Move Over, Lex de Azevedo!

[Imaginary Theater] Over at McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Ben Greenman's written the basis of a libretto for a show called Polygamy! The Musical. Oh, how I would love to see it produced! (Unlike many attempted parodies of the current Texas unpleasantness, it even seems to grasp the differences between LDS monogamy, FLDS polygamy and crazy-ass Warren Jeffs child rape.)

All it would take, really, would be a commitment from Utah's theater community to stage 10 percent fewer productions of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat for one year, thus freeing up resources to workshop Polygamy!

Yes, it would be a sacrifice—but isn't it worth it to give new talent a break? (Brandon Burt)

That Kind Kabul Chronic

[War: What Is It Good For?] What the hell is happening over there in Afghanistan? Didn't PNAC tell us that Middle Eastern men are all bloodthirsty, puritanical fanatics? That's what I heard when they sent U.S. soldiers to wage a hellish war against, apparently, an entire subcontinent (and, oh, simultaneously against "drugs" and "terror.")

Apparently, our Afghani allies aren't bloodthirsty enough when it comes to fighting Taliban fuckheads. They're having the Summer of Love over there, to the supreme exasperation of this Coalition of the Willing member. (Brandon Burt)

House Party

Co-star of House Party, that is. Christopher "Kid" Reid will hit SLC on May 3 to perform stand-up comedy with Latin King of Comedy Joey Medina and Luenell. This is quite a treat for anyone nostalgic for the 90s. Spandex body suits anyone? Check these fresh dance moves:

And who could forget Reid's role in the film's spin-off cartoon series? Not this girl


(Jamie Gadette)

Was ToddlerSwipe.com Taken?

[Dumb Domains] Just received a press release about a new website that offers online deals for moms, set up by "local Internet marketing professionals." It's called ... BabySteals.com.

Now, I'm no Internet marketing professional, but doesn't this sound like a gathering site for baby-crazed kidnappers and/or black-market toddler peddlers? Just sayin' ... (Bill Frost)

Busy Birds

[Bird Love] The peregrine falcons are back and nesting happily in a box on the northeast corner of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building on Main Street and South Temple.

State avian experts expect a hatch in three to four weeks, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. The female is sitting on four eggs.

Which prompted my morning coffee companion and partner in reading the daily papers to say:
"Well, [the falcons] live at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. They always have big families."

You can watch the birds do their brooding/birthing thing in real time by going here.
(Holly Mullen)

Optimistic Fools

Everyone has a few guilty pleasures. One of mine happens to be trade shows. I love nothing more than milling about a vast exhibit hall, stuffing a canvas bag full of coupons, brochures, business cards and pens. It’s like Halloween for grown-ups—because in addition to useless paper products, there’s lots of candy dropped in your bag.

To that end, I slipped away from the office today to bob like a bubble in a stream around the aisles of the Salt Lake Chamber Business to Business Expo at the Salt Palace.

First of all, might I exclaim, what ever happened to the Salt Palace? I used to know my way around that joint but man, it’s become huuuugggge. The expansion we’ve heard about for the past few years is for real—you could practically run a marathon from one end to the other.

Secondly, might I ask, who wants to be found out for their guilty pleasures? At past B2B Expos, I could move around the room anonymously with a handwritten nametag, gather my info, enjoy some delicious food and drink and leave without incident.

However, this year, they got my number. Literally. The registration booth scanned my business card which fed information into a name-badge-printing machine. Presto-chango, I had a professional name badge.

But the chamber also has the goods on me, which they’ll probably sell to the 250 vendors who paid at least $875 per booth to attend. One business even scanned my business card before I dropped it into a bucket for a door prize.

Yes, I said door prize. Another guilty pleasure. Despite what I know about odds and my awareness of how businesses generate leads at trade shows, I still can’t resist trying for a free set of steak knives or an overnight hotel stay.

In the end, I guess that’s what trade shows are, an orgy of optimism. It’s the chutzpah of one business to rent a booth; staff it with shiny happy people; buy enough candy and banners to lure in a few of the 4,000 attendees; and brag about what it can sell you. And it’s the curious, open-to-possibilities mindset of attendees like me. I’m not really shopping for a new investment firm or a water-cooler service. But who knows, maybe someday I’ll will be.

In the meantime, I just hope I win that gift basket filled with Western Nut’s world-famous peanut brittle. (Jerre Wroble)

Wilco and ... Al Green Are Coming!!

