Fashionista: The Oscars

FASHION Lindsay Larkin works in City Weekly's retail sales department. She also has something to say about fashion, so we set her loose on the blog. Her debut (epic) entry is all about Sunday's Academy Awards. Enjoy, there's more to come ...

First of all, three of my favourite designers completely let me down this year: Valentino (in more dress than one), Channel haute couture (Karl Lagerfield), and Armani (oh the shame!).

Anne Hathaway, whom I cannot stand in the first place and I have no good explanation other than her having a GIGANTIC mouth, walked the carpet in an absolutely depressing dress. The white lace was as tacky as the gigantic black bow over her breasts. Given, I have never been a big fan of lace, but this dress was truly a birth of a wedding and a funeral gone awry. Big mistake. And to think, I once dreamed I’d be rich enough to get married in a Valentino gown.

While we’re on Valentino, I was sorely disappointed to see Kate Winslet’s dress. Not only do I think she’s a fantastic actress, but I also think she is stunningly beautiful. However, there has never has been, and never will be an excuse for sea-foam green. Shame on you Kate Winslet, and, more so, shame on you Valentino.

This brings me directly to Giorgio Armani, whom I thought could do no wrong. This is until I tried on my Armani suit from high school and realized that the cut, especially the shoulder pads, screamed MC Hammer. Then he does it again with the sea-foam green. Beyonce showed up in nothing less than an appalling prom dress.

Let us now return to the mistake of the hideous bow. I have never been a fan of Nicole Kidman, and I think I may stand alone in this category. I hope I do not stand alone in thinking her dress was just plain awful.

While we’re on Nicole Kidman, the obvious next step is Naomi Watts. Good lord, what was she thinking? There was absolutely no excuse for her hideous Escada dress. Fortunately for me, I’ve never been a big fan of Escada, so I wasn’t personally affronted. Leave this fashion line to old, frumpy women on the upper west side please.

Back to Valentino. What the hell Cameron Diaz? Yes I think she’s a terrible actress and a bit of a bimbo, but I have been defending her fashion sense for some time now. Sadly, this dress has been widely accepted. All I can say is, “were you hoping for an ’80s themed wedding?” Again, destroying my own dreams of a Valentino wedding.

Finally, I mourn Channel haute couture. I cannot fathom what possessed Karl Lagerfield to design the dress Kirsten Dunst wore (Coco is probably turning in her grave as you read this) and what possessed anyone to don it. There is absolutely no excuse. And the frumpy hair really didn’t help anything.

Onto the good: I know that Gwyneth Paltrow is considered a seriously pretentious bitch at this point. It only makes me love her more, as did her Zac Posen dress. I am continually impressed by Zac Posen. I think he may be to this era what Tom Ford once was to Gucci (short-lived as it was). What I really loved about this dress, other than Gwyneth wearing it and the colour, was that it had to sink in. I really liked the dress at first glance, but I was also unsure. A great piece of clothing is one that gets better with each look and this dress definitely accomplished that.

Zac Posen only proved his talent more with Portia de Rossi. The dress was so incredibly hot that I would completely switch sides to take it off of her. Watch out Ellen.

And then Armani redeemed himself with his Armani Prive collection and Cate Blanchet’s impeccable taste. She was so absurdly gorgeous, I don’t know what to say. She has been fairly consistently faithful to Armani and she has, in my opinion, always chosen well. This time she was flawless.

As mush as I hate J. Lo (let’s just accept she is so not from the ghetto and call her Jennifer Lopez) she has been looking great lately. Because I hate her, I will credit this to a new stylist (totally unconfirmed). Her Marchesa dress was classy and provocative, but by no means trashy. So, Jennifer Lopez, I forgive you for you past mistakes for the time being.

Helen Mirren is a no-brainer in her Christian Lacroix. Pretty much Christian Lacroix is a no-brainer, but I must give her credit regardless.

Onto Reese Witherspoon, who I think has been consistently well dressed--outside of her costume designers’ choices, that is. She looks good as a general rule in real life. Her Nina Ricci was, however, incredibly hot, cutting-edge, and classy all at once. Mad props.

Finally, I’ll mention Penelope Cruz. Is it possible for her to look anything but hot? Her Atelier Versace was amazing. I have a hard time accepting anything Donatella Versace does in general because it seems almost blasphemous considering Gianni’s legacy, but I have to give her credit. I will especially give her credit for ripping off Gaultier (my favourite) in her own fashion. The train of this dress was so Gaultier that I wanted to rip it off of her. Yet Donatella managed to throw her own flair into it and make it uniquely her own. I am nothing but impressed. (Lindsay Larkin)