Roller Derby Report: Junction City Roller Dolls Season Finale

[Alt-Sports] Their 2008 season really only consisted of two expo bouts, but Ogden's new Junction City Roller Dolls flat-track roller derby league has established itself well for only being existence since June; we're still waiting to hear from Weber County's other derby league, the O-Town Derby Dames (formerly Davis Derby Dames).

Around 200 spectators showed up at Layton's Classic Skating last night to gnaw on cheap pizza and see the JCRD's theme bout, 28 Skates Later (Zombies vs. Military), refereed by volunteer Salt City Derby Girls officials on loan from the league down south. Impressive jamming by Killa Patra, Miss Take and Slayer Cake jacked the final score into the triple digits, ending with the Military defeating the Zombies 144-141 in a tight, seesawing battle in the second period.

The Junction City Derby Dolls say they'll be back in 2009 with a full season, maybe even taking on the more experienced Salt City Derby Girls. Isn't it about time for a taxpayer-funded roller derby stadium?

(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: Cleavers Bomb Babes 111-85

[Alt-Sports] It couldn't last forever: The 2007 Salt City Derby Girls' champion Bomber Babes had their season undefeated streak shattered Saturday night by the very team they whomped back in April: The Leave It to Cleavers, your new 2008 SCDG Champions.

In front of a capacity-ish crowd at the Salt Palace, the Bombers led the scoring for most of the bout, until the Cleavers pulled ahead midway through the second half and took it all the way home. It might have been the most exciting game of the season, if not exactly the cleanest: Several skaters were ejected for penalties, including a showboat exit by retiring Cleaver Miss Disco Bliss, who skated through the crowd and out the door, middle fingers high.

The local roller-derby season is over, but the SCDG's allstar Shakers are traveling to Sacramento this weekend and could (ahem) use your help/donations for traveling expenses--PayPal ahoy.

Action shots from Saturday's bout by Mark Alston:

(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: Bombers Beat Sisters 118-74

[Alt-Sports] The 2007 Champion Bomber Babes are headed to the final showdown for 2008 after defeating the Sisters of No Mercy 118-74 Saturday night in their final bout at the Utah Olympic Oval; the Salt City Derby Girls will be skating in a new venue for the last two games of the season, announcement to come soon.

The scrappy Sisters pulled ahead of the Bombers early in the tightly-scored bout, but the girls in green soon rolled away with it. Compounding the defeat, the Sisters' Serrated Sapphire (in action above) took a hard fall in the first period, bringing the game to a halt for nearly 30 minutes before she was removed from the track by EMTs and taken away in an ambulance.

The SCDG reports she'll be OK, and the Bomber Babes will go on to defend their title against the Leave It to Cleavers in October at that Mystery Venue.

Action shots from Saturday by Mark Alston:

(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: SLC Rattles Reno 141-113

[Alt-Sports] The Salt City Derby Girls' all-star Shakers team faced off against Reno's Battle Born Derby Demons Saturday night at the Utah Olympic Oval in the tightest interleague game of the season thus far. Possibly some of the tightest uniform bootie-shorts, as well.

The BBDD took an early lead in the first half; jammers Short Fuse and Ginger Snatch catching the SCDG Shakers off-guard with pure speed and slippery strategy. But Lady Shatterly (one of SCDG's highest scorers, skating her final bout) quickly made up the difference almost single-handedly and put the Shakers in the lead for the remainder of the night. Final score: 141-113, Salt City Shakers for the win.

Next SCDG bout: Reigning champs the Bomber Babes vs. the Sisters of No Mercy, Saturday Sept. 6 at the Utah Olympic Oval. Yes, already; busy roller-derby season.

SLC vs. Reno shots by Mark Alston:

(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: Housewives Deal It to Ninjas 97-88

[Alt-Sports] We now know one team that will be competing in the Salt City Derby Girls' 2008 championship bout next month: The Leave It to Cleavers, the red-clad housewives from hell, edged past the purple-ninja Death Dealers Saturday night in a hard-fought roller battle at the Olympic Oval that came down to all of 9 points: 97-88. (Victory lap photo above by Will Bill Hill.)

The Cleavers outpaced the Dealers in the first half, as jammers Scarlicious and (everybody say it, it's fun) Dirty Pirate Hooker racked up points in rapid succession. But the Dealers retaliated hard in the second, with jammer Moonraker scoring impossible numbers to close the gap. Wasn't quite enough; the Cleavers will go onto face either the Bomber Babes or the Sisters of No Mercy to decide the SCDG champions of 2008.

Next bout: The SCDG allstar Shakers take on Reno's Battle Born Derby Demons at the Olympic Oval on Saturday Aug. 30. In the meantime, Salt City celebrates three years as a league this Saturday, Aug. 23, at the Trapp Door. Be there. (Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: Babes Bomb Dealers 105-89

[Alt-Sports] In a fast and brutal roller-derby grudge match (these same two Salt City Derby Girls teams faced off in the 2007 Championship bout), reigning champs The Bomber Babes defeated The Death Dealers 105-89 in front of 800-ish screaming fans Saturday night. The Dealers were out for blood (or at least bruises), even pulling points ahead in the first half, but were derailed by the Bombers' scoring machine of vet NOS and newbie Salt Lick--or maybe just hypnotized by the latter's micro-hotpants.

