Bernard (Anthony Anderson) to the church’s controversial leader, Landon Wyatt (Guest Star Colm Meaney), who is in pursuit of his teenage runaway wife, Michelle Landon (Guest Star Jenna Malone). While Detectives investigate further, they discover a romantic relationship between Michelle Landon and the victim. Executive Assistant D.A. Michael Cutter (Linus Roache) and Assistant D.A. Connie Rubirosa (Alana De La Garza) must fight to defend Michelle’s wishes to remain free from her husband and also bring to justice Caleb’s murderer." (NBC)

At least it's not set in Utah, right? Never mind that "child bride" Jenna Malone (pictured above, pink sweater) has also appeared on ... HBO's Big Love ... (Bill Frost)

Last night on Sci-Fi

[Compubabble] I was watching an episode of the 1980s/'90s version of The Outer Limits last night--which was often quite good, I think. Unfortunately, last night's was not one of the better episodes, except for the fact that it was a goldmine of fake compubabble, which is always entertaining. (Also the fist-head woman in the opening credits is a personal favorite. I mean, a woman with a head that's a fist? She is the limit!)

At one point, the Evil Administrator decides to lock the Good Science Guy out of his laboratory so he won't be messing around with the "neural net" (which comprises some neon tubes enclosed in a Plexiglas cylinder). So of course, when GSG tries to use his key card, a disembodied female voice keeps saying, "Access denied." (I'm going to imagine that the source of this serenely imperious voice is fist-head woman, just because it's fun.)

GSG tells his girlfriend he has to "hack into the network and lay down a virus." Unfortunately, when he types his password in, the screen on his i386 machine lights up with big, red letters saying "Access denied."

There was nothing else he could do: He informs his girlfriend that he's going to "drop down to machine-code level." The next screen shot is of shed or hexedit or something; GSG types 8 characters, hits "Enter," and the happy green letters appear saying, "Access granted." (Obviously, no network is safe from "machine-code level!") Apparently, this was all that was needed to "lay down a virus," because now his key card works again, and he has unfettered access to the neural net glowing serenely on its chrome pedestal.

Later, Evil Administrator alerts the Burly Security Guard that there's something amiss. BSG knows what to do: he "drops down to machine-code level" and does a little o' that security-guard-style hex editing. BSG types in 8 characters; when he hits "enter," all the red lights in the building turn on and a klaxon alarm sounds, indicating he was able to do whatever it is you do to un-lay-down a virus. (Stand it up?)

I kept waiting for GSG to say he was going to "tighten up the graphics on level 3," but alas, he obviously wasn't Westwood-accredited:



(Brandon Burt)

TruTV vs. True TV

[Inside Baseball] What happens when the Turner Broadcasting-owned TruTV makes contact with City Weekly's own, less lawyered-up True TV for the first time since sorta-stealing the name? Find out here. It's not really all that earth-shattering; just a slow Friday afternoon. (Bill Frost)

15 Seconds of Basic Cable Fame

[TV] This screen capture (courtesy of Gavin's Underground) is from a currently running Comedy Central promo for Lewis Black's Root of All Evil, which I reviewed in City Weekly's March 6 issue. A couple of years ago, I had a review quote on Spike for The Ultimate Fighter. Someday, Satan willing ... TNT!

(Bill Frost)

Sexy Time With KSL

[TV] By now, you've heard of/actively ignored NBC's Lipstick Jungle, a new Thursday-night knockoff of Sex and the City about three powerful Manhattan career women who still find time to cry, yell at their kids and knock back a few martinis with each other while whining about men.

One of the women, Nico (a magazine editor; the other two work in film and fashion--are there any other jobs in Manhattan?), is having an adulterous affair with a hot young stud, so we're treated about one PG-rated sexcapade per week. Last night, Lipstick Jungle's final scene was a nice overhead of naked Nico getting boned by said naked stud, leading right into KSL News at 10.

Are Bruce and Nadine aware of their steamy lead-in? Is anyone at KSL even paying attention? Why exactly are they still not carrying NBC's Saturday Night Live? Most importantly, why was I watching Lipstick Jungle? (Bill Frost)

Hanoi Jane Strikes Again!

