Money...Morality...It's All the Same

[Utah Politics] It's come to this in Utah politics--where the GOP rules so unchecked and audaciously, that even the Republican race for state treasurer for god's sake, has been reduced to smarmy measurements of "traditional family values."

Cathy McKitrick reports in today's Salt Lake Tribune about the upcoming primary runoff between Repubs Mark Walker and Richard Ellis. Both, it appears, have decent enough cred at accounting, money management and the wearing of dark blue suits and white shirts--all skills you would expect a state treasurer candidate to have mastered.

But Walker has apparently decided to turn the race into a yardstick for measuring right-wing morality.

Ellis, currently chief deputy state treasurer, says of his opponent, Walker:

"Walker's applause lines at the [state GOP] convention came after references to gay marriage, unborn children and tax cuts. You had a crowd there where that really resonates," Ellis continued. "But that has nothing to do with the role of state treasurer."

Except in Utah, of course, where no doubt even a Republican race for dog catcher could be reduced to a pro-life/pro-choice argument around neutering. (Holly Mullen)

Nazi by Nature

[Theater] According to publicists for Park City's Egyptian Theatre Company, the current production of Cabaret has apparently served a valuable Knucklehead Identification function.

Reportedly, a woman in Park City was disturbed by promotional materials displayed at the Main Street theater for the well-known musical--because they feature the swastika. Those unfamiliar with Cabaret should be aware that the play is set in Weimar-era Germany, just as the Nazi Party is coming to power while many of the characters attempt to pretend that it has no impact on their freewheeling lives; the play is hardly Springtime for Hitler. Park City police were brought into the dispute when the theater refused to remove the "offending" materials, but took no action.

I'm not quite sure how to top the basic facts. What other examples of gross artistic-point-missing would compare? And over and above that, what has contributed to the mass infantilization of Americans that we insist anything that might possibly ruffle feathers must be hidden from view? You do not have a Constitutionally-protected right not to be offended. (Scott Renshaw)

"Buttars, Elevated"

[ButtarsWatch] According to a Trib story, Chris Buttars has a box of T-shirts in his office bearing the slogan "We Support Chris Buttars," intended for distribution to his buddies at a Wednesday rally. This whole "hate lynch mob" thing has really gotten him down, as lynch mobs are wont to do, so, as a little pick-me-up, he's organizing a rally for himself.

It's a great idea, though; couldn't we all use a rally every now and then? It's kind of like throwing yourself a surprise birthday party or sending flowers to yourself at work.

Still, how can it be that Buttars doesn't know what a lynch mob really is? Phone calls? E-mails? People calling him names? Please. What a sensitive, delicate little flower he is. Trouble is, he can dish out the hate, but he can't take it. Poor blossom.

Which brings us to tomorrow's rally. I wonder if "the gays" will be there to help Buttars with his little celebration of himself? It would be only fair; he always manages to make us feel included in his psycho legislation.

There's something a bit unimaginative about his slogan, though. "We support Chris Buttars." It has all the pizazz and zing of an insurance policy. A boring insurance policy. Without even trying, you could come up with dozens of unimaginative slogans like that: "Buttars? Yes, Buttars!" or "Buttars. Now more than ever." How many can you come up with?

That man says he's a champion for morals--but, oh, what a twisted conception he has of morality. (Brandon Burt)

Alcopops: OUT!

[Morals Watch] I can see the urge to hoard as I write this...long lines at Smith's to purchase whole cases of Mike's Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice.

That's because it's official: The LDS Church has issued a statement in support of a 2008 Utah legislative effort to take -- yum -- alcopops off grocery store shelves. They're too inviting for the kids, you know. So the rest of the state has to suffer.

My idea of suffering is actually drinking one of those things. But it's the principle, people. Rise up and shout. Don't take this one lying down. 3.2 beer is next, isn't it?

If you've lived in Utah long, you know the rest of this story. As the faithful say: "When the prophet speaks, the debate is over." It's good as done.

Unless your write your legislator in protest. Or call. (E-mails are only good if they come from the heart. Don't start a spam war. Call or write to express your earnest rage. But be polite. No Mormon bashing comments.) Go here to find your rep and his/her phone number and e-mail address. Launch your protest. Today. (Holly Mullen)

The Sugar House Siege: Day 1

[News-ish] The new Sugar House Blue Boutique has now been open for seven hours. The earth has yet to open and swallow the community into the depths of hell. We'll keep following this story as it develops. Courage. (Bill Frost)

Your New Favorite Band

[Music-ish] While the Morally Outraged Pinheads are going nuts over regular-size rubber penises in Sugar House, look what's flopping around at Monk's downtown:

That's SLC's Heathen Ass Worship. Start your protest group now; they'd love the publicity. (Bill Frost)

One Hockey Mullet to Go!

[Yet More Smut Watch] According to this alleged news story, a salon franchise known as Sport Clips has been confused on more than one occasion locally with Bikini Cuts. Seriously.

For those of you who are as severly brain-dead as those few concerned housewives, here's the difference: Bikini Cuts has stylists who cut your hair while wearing bikinis; at Sport Clips, they wear referee shirts and sweats, but may or may not specialize in giving you the atrocious haircuts of your favorite sports stars--"gimme a Gretzky!"

Why the confusion? Morally Outraged Pinheads are complete fucking morons would be the easy answer, but ... no, let's go with that. (Bill Frost)