Polygs & Order

[TV] Tonight, on Law & Order [doink-doink!] ...

"Detectives Cyrus Lupo (Jeremy Sisto) and Kevin Bernard (Anthony Anderson) investigate a 17-year-old boy's murder, uncovering much bigger secrets: A teenage boy Luke Friendly (Guest Star Tolan Aman), banished from a polygamist sect finds himself alone in New York City when his older brother, Caleb Friendly (Guest Star Colton Parsons) disappears and is then found brutally murdered. The case leads Lieutenant Anita Van Buren (S. Epatha Merkerson) and Detectives Lupo (Jeremy Sisto) and Bernard (Anthony Anderson) to the church’s controversial leader, Landon Wyatt (Guest Star Colm Meaney), who is in pursuit of his teenage runaway wife, Michelle Landon (Guest Star Jenna Malone). While Detectives investigate further, they discover a romantic relationship between Michelle Landon and the victim. Executive Assistant D.A. Michael Cutter (Linus Roache) and Assistant D.A. Connie Rubirosa (Alana De La Garza) must fight to defend Michelle’s wishes to remain free from her husband and also bring to justice Caleb’s murderer." (NBC)

At least it's not set in Utah, right? Never mind that "child bride" Jenna Malone (pictured above, pink sweater) has also appeared on ... HBO's Big Love ... (Bill Frost)

Old Polygamists (and the Many, Many Women Who Love Them)

[Science!] Turns out those embattled plygs may be onto a good thing after all: A British study suggests that men with multiple wives live longer than monogamists.

The article suggests a behavioral explanation--they stay alive longer because they have to, with so many children to support. I imagine the kids and wives simply won't let the poor old dude enter senescence and kick off like a normal person.

Still, as we've learned from TV ads about spry octogenarians endlessly waterskiing and canoodling, men are biologically capable of fathering children well past the age when they should probably stop. So, in cultures that have practiced monogamy since prehistoric times, it seems there could be some natural selection at work here, as well: Over the millenia, men who carry genes contributing to longevity have more time to create greater numbers of offspring--but only if they are given access throughout their long, long lives to women of childbearing age.

A man in a monogamous culture, of course, loses that evolutionary opportunity since, once the mother of his children advances past childbearing age, his only opportunities for reproduction are illicit (and, come to think of it, probably life-shortening, if his wife finds out about it).

(Brandon Burt)

Big Love in 4 Minutes

[Polyg TV] No, not a $50 "business" transaction on State Street: HBO has summarized two seasons of the SLC-set polygamy drama Big Love (Season 3 coming in 2009) in 4 minutes. You now have no excuses left for not knowing what the heck is going on ...



(Bill Frost)

We're Not THAT Plyg Group!

[Polygamy Press] Just made a trip to the fax machine. Question: When did polygamists become such media whores?

The Apostolic United Brethren just issued a PRESS RELEASE (their emphasis) REGARDING POLYGAMY (their emphasis).

The sect, based in Riverton, wishes to clarify for anyone who might confuse them with the FLDS sect of recent child custody battle fame in Texas. "Because of this confusion, and because many "tar us with the same brush," so to speak, we have decided to provide a press release that is available for immediate publication."

The press release goes on:

The AUB would like you all to know that they are a "Christian-based, Mormon religious group" (me: uh, I think the folks at 50 North Temple might have a quibble with that) and that "plural celestial marriage," or as others call it "polygamy"--is one of our basic tenets. We also hold dear many other beliefs that have the bible and Jesus Christ at the core, and consider ourselves to be Bible-believing Christians.

In other words, this world is big enough for more than one crazed, Mormon off-shoot, polygamy group. It's a diverse world out there, folks. Any questions?

Also, they are not THAT plyg group (above) either! (Holly Mullen)

The Weasel on Polygamy

[News-ish] Finally, a report we can all trust on polygamy, courtesy Pauly Shore (you may remember him from such cinematic milestones as Bio-Dome and Jury Duty):



(Bill Frost)

Uh, Where Are All the Men?

[Plyg-busters] It's day 14 since Texas authorities raided the YFZ Ranch in Eldorado, taking 400-plus children of polygamist parents in the process.

Tomorrow, a custody hearing unprecedented in its scope will take place in nearby San Angelo to determine whether any or all the kids should enter foster care while the state continues its investigation into child abuse allegations.

And in all the reams of news stories, miles of broadcast video and blog postings on the topic, I've wondered all along: Where are the men?

If everything is so spit-polished clean and safe at the YFZ, if women (scary Stepford Wives that they are on camera) are free to come and go as they please, if the children live in wholesome goodness, if all of this is true--where are the men to say so?