Not together, but that would be cool. Red Butte Garden leaked its annual summer concert series schedule today. Here's a complete list of performers:

July 11
Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra with Wynton Marsalis

July 15
Jonny Lang, Dusty Rhodes and the River Band
(Dusty is also playing Urban Lounge May 5)

July 20
Emmylou Harris, Jimmy Gaudreau & Moondi Klein

July 22
Derek Trucks & Susan Tedeschi-Soul Stew Revival, Scrapomatic

July 30
Los Lonely Boys & Los Lobos

August 10
Alejandro Escovedo & Greg Brown

August 18
Wilco

August 19
A Prairie Home Companion: The Rhubarb Tour with Garrison Keillor

August 20
KT Tunstall

August 26
Bonnie Raitt, Richard Julian

September 3
Al Green

September 11
G. Love & Special Sauce, John Butler Trio

Here's Wilco doing one of my favorites:


(Jamie Gadette)

White Band is Coming

[Art] Nothing beats ugly spring weather better than checking out some fine artsy photos of much warmer climes. So if yer strolling downtown be sure to stop by Saans studio on 173 East Broadway, to check out White Band is Coming: Images of India.

Put on by local SLC photographer M Bryan Thompson (also the owner of Saans) the images are simple shots of the diverse community that make up the vast population of India. The free exhibit should be enough certainly to instill a little bit of that rambling spirit into anyone who checks it out, and if nothing else, cheer up a rainy afternoon. The exhibit will be running from now until May 13 so go check it out. (Eric S. Peterson)

Panchen Lama Candelight Vigil

Join the Utah Tibetan Community tomorrow evening to commemorate the 19th birthday of Panchem Lama, one of the world's youngest political prisoner. In case you've been asleep or just busy with your Wii and American Idol playoffs, the Chinese government has a pretty sketchy track record. It should come as no surprise then that Lama was kidnapped at age six and held in captivity by the Chinese government which admitted to doing so. Concerned Utah residents will gather to pray for Lama's safety and raise awareness of his disappearance:

Friday, April 25
City & County Building
451 S. State, SLC
7 p.m.
FreePanchenLama.org

(Jamie Gadette)

Confronting Cruelty

This weekend's Confronting Cruelty Conference didn't make it into the print edition of our paper, so here's hoping a few animal-loving locals out there will read this and attend the three-day event. Scheduled speakers include Brian Barnard, a Salt Lake City lawyer who fights for equal human and animal rights, Faith Ching (of Ching Animal Rescue), and former political prisoner/convicted "terrorist" Peter Young. This is a great opportunity for the public to learn how individuals can stop animal cruelty, from small steps like buying cruelty-free shampoo to bigger changes like adopting a vegetarian or vegan diet and perhaps protesting animal testing, etc.

(Jamie Gadette)

Saul Williams: Oh, That's Why I Love Music

I’ve always thought that if this writing gig didn’t work out, I could at least fall back on my drumming skills.

Last night, those aspirations were dashed across the floor of Kilby Court, along with the rest of my being. Poor Lance is probably still there cleaning up the pieces of me that were blown away by Saul Williams’ performance.

My musicianship-doubts began to form even before Williams took the stage. The three-piece backing band/programmers took the stage in full war-paint, head-feathered glory, led by New York producer/sequencer extraordinaire CX Kidtronik. From the moment the mohawk’d Kidtronik threw down, I knew I wanted to go home and trade in my drum set for an arsenal of drum machines, sequencers and synthesizers.

Following tribal-suit, Williams took the stage decked in full warlord attire. Proving himself equal parts eloquent and abrasive, he launched into an industrial/dance heavy set, littered with moments of thoughtful slam poetry. Even kids decked out in bondage gear couldn’t help dancing to the thick assault of NIN-influenced material off his newest album (apparently, they didn’t get the message that Trent wasn’t going to make an appearance, despite producing the album).

“I like small places like this,” said Williams of the tightly-packed Kilby. “It’s less of a show and more of a ritual.”

Every now and then, you go to a show that reminds you why you love music – listening to it, writing about it, playing it ­– and it all comes down to honesty. Sure, there was enough energy in the tiny space to power a city skyline, but Williams’ love for his audience was so thick it was tangible. From his heartfelt cries against racial injustice to letting the crowd embrace him, there was a real connection – something rare during most live performances. But at the same time, there was no air of pretentious self-righteousness (thanks partly to Kidtronik’s amazing dancing/shenanigans). And it rocked.

After the closer – the well-deserved hit “List of Demands”… try to listen to it without getting it stuck in your head – the encore consisted of an original from Kidtronik (which Williams introduced as “this song is… uh… absurd”). The DJ/producer threw on a skull mask and went wild on the crowd with an assaulting techno/hardcore song and even crowd surfed… at Kilby! Did I mention his album is titled Krack Attack?

