Friday Letters Round-Up

• I've always wanted to know what hummus is. Now I'll never know. Thanks a lot, Daily Herald.
  
  
• Rocky can have my water bottle when he pries it from my cold, dead Springville fingers.
  
  
• Family values in Utah? Hah! If we have such strong "family values," then why are we showing pornography at Capitol Theatre?
  
  
• The only thing that will save our culture is to bring back the era of bleak, four-hour movies examining obscure philosophical concepts! Audiences love movies about people playing chess with Death.
  
  
• It's OK; I'm a Mormon--you can keep those donations coming.
  
  
• If it weren't for that commie pinko FDR, maybe those rotten kids would stay off my lawn.
  
  
• I'd be able to relax at home once in awhile if only my no-good husband would quit pestering me.
  
  
• Faith-based actions invariably make the world a better place, if you ignore the Crusades, the Inquisition, suicide bombing, anti-gay bigotry, the subjugation of women, a slew of pointless wars and biblically sanctioned slavery. Other than that, religion has a pretty clean track record.

(Brandon Burt)