Merry Xmas, Buttars! Love, Keith

[Buttars Watch] Utah Loon of Note Chris Buttars has finally arrived: He's MSNBC's Countdown's Worst Person In the World for a day. Take it away, Keith Olbermann:



(Bill Frost)

What Would Jesus Blow?

[Easter 2008 Flashback] I am scared.

Two grown men are standing on a makeshift stage in Lone Peak Park, Sandy, huffing and puffing into red hot water bottles. The idea is to make them explode. The bottles resemble enormously swollen, hairless testicles.
What scares me is not the elephantitis of the nuts image, or waiting for the bottles to explode, but rather that something as apparently innocent as an Easter egg hunt—which is what this event was billed as in a local Sandy paper—is actually a stalking horse cum recruitment drive for what appears to be a religious group called, with suitable overtones of right-wing militarism, The Fellowship.

The blowhards are two members of the Strength Team, ex-pro football players and athletes. These self-proclaimed Christians go around the country and perform feats of strength. One of them is also a rapper with his new Christian cd coming out in July. They seek to demonstrate that while they maybe superb physical specimens of humanity, their true strength comes from the gift of Christ's love.

What struck me as odd, if not downright disturbing, was not only that Wal-Mart and Albertsons according to The Fellowship's leader had donated hot dogs and free coke and possibly also the expensive giveaways—bikes, even an iPod—but more that my two little girls, aged 5 and 7, were sucked into chanting, "Go Strength Team, Go!" This while one man broke baseball bats over his knee, another hammered nails through wood with the flat of his hand.

At the end The Strength Team leader, Mike Hagen, had us all bow our heads and pray. At one point he asked us to raise our hand if we needed Mike to intervene spiritually on our behalf if we had a troubled relationship with God. Meanwhile the Prayer Zone was available a few yards away where you could have recurring dreams interpreted.

I should have known the whole thing stank when I got there and they announced free hot dogs and Coke. Nothing's for free. Then there was a name like The Fellowship, the military-esque efficiency with which the quadrangles of Easter eggs [all containing raffle tickets so you had to then go and sit at the feet of the Strength Team while the winners were called out] were laid out. Could there be a more obvious and blatant set-up?

Of course Easter egg hunts come laden with their own symbolism and mainstream religious use. But if I go to a Catholic Easter egg hunt I know what to expect. This little community event left me reeling. As I walked away, many of the crowd were queuing up to meet The Strength Team. I could only wonder about The Fellowship. What kind of a church would have to act in so duplicitous a manner in order to get punters through its front door? (Stephen Dark)

Downward Dog ... to Hell!

[News of the Whacked] Speaking of yoga, did you know that it's a tool of Satan? Yup. According to the not-batshit-crazy-at-all Pat Robertson, the stretching is fine, but by repeating yoga mantras, you're praying to Hindu gods Vishnu and Krishna! MSNBC's Keith Olbermann elaborated on last night's Countdown:



Where does this leave Pilates then? Do I have to cancel today? (Bill Frost)

Loony Toons of Doom

[Web] It's been a while since we've run across a good nutso conspiracy website, but we may have struck gold with AwakeAndArise.org: It's local, it's batshit crazy, and there are even a few points that City Weekly can agree on! Such as ...

"[KNRS 570 talk-show host] Bob Lonsberry ... a vicious, currupt and wicked man, a Shill, a propagandist for the New World Order and part of the Great and Abominable Church of the Devil ..." "Michael Medved, Child of Hell ..." and "fake establishment [Mitt] Romney."

So what do they like at AwakeAndArise.org? Ron Paul ("Next President of the United States"), former LDS Church president Ezra Taft Benson ("beloved and true American Patriot"), K-Talk 630 radio (dozens of pirated MP3s of the conspiracy-nut station's shows), crackpot 9/11 theories (the destruction of the Twin Towers was an "inside job" by our Satanic guv'ment), Diebold debunking (then how we gonna vote Ron Paul in?), and so much more. Hours of time- and brain-cell-killing fun here, for sure. Did I mention that they looove Ron Paul?

But, be clear: "We want to encourage readers to grasp the prophetic warnings and statements we have been given which pertain specifically to our time and what we must do to preserve freedom and cease supporting and being deceived into upholding secret combinations which will prove our own destruction ... This site is not endorsed nor has any affiliation with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ..."

Hear that sigh of relief from North Temple? (Bill Frost)

Who 4 Queen?

[Call to Repentance] Some press releases find their way to me as if by a miracle. This one, for instance, from JESUS 4 KING OF SALT LAKE CITY.

"The Jesus 4 King project is conducting workshops in Utah in November and December to help people become spiritual leaders of their families and communities," writes Idaho Kingmaker and founder Chris Stevens. "These things are not being done in a corner. Community and religious leaders are being contacted and asked to repent and obey God. Community leaders are warned of the public consequences for failing to be godly stewards, while religious leaders are called to account for consuming people’s focus, efforts, and resources with the traditions of men."

No word on whether this warning applies to standard-issue bloggers. (Holly Mullen)

Fred Phelps, Come on Down!

[News] Fred Phelps and Kansas' Westboro Baptist Church have been ordered to pay $10.9 million to the father of a dead, heterosexual Marine whose funeral was picketed by said true believers in the name of stopping America's tolerance of the gays (it makes sense if you're insane, uh, full of the spirit). It's about time the legal system caught up with late, great rockers I Can Lick Any Son of a Bitch In the House, who long ago said "Fuck Fred Phelps." Observe:



(Bill Frost)

Not Voting for a Preacher, Man

[Mitt Watch] Talk about a ringing endorsement for presidential hopeless, er, hopeful Mitt Romney from noted psycho-evangelist Bob Jones: "As a Christian I am completely opposed to the doctrines of Mormonism. But I'm not voting for a preacher. I'm voting for a president. It boils down to who can best represent conservative American beliefs, not religious beliefs." See how Hillary Clinton brings people together?

And, while it's a week old now, this Daily Show clip of a "smackdown" between Romney and Rudy Guiliani is quite timeless:



(Bill Frost)

Putrid America Is Doomed!

[Wrath o' God] Just when you thought Westboro Baptist Church of Kansas' crazy train couldn't run any further off the rails, Fred Phelps & Co. are bringing their Tragical Misery Tour to Utah to protest … a memorial service for the six Huntington miners scheduled for Sunday, Sept. 9 at Canyon View Junior High. Yes, the righteous folk behind GodHatesFags.com sent City Weekly (a heathen organization on The List, we would hope) the following press release: "WBC to picket memorial service for six miners entombed forever in a Utah mountain by a sovereign God … In religious protest and warning: 'Be not deceived; God is not mocked,' Gal. 6:7. God hates fags and fag enablers! Ergo: God hates Utah and America, and is punishing sodomite, idolatrous, Mormon Utah and sodomite America with one disaster after another—from 9/11, Iraq, Katrina, fires, tornados, earthquakes, etc.—to worse and more of it coming. Putrid America is doomed." Well, obviously—but maybe God's gunning for Fred Phelps and keeps missing. (Bill Frost)