Heber's Gettin' a Wal-Mart!

[Elections 2007] We've been so caught up in mayors and vouchers, we forgot about this. Heber City voted to drop a big-ass cement box in its picturesque midst, but the defeated opponents should take heart: As soon as construction is complete on any Wal-Mart in 'Merica, country singer Chris Cagle shows up to sing his hit "Wal-Mart Parking Lot." It's true! As far as you know ...



(Bill Frost)

Hey, Remember Me?

[Alumni Encounter] So, shortly after taking a seat today at my favorite downtown SLC lunch counter, I turn around and recognize the face of someone I particularly did not like from high school.

That's class of '75, Olympus High School, Holladay Utah.

I remember this about her: She had a long waist and even longer legs. Her hair, thick and auburn, reached easily to the middle of her back. Even with a mouthful of braces, she had a brilliant smile. And she was definitely one of those popular girls.

I don't remember her as especially bright, or as an engaging conversationalist. But then it was high school, and why would those qualities count?

She was never very nice to me. We had a couple of classes together, and I don't recall her ever speaking my name.

So suddenly I am at lunch. I look at her. For a few long seconds I look at her. She looks at me. I smile. She smiles, weakly. But there is no hint of recognition in her eyes.

I guess I never forget a face. I could cut her some slack, but 32 years have passed and I don't want to. She looks as good as ever, still doesn't strike me as terribly nice.

Oh--that photo up on top? It's George W. Bush bagman Karl Rove, Olympus High Class of '69. He may be our most famous graduate. He's not very nice, either.

Anyone else out there have chance encounters with creeps from high school you'd be better off forgetting? (Holly Mullen)

Latter-Day Chefs

[Food] As someone who dabbles in the culinary arts, Mormon cooking, I confess leaves me somewhere between confused and downright horrified.

Take for example potato casserole, which is also known, I'm told as funeral potatoes--since it gets served at burials I'd imagine, rather than, given the ingredients, it sends you to the grave.

Potato casserole, along with the aforementioned root vegetable, features a pint of sour cream, the ubiquitous (for Mormon cooks anyway) can of chicken/cream of celery or mushroom soup, shredded cheese, onions, melted butter and, to give it a crusty topping, corn flakes. Outside of the health issues eating this kind of food might offer, can anyone explain quite why so much of Mormon cooking tends towards the stodgy and bland? It seems to take the worst of American and English cooking and come up with a hybrid that ensures you put on pounds while having little to report in the way of taste.

And don't get me started on frog-eye salad with its endless cups of whipped topping and marshmallows ... (Stephen Dark)

Voting: Funner Than Bingo

[Politics] Voting has not been a strong suit lately of my generation. Gen X,Y whatever you call them, I like generation "I" for ipod, iphone, i-dont-give-two-shits-about-the-world.

From the greatest generation to the progeny of the sixties, society has now arrived to us, the generation for whatever you call it, who really just stopped caring...about everything, least of all voting.

That's why I've been anxiously awaiting the election to see how the polls compared to a recent straw poll conducted at the University of Utah's Hinckley Center of Politics.

The results are interesting. For example, while today's polls showed Becker trouncing Buhler 64 to 36 percent the Hinckley straw poll shows U students narrowly giving the win to Becker at 45 to 42.

The results for the voucher issue were a little closer to the mark with election polls showing an approximate voucher defeat of 62 to 38 percent, and the Hinckley poll showing 67.99 against and 30.03 for.

The results are interesting, when compared, and speak alot to the generation difference. Yet what still concerns me is how much the actual difference matters at the polls. The Hinckley poll for example had over half of respondents describing themselves as 'very interested' in the election and over thirty percent saying they were 'somewhat interested.' These folks I am sure will go on to take active part in their community and be tomorrow's civic leaders--it's the ones that aren't interested that worry me. The uninterested, unseen majority of apathetics who's not caring might give tacit support to the whole world going to hell so long as ipods get smaller, sports vehicles get bigger and Fox News keeps dishing out trademarked "fair and balanced" news.

Anyways, whatever your slant, it's worth checking out the excellent work the Hinckley folks did on the poll, which has many interesting demographic breakdowns and results for the 2008 presidential election, here. (Eric Peterson)

Don't Call Us Dumbasses

[Vouchbags] The day-after analysis on the unceremonious death of vouchers keeps rolling in.*

My favorite: The crushing blow against tax-funded, private school vouchers (62 percent to 38 percent) came because voters simply couldn't cut through the conflicting, muddy advertising from both sides. So, not fully understanding the issue, people merely punted and kept the status quo.

KSL radio's Doug Wright opened his talk show with almost those very words this morning. Comment boards at KSL and the Deseret Morning News, too (surprised?). Wright, with that ponderous Sunday-go-to-to meetin' voice, described how very "offended" he was by the ads on both sides.

