- Derby Girls? More like Dirty Girls! Hah!
- It's pronounced nucular, honey. Nu-cu-lar.
- If it weren't for all those damned football games, our troops would be home by now.
- What Mitt needs to do is instill some voter confidence. Hey, I know! He should start rambling on about that thing with the Urim and Thummim! Voters love Urim and Thummim!
- You anti-war traitors don't know nothin' about the virtue of sacrifice. Hell, I sacrifice half my income to keep gas in my Hummer and you don't hear me complaining!
- You liberals think Bill Clinton was so great? Well, where was your precious Clinton on 9/11, huh? Huh? Huh?
- Also, if Bavaria were located 300 miles to the northwest of where it actually is, maybe King Ludwig would have invaded England.