The Internet opinion poll: It's our single most effective tool for finding out absolutely nothing about our world and the people who live here. But they're so darn much fun!
Evidently, the editors at the Provo Daily Herald have realized how useless online surveys are and have just whimsically started asking whatever nonsense questions pop into their heads. Here's this week's bizarre poll:
Which statement best describes your view on cremation?
( ) Makes resurrection difficult; cremation should be avoided
( ) Cremation should be encouraged; God doesn't care
... because, of course, there are people in the United States who, after much thought, have realized that cremation is just a huge incovenience for God. He's got enough to do on Judgment Day without looking all around the world for your dispersed ash particles and then gluing them all back together in the right order before breathing life into your incinerated carcass. Sure, The Omnipotent One could do it, but what a pain in God's ass! I wouldn't be surprised if He just decided to call the whole thing off.
Next week's question: Are holy wafers still vegetarian after transubstantiation? (Brandon Burt)