Real men who have nothing to hide would defend their women, protect their children and stand up for themselves. But they don't. What kind of man would pimp his wife/wives in the way these polygamists have for the international news media, and not absorb at least some of the scrutiny themselves? Must be some kind of special priesthood that allows these big men to hide so expertly behind their women. (Holly Mullen)

Sweet Spirits

[Polygamy Fallout] The plyg raid at El-do-RAY-do drove home the fact that most polygamists, unfortunately, aren't as hot as Bill Paxton and Chloë Sevigny. Or Mary Kay Place, for that matter.

In fact, remembering back to the Tom Green case, it seems he got reasonably lucky playing the wife lottery, considering the poofy-haired alternatives.

But not as lucky as Jesus, apparently. Anybody remember this pic from--I don't know, Sunday School? (Where do these pictures come from? I just know that this one seems familiar, as if I had seen it several times in childhood.) Really it's beautifully done, if a little hokey.

At the time, I think we all figured those hotties hanging on his every word were "disciples"--but, now, it's only too obvious what's really going on.

Obviously, Wife 1 is the willowy blue-sashed number standing behind, saying, "OK, that's enough now, Jesus. Let's go home." That red-sashed pumpkin on the right appears to have spotted something amusing happening just to the left of the frame, but we can see what he's in the mood for. Brunette? Pink sash? Mmm-hmmm. (Brandon Burt)

Beast Bleeding. Again

[Polygamy ad Nauseum] Caught KSL's less than ground-breaking expose on the profligacy with which food stamps are treated on the Utah-Arizona border by our polygamous neighbors.

This story, much like KSL's repeated harping on about Warren Jeffs' suicide attempt in jail and self-confessed acts of "immorality" 30 years ago--long after every other news organization has already rung it dry--leaves a decidedly sour taste in the mouth. It's almost as if KSL is waving in the face of its LDS audience why they should be grateful they're not tied up with extremists like the FLDS.

Dragging out the hoary old chestnut of the food stamps story just adds to this sense of sermonizing, of saying "aren't you lucky you're with the one and true church and not these dubious characters down south?"

While "bleeding the beast," as the practice of ripping the state off for all you can get is well known, it doesn't seem to stop KSL from attempting to stir up a little controversy. That these women at the end of the day have children to feed, and that despite countless stories going back a decade or more on this subject the authorities have chosen to do nothing, doesn't seem to get in the way of what Channel 5 still see after all these years as a good story. (Stephen Dark)

Big Love, Small Hands

[Sightings] Main Street one recent lunchtime: Numerous pedestrians stopped to ponder the ankle-length, high collar purple dress and piled-high blonde hair of a lady undoubtedly belonging to the alternative lifestyle--or so Big Love and Salt Lake Tribune's Brooke Adams would have us believe--of polygamy. She was accompanied by an older woman in a long blue dress, a little boy and two men who looked distinctly rural in their dungerees and plain shirts. The younger woman went up to her husband and, in the most genteel of gestures, lightly cupped the inside of his left buttock. The foursome paused before entering one of our best known local eateries to snap some pictures. "You've got to make memories along the way," said grandma. (Stephen Dark)

Dating Shows: The New Polygamy

We all know polygamy is cool again. Don't buy it? Just wait for the ratings from Big Love's new season to role in. Then we'll talk. But it's not just HBO cashing in on taboo religious/cultural practices. Check out an episode of The Bachelor or the new, laugh-out-loud Age of Love for further proof that our society is pretty much primed to do away with that whole women's rights nonsense and embrace practices that are, for the most part, considered taboo (at least by Volvo-driving Dems). Besides the obvious exploitation factor (stupid and slutty sell!), contestants on both reality TV shows willingly engage in relationships with men who openly keep several cheap women on the side. We're made for each other! each contestant claims after one moonlight stroll with the season's playboy du jour. He smiles and agrees, then promptly kicks out a sorry chump, leaving her with nothing but delusional memories and a grocery-store rose. While the show wraps with the "gentleman" choosing one woman and one woman alone, it always seems like he could elect to take home two, three, maybe even all of the featured contestants and the audience would still blog excitedly later about how "They're ALL meant for each other." One happy, harem-scarem family. That's cool, but could we at least get some shows on the air gloryifying polyamory? You know, just to even things out. Maybe get Carmen Electra or Oprah as the leads. Think on it. (Jamie Gadette)

Big, Throbbing Love

The new Big Love ads from HBO: Making polygamy cool again (like it ever went out of style):