The "status quo" argument is plain absurd. Strip this ballot measure down to its underpants and you find a movement fueled by constituents (that's all of us in Utah) deeply pissed off by the arrogance of a handful of GOP legislators and well-heeled lobbyists (Overstock.com Patrick Byrne out in front) who pushed the voucher bill through early this year against all average-folk protests.

So in the days ahead, as everyone scrambles to dissect the reason(s) why vouchers were such a colossal failure, remember the taxpayers, stupid. The citizens. The people who back up the legislators' paychecks. Opinion polls showed huge opposition to vouchers from Day One. Bill sponsor Rep. Steve Urquhart (R-St. George) and others kept arguing if people really understood the voucher concept they'd support it. We just weren't smart enough, or patient enough to figure it out, the subtext went.

We understand. It's pretty simple for most--at least 62 percent of us. If you want to send your kids to private school, please do. But since this is a country (and state) that values every child's right to a taxpayer-funded, public education we'd like to put our money toward improving what we have, thanks.

The foundation of this mess rests on the actions of a few legislators who thought they would steamroll the people. They either misread their constituents or didn't give a rat's ass anyway. They gambled; they lost.

If pundits/bloggers/talk show hosts want to call that a vote for the status quo, fine. Just don't insult our intelligence while doing it. (Holly Mullen)

* Tip of the Salt Blog hat to keen observer Greg Bumpus of Draper, who shot the above photo while driving to work in Orem this a.m. Here's the link to licensing info.

Blame Canada

[Music] Anyone who knows me understands I'm obsessed with Canadian bands that don't involve Bryan Adams, Avril Lavigne or Sum 41. It all started with Broken Social Scene, a massive collective of insanely creative and talented musicians whose involvment in the group is simply not enough. Every single one of BSS's spin-offs, solo projects, side projects, what have you, are just as good (and at times more awesome) than the mothership. One shining offshoot, Apostle of Hustle, returning to town tonight just months after appearing at the Gallivan Center's summer Twilight Concert Series. Not many people paid attention to the Cuba meets Toronto project. They were too busy getting drunk and/or anxious to see whether Peter, Bjorn & John fake the killer whistling on "Young Folks." Your chance for redemption lies at the Urban Lounge, 241 E. 500 South. Get there a little after 10 p.m. Do Make Say Think is headlining.

Here's some Apostle of Hustle to whet your appetite:



and



(Jamie Gadette)

True Colors?

[Pride Mixer] Must admit I'm a little dizzy over this colors-for-a-good-cause bent everyone has latched onto.

I do recall--years ago--when pink was synonymous with the gay/bi/trans pride movement. But then, didn't it become a rainbow? As in, a color scheme to represent all-inclusiveness?

And then didn't the color pink get hijacked by the breast cancer awareness cause?

Yellow is for support the troops, right? Unless a child goes missing and then yellow ribbons tied around trees means "safe journey home."

Color my liberal sensibilities "confused." (Holly Mullen)

Ooh, Byrned!

[Elections 2007] While everyone else on the losing sides of the elections last night was playing nice and "we're still hopeful" on the locals news, clearly perturbed Overstock.com CEO Patrick Byrne--who sank millions into the pro-voucher campaign--spouted Beowolf lines at Fox 13 News at Nine's Sandy Riesgraf and called the vote "a statewide IQ test." Yes, he thinks you failed it, Utah--you've been served by a douchebag in a mock turtleneck. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done. (Bill Frost)

Politics is Local

[Elections 2007] All politics is local. That may have been true when Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill said it way back when, but increasingly it seems elections are decided far away by forces beyond the control of the neighborhood bar. Corporations fund campaigns of congressmen and state lawmakers who seldom bother to talk to constituents. Out-of-state single issue groups bankroll ballot issues to steamroll pet issues into law.

But not in Salt Lake City. Yesterday's election results proved winning an election here is still about local alliances, word-of-mouth and rallying the neighbors. Once Salt Lake City's political classes had decided Ralph Becker was their next mayor—something that happened fairly early in the primaries—the race was over. Voters solidified around him over coffee or cocktails, and all the ads in the world weren’t going to change the outcome.

Becker could have come out as the bastard child of Mr. Rogers and a muppet and still have won.

Unlike his competitors, Becker had a constituency—Salt Lake’s Avenues, which Becker has long represented in the state Legislature. And it’s a politically active bunch.

Contender Jenny Wilson (the stepdaughter of City Weekly editor Holly Mullen) also had a constituency, but unfortunately for her it wasn’t in the city. The Salt Lake County councilwoman knocked out during the primary had backers from all over, but no concentrated base that felt she was their gal. Keith Christensen, starting from scratch with no constituency at all, never had a chance. His huge spending in the primaries, to no effect, was the best demonstration that that Salt Lake City remains a small town where advertising can’t win an election.

