Hell Kitchen

[WTF Promo Item] The following e-mail message made its way to City Weekly today; apparently, someone has no sense of what we might find entertaining ... or tolerable:

We would like to extend an invitation to you and a guest to come be a memberof the studio audience for the Cooking Delight television show!

We tape the show at a studio in SLC from 10:45AM -12:15PM. This week we are taping Wed. the 23rd, Fri., the 25th and next Wed. we tape on the 30th! Check out the show at cookingdelight.tv!

All studio audience members will most likely be on camera because the set is designed like a cafe with tables and chairs. We need smiling faces and excited audience members! The show is a party in the kitchen with celebrity guests and live music!

This Wed., July 23rd, we have musical artist Peter Breinholt! This Friday, July 25th the mania starts in the Cooking Delight kitchen with screaming fans for the Beatles, well ok, Imagine, the Tribute Band, but you will not be able to tell the difference! As always, Jennifer Burns, the host, will share a few original recipes and keep the party going in the kitchen! We have a few seats left for both shows - so hurry and email us for a request to come to the taping!

Good god. Peter Breinholt? A fake Beatles? I'd rather have my scrotum kicked in repeatedly by Gordon Ramsay, but that's just me. Check out the show Saturdays and Sundays on KJZZ 14! Promo accomplished. (Bill Frost)

Boy Bands Poised for Comeback? WTF?

[Horrible Music] Not that anyone looks to the Salt Lake Tribune for musical insight anymore, but wasting a full Sunday section front on a new boy band (!) featuring one guy from Utah (who appears somewhere in the hallway during High School Musicals 1 & 2) is the epitome of "We really just don't give a fuck anymore."

Instead giving up some space for the, oh, hundreds of talented local musicians who are actually writing songs, recording CDs and touring on their own, the Trib gives us V Factory, a Web-manufactured karaoke dance troupe who've somehow conned Warner Bros. Records into believing this shit is a viable product (active word: product) in 2008. American Idol has dumbed-down the charts, but not this far.

Warner Bros. sent City Weekly a 5-song CD sampler being used to promote V Factory's "Bandemonium Tour" (where they're opening for, no kidding, Menudo--hits poor Provo tomorrow). It's awful, dated club crapola might be slightly tolerable with "fresh dance moves" to accompany it. But, then again, this video proves otherwise ...


Besides, everyone knows that the last (hell, only) great boy band with Utah ties was Sons of Provo ...


(Bill Frost)

The Week in Suck

[Music] As Dan Nailen points out in The Lounge Act, Lifehouse is indeed one of the worst rock bands ever--and they're playing a sold-out show tonight at The Depot. Meanwhile, I'll bet tomorrow night's Clutch (the best rock band ever) show at the same joint won't do the same numbers. I'm not passing judgment on you people ... far as you know.

And it's not just Lifehouse; this is a week rife with shitty music. Tomorrow night, Angels & Airwaves (a former Blink-182er's stab at "adult rock," read: paid to go pussy) swish through In the Venue, then Matchbox Twenty (the thinking man's Vertical Horizon) drag their sorry asses through the E Center. What did we do to deserve such a tsunami of suck?

Oh, and the there's Linkin Park (Lifehouse 2.0--with a "rapper"!) next week! Jeeesus! Why? (Bill Frost)

Sing Sing

[Bad Music] City Weekly contributor Ryan Bradford recently brought this to my attention. The list reminds me of the constant, punishing rotation of Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews and Norah Jones albums I was forced to endure while waiting tables at a local restaurant a few years back. Now I can’t drink Diet Coke without Ms. Jones' nice, but ultimately boring voice, lulling me into a coma and resulting in rather embarrassing stains of artificially sweetened soda on my clothes. At least I no longer have to wear a bolo tie to work. What songs do you consider to be instruments of torture? (Jamie Gadette)

Heber's Gettin' a Wal-Mart!

[Elections 2007] We've been so caught up in mayors and vouchers, we forgot about this. Heber City voted to drop a big-ass cement box in its picturesque midst, but the defeated opponents should take heart: As soon as construction is complete on any Wal-Mart in 'Merica, country singer Chris Cagle shows up to sing his hit "Wal-Mart Parking Lot." It's true! As far as you know ...



(Bill Frost)