The last song, a re-imagining of U2’s “Sunday Bloody Sunday,” made the crowd a little more comfortable after Kidtronik’s spectacle, but I always thought covers were a big no-no at Kilby.

(Ryan Bradford. Photos courtesy of Dave Madden/Nonnon)

"無"

[Here and Now - UofU]






無... or "Mu" is difficult, if not impossible, to translate into English. It's part of an illogical Zen riddle, or koan and essentially means "non-" or "nothingness."

University of Utah student, Arwen Ek, whom you might remember being arrested for performing in the street a few years ago, certainly has a formidable challenge before her: To translate MU into an embodied response to the koan.

The preview performance she gave last night was magnificent. Incorporating video, music and three forms of Japanese theater - Noh, Kabuki and Butoh - Arwen underwent a horrific transformation, de-constructing and rebuilding the nature of woman, only to re-emerge as MU itself.

So, if you're seeking for something to add to your weekend of Japanese culture (you ARE going to the Japanese festival this Saturday, riiiight? *nudge nudge*), "MU" will certainly answer that riddle.


MU Performance artist Arwen Ek combines movement, music, theater, visual art and theoretical physics. Studio 115, U of U Performing Arts Building, 240 S. 1500 East, 581-7100, April 24-26, 7:30 p.m. Tickets: $9/person, $7 for UofU faculty, $5 for students (with ID).
*Not suitable for audiences under 14*

(SLC Random Team)

The Weekly Poll: Utah Pizza

[Survey Fun] Last week, we posted the first Weekly Poll on SLWeekly.com, asking if community radio listeners would be more inclined to stick with KRCL 90.9 FM as it tweaks its format, or make the Internet switch to new online offshoot UtahFM.org. KRCL narrowly won, while UtahFM came in second and the option of enjoying both brought up third. Only a couple of pollers preferred commercial radio, thankfully.

This week, the Weekly Poll is linked to Ted Scheffler's Dining column about fine Utah pizza: Can it be found locally, as the Tedster asserts, or is Zion pie a lost cause? And by Zion pie, we mean pizza, sickos.

Take the Weekly Poll here.

(Bill Frost)

Me and My Beau

[Headline-ese] For some reason, this Salt Lake Tribune headline seems a bit, uh, light.

An (alleged) sociopath who (allegedly) asphyxiated his former girlfriend and (allegedly) stuffed her body in a crate inside the trunk of her car and (allegedly) kidnapped a 60-year-old mentally impaired woman in the process gets off being called an "ex-beau?"

Beau. I picture a guy in top hat, tails and spats. Someone who's all Fred Astaire, hoofing his way into Ginger Rogers' heart. Or what my Grandma Rose would have called a dandy. (Holly Mullen)

Huntsman makes liars out of CW

City Weekly poked Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. in the eye this week for his inaction on a proposal to import Italian nuclear waste to Utah (See Hits & Misses). It turns out that as we went to press Junior was changing his mind.

EnergySolutions has asked to import 20,000 tons of dismantled Italian nuclear reactor parts, 1,600 tons of which are destined to be buried at EnergySolutions Tooele County landfill. Huntsman earlier took the position that, while he didn’t want the waste any more than the next guy, his hands were tied by an agreement he’d hammered out with ES last year.

That meant the waste was headed our way, since the federal government leaves decisions about radioactive waste up to states.

Today, Huntsman changed his mind, and asked a regional nuclear waste group—the Northwest Interstate Low-Level Waste Compact—to block the Italian imports. The compact regulates waste shipments inside the U.S.

The watchdog group HEAL Utah, longtime critic of EnergySolutions, praised Huntsman’s action in a press release:

"Governor Huntsman has pulled through for the people of Utah and lived up to his campaign pledge to prevent Utah from being the nation's—and now the world's—dumping ground," said Vanessa Pierce, Executive Director for the citizen advocacy group HEAL Utah. "Governor Huntsman's action today speaks volumes for his integrity, strength, and passion for protecting what we cherish about our state."

The group then goaded its favorite target:

"If EnergySolutions wants to pick a fight with our Governor, the people of Utah will be standing behind him every step of the way."

HEAL last week blasted the governor for not standing up to EnergySolutions.

Got to love politics. (Ted McDonough)

[Q] & A With Hippie Dad

[Kid Lit] Yes, OK, yes, sweetie. I hear what you're saying. But, relax, honey. It's just a plant!

[Q.]

A. Yes, I know what they told you in school.

[Q.]

A. No, I'm not saying you should ignore your teachers.

[Q.]

A. Well, because sometimes adults aren't always right, that's all. It's a crazy world out there, and ...

[Q.]

A. No, of course not, honey. Why would your mother and I rob a liquor store?

[Q.]