Next bout: Saturday, Aug. 16 at the Utah Olympic Oval. And now, some photos from last Saturday's bout by Mark Alston:


(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: SCDG Smacks Down FoCo

[Alt-Sports] The Salt City Derby Girls' all-star Shakers took on the FoCo (Fort Collins, Colo.) Girls Gone Derby's Kung-Fu Donnas Saturday night, exacting a 135-91 victory at the Utah Olympic Oval. The bout was only close in the first quarter; the Shakers dominated the remainder with the reliably superhuman jamming/scoring of NOS and Lady Shatterly.

Meanwhile, the announcers' booth was dominated by reliably superhuman intake of King's Peak Porter and Desert Edge Amber Ale, via the Bayou beer van (kudos to brew runner Cybil Disturbance, taking the Oval's stairs in skates).

FoCo skater names of note: Sequin Destroy, Iona Switchblade and Lulu Ferrigno.

Next SCDG roller derby bout this weekend, Saturday July 19: The Bomber Babes vs. The Death Dealers, a rematch of last year's Championship Bout.

A few photos from from the SCDG/FoCo bout, courtesy Mark Alston:

(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: Housewives Discipline Nuns 75-55

[Sports] On a Saturday loaded with events (Utah Arts Festival, Vans Warped Tour, WestFest, Ted McDonough's Irish Shake n' Bake BBQ, etc.), the Salt City Derby Girls still drew a sizable crowd to their fourth home roller-derby bout of the season at the Utah Olympic Oval. Since neither the Leave It to Cleavers nor the Sisters of No Mercy had won a game yet this year, expectations were less Clash of the Titans, more Special Olympics: The fans would be happy to see anyone come out on top.

It was a defensive bout, with plenty of hits and "girls going down like prom night" all over the track for two tight periods. The Sisters pulled ahead briefly in the first, but the Cleavers shut them down in the second, eventually disciplining the naughty nuns with a 75-55 paddling.

Next SCDG bout: July 12, with the SLC all-star Shakers going up against Colorado's Fort Collins Girls Gone Derby at the Oly Oval. Below: Pics from Saturday's bout by Mark "Official Derby Photog & Beer Guy" Alston:

(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: Angel City Shakes Salt City

[Alt-Sports] Saturday June 7, Utah Olympic Oval: Los Angeles' Angel City Derby Girls came, painted on gold hot pants and showed the Salt City Derby Girls how a more-experienced league does it--and the SCDG gave it right back, battling their way up to a respectable 92 points to ACDG's 130.

Immediately nicknamed the "California Cameltoes" by some smart-ass in the announcers booth (OK, it was me), Angel City's all-star Hollywood Scarlets commanded the rink in the first period, led by crowd (OK, announcer) favorite Estro Jen #RU 486. Salt City's all-star Shakers narrowed the gap in the second, and coach El Brujo went all NBA in a chair-flinging display of mild disapproval for a ref's call. Other than that, the two-hour bout was mostly drama-free--meaning, they didn't run out of beer this time.

A sampling of Saturday night's action shots by Wild Bill Hill:

(Bill Frost)

Roller Derby Report: Ninjas Beat Nuns

[Sports] How packed was the second official bout of Salt City Derby Girls' 2008 roller derby season Saturday night, May 24? The Bayou's brew van ran out of beer by halftime. Yeah, scary.

The crowd--possibly 800, eyeballing it--didn't seem to mind, cheering the Sisters of No Mercy (bad nuns in black) and the Death Dealers (bad ninjas in purple) on through two hours of skating action that relied more on defensive strategy and blocking than offensive scoring. The Dealers widened the gap in the second half, finally disciplining the Sisters with a 68-39 win.

Game MVPs: Death Dealer Lady Octane (skating with a severely injured wrist) and misleadingly named Sister of No Mercy Toots Sweet (skating with a severely exposed ass--see pics below).

A sampling of Saturday night's action shots by Wild Bill Hill:

(Bill Frost)

Short Skirts & Hot Wheels

[Roller Derby] The Salt City Derby Girls kicked off their 2008 roller derby season Saturday at the Utah Olympic Oval in front of 800-900 fans, clearly divided into red (for the Leave It To Cleavers) and green (for the 2007 SCDG champion Bomber Babes) factions. The Cleavers fans brought weaponry, while there was a lone cowbell on the Bombers' side--not exactly a fair matchup.

Went the other way on the track, however: The Bomber Babes dominated the bout for both 30-minute periods, led by in the superhuman jamming/scoring of NOS; the Leave It To Cleavers, skating with at least half new members (aka "fresh meat"), kept up best they could and got in some of the most brutal defensive hits (via blocker Miss Disco Bliss).

Final score: Bombers 144, Cleavers 89. Next bout: Saturday May 24 (Sisters of No Mercy vs. Death Dealers; tickets available through SLCDerby.com and SmithsTix.com. Please to enjoy these bout pix by Mark Alston:




(Bill Frost)