Who Digs Beets, Really?

[Bites] So, I was having lunch downtown at The New Yorker restaurant yesterday (don't forget the Downtown Dine O Round!) and enjoying a killer heirloom tomato salad when I spotted it: a beet. There it was, cleverly hidden between layers of sliced, multi-hued tomatoes. And since I was trained as a kid to try everything on my plate, I reluctantly dove into this pinkish beet only to pleasantly discover that it was a slice of pickled red onion. Relief! The truth is: no one likes beets. Why do you think they're called beets? Beets are beat. I know they're supposed to be cool and hip. But if you say you love beets, you’re lying. If you claim to like beets, you’re fibbing. No one does. Come clean. Beets suck. It's time fancy chefs got over the whole beet thing. I don't care if they’re red, yellow, pink, or turquoise. Give us pickled onions. (Ted Scheffler)