- I looooove bottled water! I hate Rocky! Unlike most Rockophobes, I'm from Salt Lake City (!)
- I think we can win this war! All we need to do is send 40,000 more troops. No, I'm not volunteering.
- I'm rich and I hate dog poop.
- I'm a 40-year-old Boy Scout. No, there's nothing weird about that. The other Boy Scouts didn't make fun of me much.
- I think any columnist who didn't care about Bill Clinton's blow job has no business criticizing possibly treasonous activities.
- Here's my list of presidential qualifications. Go ahead and dismantle the Constitution; institute a police state for all I care. Just as long as you keep the war going and are not gay.
- I may be wearing a tin-foil hat, but at least it's a retro tin-foil hat.
- First Amendment? We don't need no stinking First Amendment