Dave Buhler tried to appeal beyond his natural constancy, presenting himself as the Mormon–but-tolerant everyman’s candidate (One Buhler campaign mailing invited residents to “come have a drink with Dave after work. He’ll have a root beer, you have whatever you want.”). But his 36 percent showing in the general election appears to approximate the percentage of the city’s population of active LDS churchgoers.

Vouchers went down for the same reason. There is simply no significant group of Utah voters invested in private schools. Despite the claims of the Sutherland Institute, Mormons have no tradition of private schooling. Groups that do, like Catholics, make up a small part of the electorate.

Which made the Beehive State a particularly bad spot for voucher pushers to stage their first national fight. The result was a huge win for the teacher’s union, and a union organizing effort that should serve teachers and their allies well in future elections. (Ted McDonough)

Def, Deaf & Blind

[Music] Two interesting articles to contemplate today as you vote for one white male mayoral candidate or the other, both pertaining to hip-hop.

The first, an essay authored by a noted professor who published books on Tupac and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., argues in favor of the oft-maligned musical genre (or at least encourages critics to actually listen to a wide body of work before rejecting it as misogynistic, backwards nonsense). The other, an article exploring hip-hop's supposed influence on teenager's sex lives, suggests that the genre's significance stops when the listener comes of age. As if it's something we outgrow.

And while the NY Times does site Bakari Kitwana in its closing thoughts, I'm more inclined to side with the thoughtful scholar who recognizes hip-hop as art without boiling it down to youthful indiscretion. What do you think? (Jamie Gadette)

Who 4 Queen?

[Call to Repentance] Some press releases find their way to me as if by a miracle. This one, for instance, from JESUS 4 KING OF SALT LAKE CITY.

"The Jesus 4 King project is conducting workshops in Utah in November and December to help people become spiritual leaders of their families and communities," writes Idaho Kingmaker and founder Chris Stevens. "These things are not being done in a corner. Community and religious leaders are being contacted and asked to repent and obey God. Community leaders are warned of the public consequences for failing to be godly stewards, while religious leaders are called to account for consuming people’s focus, efforts, and resources with the traditions of men."

No word on whether this warning applies to standard-issue bloggers. (Holly Mullen)

Voting Under the Influence

[Booze News] Recently State Sen. Scott McCoy D-Salt Lake has mentioned pushing to loosen liquor laws that prohibit getting a drink at a bar or restaurant on election day. Mccoy said these arcane laws were "bizarre and inconsistent."

And sure, I agree, but at the same time I can appreciate the logic that once went behind discouraging drinking and voting. Voting is afterall a very important duty, one not to be taken lightheartedly. Heaven forbid anyone throw back too many boilermakers and then head on over to the polling place- the results could be disastrous, think of all the write-in candidates suddenly sweeping into office (Phil Mcrevases, Hugh Jasals, etc...)

And yet as with other activities we as a society see fit to temper our inebriation when performing (driving, operating heavy equipment), voting and drinking shouldn't be completely banned so much as it should just have limits.

So I propose that McCoy consider as a backup bill to his upcoming legislative liquor package (which already has the values vote kiss of death on it) one that would set blood alcohol limits for voting. This way when voters lineup to their polling place and they notice the fella ahead of them with bloodshot eyes staggering to and fro, they can notify a friendly poll worker who would then submit the individual to a breathalyzer test before handing them their ballot.

And then how about this, just to encourage voting, why not after somebody has voted, instead of offering an "I Voted" sticker, how about a shot? They've already performed their civic duty why not reawrd them with something better than a sticker. It could still have the effect of notifying others that they voted when, for example, Joe Voter returns from his lunch break with the smell of cheap bourbon on his breath, everyone at the office will know that he is indeed a responsible citizen. (Eric S. Peterson)

"Blank Stare Stupidity"

[Politics] Happy Election Day, Utah! Let's just forget about whom you voted back into the White House three years ago and move forward, shall we? Allow MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, via his eloquent "Special Comment" last night, to provide a helpful nudge:



Now let's get out there and maybe remove a toe or two from the party line. (Bill Frost)

The Fast & the Spurious

[Media] If it's Sweeps month, it must be ... street racing! Joining the classic "investigative report" threats of "What You Don't Know About Your Microwave Could Kill You" and "Are Your Children Safe? Maybe We'll Tell You After the Break," the new annual favorite of local TV news stations seems to be street racing--tonight on KUTV 2:

"2News Special Report: Behind the Wheel With Utah's Street Racers: In a rare interview a Utah street racer says the cops don't worry him. Despite $600 tickets and towed cars the races continue. Victims of street racing crashes also have their say."