A. Of course we're not going to OD. That's silly.

[Q.]

A. When your mother and I ... ? Well, maybe just a little when we bought that green carpeting. I know the pattern gives you bad dreams ...

[Q.]

A. Now, pumpkin, put down the phone. I'm serious, put it down now. There's no need to call the police ... honey? Darlin'?

Jessica Ann Bradley, you put that phone down this second!

(Brandon Burt)

Say It Ain't So: LOLCats Sell Out!

[Net Culture] OK, so I'm a bit behind the curve on this one. People have been blogging about it for a month.

It's a contest. The winning photo/caption pair will appear on Jones Soda labels. Which will make them famous because, until now you could only see LOLCats in about 10 jillion places on the Internet.

Now, whenever you want to see an LOLCat, all you have to do is go to the grocery store, search around the refrigerated aisle, ask a clerk, find out the store doesn't carry off-brand soda, go to another store, and then stare at the refrigeration case for as long as you like! It's a new level of convenience!

By this we can hope that the three people in the United States who are still unfamiliar with LOLCats will now have the opportunity to enjoy them.

OK, if I sound bitter, it's because I like LOLCats. I know they can't last forever. But ... please, Jones Soda? Can't you find some other anti-hip trend to cash in on?

Sooner or later, I suppose every creative meme gets crushed out by some corporate leech or other. Why, why must corporations "brand" themselves by sucking our very dreams out of our heads!?! Our souls are lost so that bottles of carbonated sugar water can cultivate the illusion of having personalities. (Brandon Burt)

KSL...Huh?

[TV and Nasty Stuff] OK. We're sitting here watching TV. Tonight, in prime time (7:30 to 9), KSL is running Saturday Night Live: A Tribute to Chris Farley.

So far, we've laughed at the late Farley and Adam Sandler in one of the classic send-up commercials, advertising "Schmitt's Gay Beer," with hot gay guys romping in a swimming pool with Sandler and Farley. And now, there's a great skit with the ample Farley and a young Patrick Swayze, doing a bump and grind audition to become Chippendales Dancers. Oh, and now Farley, David Spade and Sandler are dressed in '50s-era drag and sharing french fries in a malt shop.

Yeah, we saw it all years ago. It holds up nicely.

And still, KSL won't show Saturday Night Live in its current incarnation. For that, you have to (for years now) go to the CW, on Saturdays at 10:30 p.m.

Because, as KSL maintains, it's all about holding the line on morality for its viewing audience.

BTW, KSL--did we mention Farley died of a drug overdose? (Holly Mullen)

Beat the Blues

[NBA Playoffs] The Utah Jazz play Thursday night at home against Houston in game three of their playoff series.

Will point guard/god Deron Williams get past his poor, bruised butt and play at 100 percent? Pity those poor Rockets if he does--he played hurt the first two games, after all. Can Kyle Korver sink another of those buzzer-beater 3-pointers? Will Andre Kirilenko stay happy?

These are the important questions. But something else I've gotta ask: Can someone in the Larry Miller organization please, please do something about those awful powder-blue t-shirts Jazz fans found on their seats in the Energy Solutions Arena last year and wore during the series against Golden State? Blecch! Pale blue is just that: Pale. Awful on TV. It has no hope of standing out on camera, and face it--the pasty Nordic types that make up 80 percent of the Jazz fan base look even more washed out when wearing it.

Hey look. The Utah Jazz is already fighting for cred among NBA writers and broadcasters, who rarely mention even one of the players in any title-chasing context. They'd rather salivate over Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett and Chris Paul. Except for Charles Barkley. Now that man knows the Jazz has mettle.

To recap: If we could simply lose the powder blue, all would be right in the playoff world. Don't you think? (Holly Mullen)

No (Pre) Show

[Music] How is it that Jucifer, one of my favorite bands/forces of nature, is playing in Salt Lake City tomorrow night and I'm just hearing about it today? Way to promo, Broken Todd's and/or Relapse Records.

The two-piece Athens band (Amber & Edgar Livengood--the Satanic flipside to Jack & Meg White) have released a new album, L'Autrichienne, which we also didn't receive; let's just say it's great. But, even if you do have a copy, live Jucifer is unrecognizable from recorded Jucifer, anyway: Onstage, it's all about volume, volume, volume! Amps to the ceiling, all cranked to 11, feel the thud. It's a show where earplugs and a helmet are recommended.

Jucifer plays the Broken Record Bar & Grill (1051 S. 300 West) Wednesday April 23, guessing 'round 11 p.m. Even if you don't go, you'll probably be able to hear it from wherever you are. Here's a video taste; imagine it 86 times louder:


(Bill Frost)