Obama's Birth Certificate Found!

[Conspiracy Theories] President-elect Barack Obama was totally born in the USA; this birth certificate from the not-at-all-insane "real" journalists at WorldNetDaily.com proves it!

(Bill Frost)

The Tim Russert Conspiracy

[News-ish] Former Utah radio personality Clyde Lewis, who now hosts an Internet version of his Ground Zero show from Portland, Ore., has a Tim Russert death conspiracy theory--actually several, as he always did back in the day.

First, Russert died on Friday the 13th at the age of 58. The numbers 5 and 8 add up to 13. Resident City Weekly numerologist Jerre Wroble has confirmed the math.

Second, the Skull & Bones Society--which has counted previously Russert-grilled guests like George W. Bush and John Kerry as members--is into numerology. You ask 'em about the number 322 and see how long you're still sucking oxygen.

Third, Russert brought up the existence of UFOs during the 2007-08 Democratic debates. Everbody had, like, forgotten about UFOs until he did this.

Fourth, Russert met with Pope Benedict XVI days before he died. Oh, he's in on it ... (Bill Frost)

Welcome to World-Mart

[Global Conspiracy] According to WorldNetDaily.com, Utah's own's Sen. Bob Bennett is one of the masterminds behind a seven-year plan to create a Transatlantic Common Market between the U.S. and Europe--and it wouldn't require congressional approval!

"The plan--currently being implemented by the Bush administration with the formation of the Transatlantic Economic Council in April 2007--appears to be following a plan written in 1939 by a world-government advocate who sought to create a Transatlantic Union as an international governing body," says WND. "An economist from the World Bank has argued in print that the formation of the Transatlantic Common Market is designed to follow the blueprint of Jean Monnet, a key intellectual architect of the European Union, recognizing that economic integration must inevitably lead to political integration."

In simpler terms, "One World Guv'ment!" To which Sen. Bennett reportedly replied, "Exxxcellent." (Bill Frost)

Loony Toons of Doom

[Web] It's been a while since we've run across a good nutso conspiracy website, but we may have struck gold with AwakeAndArise.org: It's local, it's batshit crazy, and there are even a few points that City Weekly can agree on! Such as ...

"[KNRS 570 talk-show host] Bob Lonsberry ... a vicious, currupt and wicked man, a Shill, a propagandist for the New World Order and part of the Great and Abominable Church of the Devil ..." "Michael Medved, Child of Hell ..." and "fake establishment [Mitt] Romney."

So what do they like at AwakeAndArise.org? Ron Paul ("Next President of the United States"), former LDS Church president Ezra Taft Benson ("beloved and true American Patriot"), K-Talk 630 radio (dozens of pirated MP3s of the conspiracy-nut station's shows), crackpot 9/11 theories (the destruction of the Twin Towers was an "inside job" by our Satanic guv'ment), Diebold debunking (then how we gonna vote Ron Paul in?), and so much more. Hours of time- and brain-cell-killing fun here, for sure. Did I mention that they looove Ron Paul?

But, be clear: "We want to encourage readers to grasp the prophetic warnings and statements we have been given which pertain specifically to our time and what we must do to preserve freedom and cease supporting and being deceived into upholding secret combinations which will prove our own destruction ... This site is not endorsed nor has any affiliation with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ..."

Hear that sigh of relief from North Temple? (Bill Frost)