This one night after an "explosive real estate fraud" expose turned out to be simply the fault of some dumbass who didn't bother to read what he was signing. And what's the Investigative Report du jour at ABC 4? "Getting Back Into the Dating Game," which continues next Monday "right after The Bachelor." Of course ... (Bill Frost)

Saturday of the Dead

[Party] Rico's, the Mexican food company with ever-growing plans of expansion, held their annual Day of the Dead party on Saturday night in their downtown HQ.

This time they invited former customers to snack on some new product lines, as well as tried and tested favorites.

At least 600 folk came to wet their whiskers and chow down at the free trough.The gringos came and went and at the end of the night when the dancing started, you could count the Anglos on one hand as they watched the Latinos get down and dirty to a local DJ.

Hit of the night though was the triple skulls carved out of ice which a bartender poured purple margaritas down. That had people queuing almost as long as the marathon line for the food. (Stephen Dark)

It's Good to Be the King

[Dance] The ornate costumes, tight choreography and impeccable technique showcased at the first performance of The Three Musketeers—incidentally the opening night of Ballet West's 2007-08 season (Nov. 2)—proved that the company's international reputation as a world-class dance company still holds.

There were a few opening night glitches (damn you, fake stage door that won’t open!), but the palpable energy of the corps and the dynamic performances of the lead dancers—notably Christiana Bennett, masterfully portraying the evil Countess De Winter)—compensated from any technical problems.

The indisputable highlight of The Three Musketeers was demi-soloist Jeff Herbig’s Captain Jack Sparrow-esque portrayal of His Majesty King Louis XIII of France. Herbig’s pompous, self-interested Louis dominated the stage, even though his role was primary a character part with very little actual dancing. Every detail—from his childish lip curl to the way he gazed at his jeweled fingers instead of the people surrounding him—was spot on the entire time. Like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, Herbig employed a cocky strut to communicate his character’s vanity and laughable obliviousness to everyone and everything around him. King Louis’s oversized wig, tiny pet dog—a live, squirming dog who exited the stage in a hurry—and white, red-heeled boots were another glaring indication of his garishness.

Character roles are the true test of a ballet dancer. It is possible to have flawless technique, and still forge absolutely no connection with the audience. Herbig consistently garnered the most laughter and applause because he kept the audience engaged every second he was on stage.

Physical comedy is much more challenging than drama, especially in a ballet production. So, if you’re looking to be wowed by a live performance, check out Jeff Herbig’s portrayal of King Louis in The Three Musketeers. His ingenuous interpretation of a pompous French ruler will remind you why live performances trump YouTube. (Jenny Poplar)

Get Off of My Lawn (Sign)

[More Political Hijinx] In the last days before an election, politics often get petty. Tearing down the other guy's lawn sign is typical, but usually ends up with campaigns pointing fingers at each other and the culprit at large.

One Salt Lake man decided he wasn’t going to take it and made sure a yard sign stealer got snagged.

After having many signs supporting District 6 City Council candidate Roger McConkie disappear during the night, the 2100 South man put down a trap, according to Salt Lake City weekend police reports.

The man trained a video camera on his signs, tied string to the signs and ran the strings inside his house, where he attaching a bell. There, the McConkie supporter slept on the couch, fully dressed, to be ready to catch the thief in action.

At approximately 12:30 a.m. Sunday (Nov. 4) the bells started jingling. Caught red handed the sign-napper sped away in his car, but not before the resident copied down his license plate. Police wrote the video quality was "excellent."

Tracked down at his home by police, the sign stealer admitted taking the yard signs, but denied he any a political motive. He was cited for theft. (Ted McDonough)

U R 2 Cool 2 B 4 Gotten

[Celebrity Perps] It's always fun when other people get busted for doing things that you probably pulled (hopefully) in high school. It's especially satisfying when the perp is a celebrity, which is why we've all seen Lindsey Lohan's dazed-and-confused mugshot taken shortly after her infamous DUI. But for those of us who could now give two shits about the one-time Mean Girl, The Smoking Gun has an impressive collection of arresting images including a chicken-poxed James Frey, pre-bail Amy Fisher, and ... Yanni? My favorites are the petty criminals who just couldn't wipe that smug/stoned/drunk/stupid smile off their faces long enough to at least feign remorse (see above). (Jamie Gadette)

Entrapment, er, Employment Notice

[Booze News] It's a wonder that anyone bothers to open an establishment that sells alcohol in Utah anymore, ain't it? As posted by the fine folks at NewCityMovement.com:

(Bill Frost)

Whatever Happened To Just L-I-V-I-N?

[National Panic] First Chinese toys, now British holidays?! Today's risk-averse officials are getting out of control!! It's good to be cautious, no doubt, but like overbearing yuppie parents keeping animals, food and "dangerous" playgrounds out of their kids' reach it seems everyone (including government officials) is erring on the side of paranoia. This does not bode well for the world. Seriously. Didn't anyone see Safe?



(Jamie Gadette)