Straight Outta Layton

Barbed Bacon The Weekly World News (“The World’s Only Reliable Newspaper,” FYI) reported this week that a “bizarre new species” of pig has been discovered in, of all places, Layton, Utah: The PorcuPig! “Last month, one of my pigs gave birth to a litter of pigs covered with bristles,” farmer Bill Waterson told WWN. “They kept growing until they became full-fledged needles!” The Utah Heredity Institute (we couldn’t find any evidence that it exists, but we don’t have the investigative resources of the Weekly World News) confirmed the pig/porcupine DNA connection: “Just as certain plants acquire bad tastes or animals develop camouflage,” said Dr. Raymond Young, “these ‘porcupigs’ have formed an effective protection against the hands of butchering farmers.” And that’s not all: “Evolutionarily speaking, external spines like these are often a precursor to feathers,” Dr. Young continued. “Perhaps, in the not-so-distant future, we may yet see pigs fly!” So this is Intelligent Design, huh? Cool. (Bill Frost)