[TV] On this morning's Today Show on NBC, Jane Fonda (talking up her upcoming appearance in The Vagina Monologues) dropped that most heinous of vulgarities, the C-bomb (no, it's not Cheney). Oddly, Meredith Viera didn't even flinch. Of course, the Morally Outraged Pinheads are already calling for her head and the firebombing of NBC. Can we not at least take a moment to observe the probable first-ever utterance of "cunt" on national daytime TV? It's about history, people ...



(Bill Frost)

Things Are About To Get Real

[TV] MTV's The Real World will be holding an open casting call in Salt Lake City on Saturday, Feb. 9

This is good news if you're extremely homophobic, have a "bit of drinking problem," but "you're fine!", are sexually ambiguous, have daddy issues, love to party, have a girlfriend/boyfriend who you will most likely cheat on, and generally just have a whole lot of crazy waiting to be untapped.

“We look for characters from real life; people with strong personalities who are unafraid to speak their minds," says Real World executive producer Jonathan Murray.

In other words, people like this:



If you liked that clip, you might also enjoy Soup host Joel McHale's stand-up act. He'll be appearing at Wiseguys Comedy Cafe in Ogden, also on Feb. 9.

(Jamie Gadette)

And You Thought Her Dancing Was Depressing...

[TV] Word is out that Marie Osmond has danced her way into an upcoming, nationally syndicated day time talk show. She will be carving out a day time niche to help make the afternoons fun and uplifting-- good news for Prozac'd out Utah county housewives and the unemployed alike.

Rich Colbert, of Program Partners who signed Osmond is quoted in a recent article as picking Osmond because "she is divorced, a single Mom and suffered from post-partum depression, Colbert said Osmond is “the voice of American women today.”

But don't cancel the Zoloft prescription yet folks, the syndicated series Marie won't be starting until fall of 2009, but when it does, it's sure to be your daytime prescription for heartfelt, yet wholesomely zany girl-talk (with possible dancing!!) (Eric S. Peterson)

Meth: It's What's for Dinner

[TV] AMC's new original TV drama Breaking Bad could be the best show about a middle-aged meth dealer since, well, ever--and I'm not even going to make the all-too-easy Ogden joke here. If you missed Sunday's premiere (which City Weekly's Ted McDonough called "hilarious," and he ain't easy to get a laugh out of, trust me), AMC repeats it twice tonight; second episode to follow on Sunday. It's good, dark stuff--we know you like it that way.

As part of AMC's promotion, the website WaltsWisdom.com lets you send a personalized get-yr-shit-together video to a friend--it may not be life-changing, but it is the coolest widget trick I've seen in at least the last five minutes. An example:



(Bill Frost)

Thanks, KUTV

[TV] You and your cats were probably mighty pissed when "technical difficulties" cut off the end of CBS' Amazing Race last night--and if you were out and relying on your trusty TiVo, you're lucky if you got any of it due to Sunday afternoon football scheduling.

Fret not! KUTV 2 will be repeating the full Amazing Race episode Tuesday ... at 2:39 a.m. Good luck setting the DVR for that; it's 50-50 you'll end up with an Oprah repeat.

But really, the show hasn't been the same since the ridiculous goths (I know, redundant) got kicked off. (Bill Frost)

Pissin' Off Vampires

[TV] This week's True TV column (which is currently ranked as SLWeekly.com's most-read story, proof of a very slow week) poked a bit of fun at CBS' vampire drama Moonlight--bad idea, since vampires and the people who love 'em have rarely have a sense of humor. These comments materialized last week:

This is honestly one of the first reviews of Moonlight I've seen that is negative. As the previous poster observed you obviously don't understand the motive of the show. unlike many other supernatural series Moonlight does not take itself too seriously, which is the entire point. The producers are striving for campy fun entertainment TV. Before you review something so harshly maybe take a step back and attempt to realize what the producers and writers are trying to achieve and the nature of your hypercritical measuring stick may evolve. It is sad to see TV critics take themselves too seriously and consequently miss the entire goal of a show. --Theo

First negative review? I'm about a month behind everyone else with my negative review! And then ...

