Dick x 8

THE OCHO Eight possible speech highlights when Vice President Dick Cheney appears at Brigham Young University’s graduation ceremony next month:

8. “I salute you, the next generation of cannon fodder, uh, scholars.”

7. “I’m not saying that the sooner you befriend some brain-dead stooge in a frat, the sooner you’ll become a global puppet master, but …”

6. “You don’t get cable and that Daily Show here in Provo, right? Just checking.”

5. “I’m saddened to hear of the assassination of Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson … [checks earpiece] … Sorry, never mind. Jumped the gun, heh-heh.”

4. “I’ll be signing 8x10s and Halliburton recommendations in the lobby after the speech.”

3. “Heart attacks? They’re nothing. Just had one right there. And another. No biggie.”

2. “The term ‘shadow government’ is distasteful; I prefer ‘highly-empowered AV club.’”

1. “Back when I played the Penguin on the old Batman TV series …”

(Bill Frost)