Heber's Gettin' a Wal-Mart!

[Elections 2007] We've been so caught up in mayors and vouchers, we forgot about this. Heber City voted to drop a big-ass cement box in its picturesque midst, but the defeated opponents should take heart: As soon as construction is complete on any Wal-Mart in 'Merica, country singer Chris Cagle shows up to sing his hit "Wal-Mart Parking Lot." It's true! As far as you know ...



(Bill Frost)

Give Me Convenience or Give Me ...

[Wal-Merica] You've heard the radio ads pushing the vote to approve a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Heber City: "Vote for convenience." "It'll be great for the community." "I'm tired of driving so far away to do my shopping!"

Yeah. Here's the thing: You moved to Heber! On purpose! What the hell are you bitching about?

Then again, those probably aren't real people in the ads; they're more likely actors voicing the party line from the Boyer Company, the developers behind such folksy, distinctive projects as The Commons and The Gateway.

But hey, if the town votes for it, cool. The sooner every acre of the country looks the same, the better--and more convenient, of course. (Bill Frost)