I'm writing as a viewer who watches no other show on Friday night EXCEPT for Moonlight ! Yes I turn my TV on just to watch it.. and I have the thought that you will be hearing from alot of other Moonlight fans. I'm sorry that you obviously don't "get" the show.. but alot of us do. The show itself has improved with every episode. There have been many of your fellow "critics" (You know you can be a critic and say "positive" things about shows) .. who wrote negative reviews of Moonlight when it first premiered.. but have actually changed their minds ..and a few are addicted as well. You are missing out on a great hour of entertainment.. Your loss! --MaryP

Actually, I'm not--the point was that I'm watching Moonlight despite my better judgement and sobriety. It's still a fucking ridiculous show, but I'm addicted now too. So bite me ... I should really rephrase that ... alot. (Bill Frost)

Amacher TV

[Illiteracy in Action] A Saturday post on local blog Voice of Utah (You can post on weekends? Hmm ...) highlighted a classified ad looking for investors for a Flip This House-style TV show. VU made astute points about Utah's housing market and the general unrealism of such "reality" shows, but was surprisingly merciful in not mentioning the wording of the ad:

Where to start? "Amachers"? "Fixing up housed"? "There journey"? Are these really the people you want handling your investment bucks? (Bill Frost)

Eh, Who Needs Writers Anyway

[Entertainment] Talks broke off last night between the Writers Guild of America and movie and television producers, meaning that the writers' contract has officially expired. A strike may be called as soon as Friday -- which doesn't mean much in the short term for film production, but could immediately shut down production of daily-deadline programming like late-night talk and comedy shows. The main sticking point in negotiations -- as it will likely be when the Directors' Guild contract also comes up soon -- is profit-sharing from DVDs, digital downloads and other newer media sources.

If the writers want to show that they're actually important, I hope at the very least that their picket signs are creative. (Scott Renshaw)

House vs. Mormons

[TV] In case you missed it, everybody's favorite cranky/scruffy doctor House (Fox, Tuesdays) has welcomed a Mormon onto his staff—OK, not exactly "welcomed." Dr. House has about as much tolerance for religious types as Bill Maher, who at least keeps his tirades to himself and his relatively small HBO audience (when he's not throwing them out of his studio). House is a top-rated network series, thus the Deseret Morning News springs into action today:

"Having a Mormon around, of course, offers House plenty of opportunities to be House. Not surprisingly, he is decidedly anti-religious in general. 'Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people,' he says in one episode. 'That's why they're religious people.' House calls Cole 'Big Love,' a reference to the TV series about polygamists—polygamists who are clearly identified as not being Mormon on that HBO show."

And if that's not an obvious enough statement, try this:

"At least for local viewers, House is a reminder that to a lot of people, someone being Mormon is still seen as an oddity ..."

Mitt Romney, who's reportedly been running for president for many months now, would likely concur. (Bill Frost)

Kill Your Television? Already done

[News] The erroneously-named Best Buy chain of electronics stores announced today that they will no longer sell old-fashioned analog televisions, in anticipation of the February 2009 switch to all-digital broadcasts and, really, just to fuck with grandparents who hate "those danged skinny" flat-screen TVs that the cat can't curl up on.

It's as simple as this: If your ancient TV isn't receiving its signal through a cable or satellite converter box (some of which are older than most current analog TVs, speaking from experience as a Comcast victim, uh, customer) come February 2009, it ain't going to work. Straight-cable and rabbit-ears folks, upgrade or miss out on future programming like America's Next Top Religion and Are You Smarter Than a Best Buy Employee? (both big hits in 2009, I'm predicting).

"We are committed to helping people understand the digital television transition, and exiting the analog video business is one way we can help avoid confusion," Best Buy's Mike Vitelli said. Meaning, he'll either sell you a new TV or sell you a converter box. What, you don't want to go back to reading, do you? (Bill Frost)